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rabbit_hockey_101
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Question Jul 11, 2010 at 04:53 PM
  #1
I was diagnosed back in January with major depression. I have been taking medicine and seeing a therapist. My life has been going extremely well. Getting back to topic, my mom has always been very moody. Since I was in the hospital because of my depression, they asked about any family history I might have. My dad told them my mother was diagnosed with Cyclothymia during a divorce pychiatric evaluation. She didn't get custody of us kids because she had this and was unwilling to get medication. She has always been really moody, and controlling. She also is a God fanatic. She has an obsession with it. She tries to bring us kids into it as well, and if we don't she gets extremely upset. I know she can't get help unless she accepts to on her own. I was wondering if you had any advice for me on helping her get over her denial phase. First off, I know she doesn't want to take any meds, becasue she was objective to me taking meds. Also, she thought that my depression was and I quote, "a demon from the pit of hell" I know my mom needs help, and I feel bad because she is pushing all of us kids away from her. I want to be her support system, but I know she will be hard to get her to accept it for what it really is--a sickness. I would like some advice on how to approach her and tell her I'm there for her.
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Innerzone
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Default Jul 11, 2010 at 07:12 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by rabbit_hockey_101 View Post
... I know she can't get help unless she accepts to on her own...
Hi rabbit_hockey_101 and welcome to the forums! Btw, I love your avatar -- so cute! Others may have some ideas, but... I think you got it yourself right there in that sentence. People have to realize for themselves that there *is* a problem. Whatever it is. It's hard to accept watching from the outside, but it's highly unlikely someone could be "convinced", you know? And just a gut feeling on my part, but it would seem to me especially when they have a firmly held belief system they feel already explains everything.... regardless of what that belief system is. Could be believing one's chakras or yin/yang were unbalanced or whatever, or God, or that everything can be solved with herbs. Or the power of the mind. People want to fit everything into whatever belief system they subscribe to, especially when --for whatever reason-- they feel that some concept actively contradicts or challenges some area of their belief... or somehow shows their belief to be just not strong enough if they accept such a thing. They'd see it as admitting their system might need some sort of "outside intervention" to work, and that's a hard thing to swallow when one really buys into any given system. It's just like that story (and you have probably heard this one )... Floods come. Man is stranded up on the roof. "Oh God, save me!" Someone comes by in a boat. "Here, jump in". "Not necessary! God will save me!" Various other means come by for his rescue. He rejects them all. He dies. In heaven, he says, "God, why did you not save me?!" God said, "I sent a boat, I sent a helicopter..."

Maybe I'm just blathering (hehe, it's been known to happen!), but it's just some stuff I've observed over the years on human nature. Sometimes people come to accept things. Sometimes they don't. It's frustrating, but remember, we truly can't control others. Only ourselves.

Don't get me wrong... I think it is commendable that you care and want to do something. Just temper your expectations. It will likely be a long and uphill battle, and ultimately, the decision is hers.
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Thanks for this!
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blueoctober
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Default Jul 11, 2010 at 07:17 PM
  #3
rabbit_hockey_ that is a tough one. Looking back on the way I was before I was diagnosed I must admit I was a bit disappointed in my parents and close friends for not speaking up and telling me to get help. My mom has been diagnosed since I was kid and she is treated.

How you get someone to get their own help. That does need to be their choice unless they are a danger to themselves or others, but in saying that I couldn't sit back and not say anything to a friend or family member.

Your one line in your post "I would like some advice on how to approach her and tell her I'm there for her". I think just saying those words to her may help. You may get a very defensive response, but that doesn't mean it won't get her thinking.

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Favorite book on bipolar "Living with Someone who is Living with Bipolar Disorder" by Chelsea Lowe, 2010

Check out my blog The Bipolar Roller Coaster: http://blueoctober.psychcentral.net/
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Thanks for this!
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