[Fire_Star]

Some I finally told my mother (father is away at work) that I have bipolar. It's been about 6 months since I started treatment so she whinged about me taking this long but I wasn't stable enough for this earlier on.

To summarise:
-she doesn't trust my pdoc and wants a second opinion.
-she doesn't understand how there isn't a blood test to 'prove' it
-she isn't really for my meds
-she thinks dad really won't like it

She was trying to say I'm misdiagnosed and I wasn't up for telling her how bad my symptoms were a few months back. Hey! Your daughter had a psychotic episode, hurr! Yeah, no. But she's not taking it seriously either way and keeps asking when I'll be off meds. >>

and a side note, she has no idea who Stephen Fry is so I couldn't use his doco as a leverage point.

So now I just feel stressed and awkward at home. I also don't know if I should mention I have bipolar on the net under my real name still either. But I really dislike self censoring on it all the time too. Bah.

I need hugs I think.

[sugahorse1]

I think this will settle over time. I remember how petrified i was when my parents found out I'd been dx'd Major Depressive Episode.
I haven't told them that the dx has changed to Bipolar.
At the end of the day, it's your life and you being very responsible for seeking help. Don't let anyone stand in your way

[BlackPup]

I remember the first thing my mum asked was what caused it and was it something she had done!!!
I think parents often take these things personally - so maybe thats why she reacted badly. Take time to decide who and when to tell, but don't let this experience put you off tell the people you trust.
Lots of hugs

[sugahorse1]

Blackpup- I like your signature - thanks!!

[Shakti]

The hugs you wanted. Not nearly as good as the real ones, I know.

Your mom sounds very uneducated on the topic...as so many people are. I wonder if you could take her with you to the next appt and have the doctor discuss bipolar with her...?

[Fire_Star]

Originally Posted by Shakti

Your mom sounds very uneducated on the topic...as so many people are. I wonder if you could take her with you to the next appt and have the doctor discuss bipolar with her...?

Maybe. I do have an appointment on Friday but she said she'd read the books I have so I might see how far she gets educating herself before I take her to see my pdoc. I still have to wait till dad's home and see how educated he is too. :/

Well, Fire Star! Even at its best, it is a daunting thing and rarely simple. Please let us know how it goes with Dad, ok?
Think about it. It's hard enough for we who have it to accept sometimes. Imagine how it is for someone else to accept it about one they love...especially for something that has genetic components, when one is genetically related!
Thing is, so much can be understood. Hoping this for you Fire_Star!

[Amazonmom]

HUGS.

I'm sorry your mom didn't react well. I hope your dad is less reactionary about it (if you choose to tell him).

Our parents should be supportive even if they are shocked/confused/etc. A simple "I'm sorry this happened, can I ask questions?" would have been nice, wouldn't it?

There is no way I am ever coming out bipolar to my parents. It wouldn't be helpful to me. It would end up being all about them, and nothing about supporting me.

[Fire_Star]

Can anyone recommend websites or documentaries I could show my parents to look at for more information on bipolar?

[sugahorse1]

Off another website, cannot remember which:

Ten things friends and family members NEED to know about those of us with bipolar disorder. (believe this is written by Julie Fast)

10. If you blame us or put us down or get impatient or angry with us for bipolar disorder behavior it simply makes us sicker! Impatience never got us out of bed or made us less depressed. Anger never made us stop spending when we are manic. Kind and realistic rules and limits do help. Telling us that you will not and cannot live with us if we don't treat bipolar disorder first does help. But helping us help ourselves is the best gift you can give us. If you know what behavior is a symptom of the illness, you can then treat the illness to help the behavior instead of getting so upset with us all of the time. (We are upset enough with ourselves, believe me!)

9. Understand that we cannot always help you do things when we are sick. You may need help around the house, with the kids, the bills, the laundry, etc. Deep down we know that, but sometimes we are just too sick to do anything. Help us get well and then we can help you around the house more. Help us get well and we will be a good friend, partner, daughter, son, grandson, granddaughter and parent. If you expect us to be able to do normal things when we are sick, then you will only get more upset with us. If you expect us to treat bipolar disorder first- that is reasonable and something we can work on together! Then we can do the laundry and the dishes with pleasure. We can have fun in life.

8. Depression is very motivated. I don't know if there is a more successful illness in the world. It is a champ, a winner! It sets goals and follows through with its goals. "I want Julie to be really sick and down on herself today. I want her to stay in bed, eat junk and cry buckets of tears." And it sure does do a good job! Depression is serious and motivated and strong. Without the right tools it is impossible for us to fight it. WE ARE NOT LAZY! WE ARE NOT SLACKERS! WE ARE NOT DUMB, WEAK OR FAILURES! We are sick. Learn our individual signs of depression and help us fight it. If depression is motivated and successful, then we all have to get motivated and successful. If you see us sitting on the couch doing nothing day after day- don't get on our case for being on the couch. Get some tools to help us get off the darn couch! Get motivated, serious and strong, just like depression. Then teach us how to do this. Help us find the right mix of medications, alternative treatments and lifestyle changes that make depression the failure instead of making us look like failures. We need your help to fight this illness. We need your love to beat depression.

7. What you do in YOUR life makes a huge difference in how we experience our bipolar disorder symptoms in OUR lives. This is not fair on you, but it is a reality. It should be that you can do what you want and we can lead our own lives and let you be you - but people with bipolar disorder cannot simply separate themselves from the things you do. If you are stressed and unhappy and unhealthy, you have to know that it can affect us greatly.

