[Shakti]

I'm SO happy!!! I'm feeling really ****ed up. Oh, it passed. Cool. I'm ok now. Wooooooo, feelin' good, darlins'. I want to die. Cry cry cry. Rat poison? Wait, no, it passed. I'm ok. Working it all out. Rational for a while. Rat poison?!?!?! What in the hell was I thinking? Because now? I'm good. Real good. Well, except irritable, want to push anyone in my way. OOps, now irrational. Rage. Hey, got the I'm ok's for a little while. Wait, how do I feel right now? God, I love people. ****, I hate every moron on this earth and unfortunately they are almost all morons. What was just going on in my head? Oh yeah, hating people. Man, that awful--that's just not ME. I'm not hateful. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY BEFORE I SMASH YOUR CAR ASSHOLE. Wait, how did I feel yesterday? Didn't I just have a long depressive cycle? Or was it super fast instead and just felt long? Did you hear that? I don't think anyone else heard that. Interesting. It's ok because I'm really happy as long as I'm alone. Here come people. Mood SMASH.

All in the course of a few hours. A bad day and a lot of cycles. And not today. But...sometimes a normal day (or a normal hour or few hours). All over the map.

Sometimes I just want a breather. Sometimes I get one, but I don't know what it is at the time.

I just had to get that out. Express my rapid firing. Sometimes, like above, it is SO fast, usually less so, but when it's like that solitude is my best medicine and music and being outside.

I have grown to really enjoy when I don't rapid cycle. Lamictal really helps, but it still happens...just less intensely and more manageably. And it passes relatively quickly, like a summer spitting rain. Thank the gods, it passes.

Thanks for listening.

[onomonapetia]

Same boat here..I talk to my father today and he said I sounded better than last week. Not so all over the board. I feel better too. Must be the lamictal. I don't have any advice, just going through the same thing. Sometimes I just have to be alone during this time. It's my damage control. Music too!