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#1
Jul 26, 2010, 08:43 AM
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Shortly after my "It's coming for me" thread, I suffered a psychotic depressive episode...
My meds were tweaked, from 200mg Tegretol + 20mg Lorien to 400mg Tegretol + 20 mg Lorien + 1mg Risperdal (Risperidone) I feel okay, not quite myself, but not that delusional person I was last week either. It was tough returning to work after my colleagues witnessed me in yet another compromising emotional state. But hey, I did it, and it's not THAT bad really, they're being nice about the whole thing. The thing is, I'm scared of feeling okay too  last time I thought I was okay, I headed straight into a mixed episode YUCK...which lead to THAT!I just don't know guys, I'm freaked out, freaked out that this was my second untriggered psychotic episode in two months, and scared that this normalcy is FAKE... UGH, this thread is ridiculous!!! Why did I even bother to type anything so stupid, like what kind of response am I even anticipating????
__________________
 DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD  "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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#2
Jul 26, 2010, 08:56 AM
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You are who you are. I'm glad your colleagues are understanding.
You have started on your path of healing, and the meds will slowly start to keep you stable. You are learning about your triggers, and also when to notice a change in your moods. In future you will recognise them earlier, be able to take a few days leave and let the moods run their course (Or even better, get your pdoc to prescribe some meds to help you) Don't worry about what others think of you. You are doing a great job keeping things under control.
__________________
"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller" Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn |
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#3
Jul 26, 2010, 09:01 AM
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Thanks, but it really doesn't feel like a "good job"
I feel like I've allowed myself to become mess, and I'm so worried that I'll never be anything but. The fact that my family found out about my dx and are basically petitioning me to stop my meds are not helping either... I know they think they're helping but they're not, I just wanna feel real. Does that make sense?
__________________
DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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#4
Jul 26, 2010, 09:04 AM
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You know if the meds are helping. If your dx is correct, you need to be on meds.
Don't let your family get in the way of that. I know an emotional breakdown, a depressive episode... these can all be embarrassing to live through, but it is not our fault. We cannot feel bad about these things. You ARE doing a good job!
__________________
"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller" Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn |
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#5
Jul 26, 2010, 09:13 AM
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I agree with suga you are doing a good job. It's good to be aware of our moods, but trust that you can feel good too and it doesn't mean you are going to have another episode. It could just mean that the meds are doing what they are supposed to.
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Favorite book on bipolar "Living with Someone who is Living with Bipolar Disorder" by Chelsea Lowe, 2010 Check out my blog The Bipolar Roller Coaster: http://blueoctober.psychcentral.net/ New Post March 23 "New Therapist" |
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#6
Jul 26, 2010, 09:15 AM
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Well I feel much calmer since he added the Risperdal ( Thank God there's no more intrusive voices) My dx is definitely right I don't doubt that, truth is, I'm such a mess, I'm not sure what meds are supposed to do with this mess. I mean they don't stop the cycling, and up until last week, I was kinda rapid, I think, THINK it's slowing down (YAY) I don't wanna celebrate too early...
When I say I don't know I'M SERIOUS I DON'T KNOW! Last night I had bf answer stupid questions for me, to make notes, so that I have roots for when I get psychotic again... Ugh, this is killing me slowly I tell ya
__________________
DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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#7
Jul 28, 2010, 09:20 AM
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bad that it got so crazy, but really great that you now have meds that seem to work
 I agree with suga, you are doing really well to get through this and back functioning... I understand that it doesn't seem like it, but really it is something really amazing to get through each and every episode we face, especially the severe ones... you are doing great, we all are to keep on persevering 
__________________
 I can do all things through him who gives me strength
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 Trippin2.0
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