6. Bipolar disorder is a disability. It is not really recognized in that way right now, but it will be more so in the future- many of us are disabled from leading the life we want and you want us to lead. We simply can't function like other people can function. We can't snap out of it, therapy our way out of it or just get on with it- whatever the "it" is you want us to do. WE HAVE TO LEARN WHAT WE CAN DO AND WE NEED YOUR HELP! Please know that stress makes us sick- good stress, bad stress, stress that is none of our business- all stress makes us sick. Can you look at us differently? Can you see us as people who have an illness that often makes us unable to be "normal"? Can you hug us, love us and help us even when we make you scared, angry and embarrassed? Please help us turn a disability into an opportunity.

5. This illness is not about you. We are not trying to punish you or ruin your life. We do not want to treat you badly. It is a side effect of bipolar disorder when we change our moods. This does not make it ok- and it does not mean that it will not cause huge problems for you, but it is not about YOU at all.

4. If we are manic, spending money seems like a good idea. It is part of the illness. It is a proven symptom of mania. We need your help in creating checks and balances so that we can prevent manic spending sprees. If you are blind to what we are spending when we are well and then suddenly notice the $5000 we spend during a manic episode and then get angry, it is not fair. Please be consistent and help us monitor our money at all times so no one is caught unaware again.

3. Medication side effects really, really suck. They often make us fat, tired, sick, scared, suicidal, seemingly stupid and angry. We need help in adjusting our meds and telling the doctors what we need. It is not ok to have these side effects and when we are in the middle of them and a doctor is telling us just to "wait and see how things go," we feel helpless and want to give up. Help us find different medications and comprehensive treatments that do not have so many side effects. Advocate for us if we are intimidated by our doctors.

2. Some of us with bipolar disorder cannot work like "normal" people. We cannot go to the office or keep a 9-5 job. It simply makes us too sick to function. Many of us have had a different job every year because we want so badly to fit in and be like everyone else. The reality is that we may need to find alternative ways to support ourselves and we truly need your help. Please understand that we WANT to be productive- we just have to find a different way of being productive. Going to an office really is not everything. If we need disability, help us get disability and understand that it is so very humiliating for intelligent people like us to have to get help from the government because we can't work. Never, ever make us feel guilty because we can't work! Help us find work that is non stressful, fun and helps us be independent. And if you are supporting us because we can't work- thank you so very, very much.

1. People with bipolar disorder are intelligent, funny, creative, free thinkers, different, loving and kind - WHEN THEY ARE WELL. People with bipolar disorder are demanding, sad, annoying, scary, self centered, all over the place, uncaring, dangerous, and crazy - WHEN THEY ARE SICK. In order to help us be all of the good things, bipolar disorder must be treated first. This is the ONLY way for us to have a good relationship. Because bipolar disorder does not want any of us to be happy. Friends and family are so important in the lives of people with bipolar disorder. We do not need you to take care of us- not at all- we need you to help us take care of ourselves: Take care of yourself first, get the right tools and then show us that you are willing to join us in our goal for a stable life. Always take care of yourself, but NEVER GIVE UP ON US!

[BlackPup]

http://helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_...ds_support.htm

Has some really good points and is easy to read. It also has lots of links for further information. It does have a fair amount of information to get through so it might be a bit daunting...

[romanjames2004]

I'm so sory youre going through this. My family is the same way. they all thinnk that I just want attention or somehting. They are also catholic and say that they don't belive in those [psychiatic] disorders, however, my aunt claimed that shes always wanting her way becasue she suffered from PPD 7 years ago. They're crazy. I hope that your mom doesn't fully interfere with your treatment.

Hope you feel better.

[vjdragonfly]

When I told my parents they really just didn't react at all. It was almost like they didn't hear what I was saying. It has been a year now since I told them and they still avoid the subject as much as possible. I recently educated them more on my depression side of it and my dad seemed to listen. So I think it takes time for someone to except the reality their child has a mental illness. I hope your parents are more willing to get educated then mine are.

Sugahorse thanks for sharing that. I'm going to print it out and share it with my husband and anyone else in my family willing to read it.

[Amandas256]

Sugahorse, love the reply! It kind of made me emotional reading it. It is so true! Firestar, hang in there. Don't let your mom's reaction get you down. Most people don't realize how tramatic Bipolar can be. She is probably in denial about it. No parent wants their child to be sick and Bipolar is a scary thing for most people. Here are your hugs!

[MadyJohannah]

I remember when I told my mom that I was dx'ed with bp2 and mdd. She wouldn't talk about it. She told me that she thought I just needed a vacation or I needed to move away from where I was living and take a break from the people I knew for a while and I would probably feel better. I was stupid for believing a dr and an idiot for taking medication for something that clearly wasn't there. That was about five years ago and to this day she still won't talk about it. She is still afraid of what people will say if they "find out" what's wrong with her daughter. My whole family is that way. I just never talk about it anymore. I tried to tell them and make them understand, but they just tuned me out eventually. My dad still has no clue. I never mentioned it to him. He would probably think like they do if he did know. My mom even tells me that I am doing better everyday on my meds, but she refuses to talk of it. Odd, I think, but what can you do? People who are afraid of something like to believe it's not there. It makes them feel better and safer. I hate it, because I don't believe there's anything wrong with me, but I can understand. That's why I am so glad I found this place. I like to hear from and about people who are going through the same things I am and who aren't going to judge me.

Maybe one day your family will come around. I wish you the best of luck with that. In the mean time, keep your head up. You are your number one priority. You are taking care of you and that's something to be proud of, regardless of what other people think.