[allme]

Hi guys,

I guess the title of this thread sounds pretty desperate for attention,.... well thats because I am

It nearly 5am and have spent the night crying, counting (ocd) and staring into space for vasts amounts of time.

I've been doing so well, I mean really really well since taking my new meds (seroquel xl) but recently we (my husband & I) have encountered problems with the sale of our home going through. This coupled with a blase solicitor who couldnt give a damn has really triggered me and it has me feeling terrible. I'm feeling depressed with my head is manic, racing with thoughts (all negative) which, if could be seen, would look like this lsjbdvobjdsv;OB;oosdbvkjbw869676t7w348tg888888888))CA jilhndlksjb

I am drilling down.... down down down.... cant stop it, cant sleep, eating loads, all rational thoughts out the window.

I feel as though maybe this is just who I am... just in my genetic make up to make the wrong choices and forever have no luck ... I hate life right now... at the first point of stress, I'm triggered and it makes me feel so weak when i see others that are worse off than me but are able to cope much better. What a loser I am.

OH and as for friends.... I dont feel like I have any. Lost one friend this year because she took my mood swings personally.... the stuck up little bit**, spolit too! To hell with her and to hell with current friends.. none of them truly understand and its times like this when I need em most and they are not there. They just dont know what to say. Funny, I manage to be there for them when they need it. I txt a friend today telling a little how I was feeling... she just said, sorry to hear that, speak soon. WELL HELL, thanks a bunch... soon, as in, when I am feeling better soon?!?!?! IT WILL THEN BE TOO LATE! *screams*

Now I am crying again... I AM SOOO FRICKING ANGRY AND UPSET AND TIRED AND FED UP AND SO OVER THIS CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Amazonmom]

I can sit with you and hand you Kleenex if you want. Or we can do something more fun, get to be friends? I won't blow you off!

[allme]

Hello and thank you for replying. Could do with a both actually... a friend with a kleenex? lol ooh you got a smile out of me.

It feels so good when someone hears your cries. BPD can be so lonely at times... just to know somebody is taking the time to listen (or read!) what you're saying means so much ..... I'm so exhausted.. really neeed to sleep but my mind is racing too much. Its such a terrible feeling to feel so tired but mind so very active. it will be getting light soon ((

[allme]

gonna try and go to sleep.... again....

[larakeziah]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I kinda know how ya feeling in regards to the friends situation. I get that response too if i get a response! My debts are a big thing at the moment and have really been getting me down this week!
I've been on seroquel for almost a year now and they help me alot! As long as I take them, they help me relax so I can sleep, but if I don't have them I don't sleep. (I've not had one tonight/this morning) hence why I'm still up at 5.20 am!!

I hope u feel better, and i hope things with ur house get sorted!!

Sending hugs

[sundog]

Hi allme! Here are some hugs and smiles!!! I'm really sorry things are crap at the moment. I know exactly what you mean about feeling disappointed because you were doing well and then, when stress hits, it falls apart. But the good thing is that you were doing well!! And that means you can feel well again!! I really hope things move forward with the sale of your house, and I hope you're back on track again soon mood-wise. Wishing you lots of luck!!

[Yoda]

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((allme))))

How are you doing today? I am so sorry you were feeling so bad. Know that we are here for you and we care. Please keep posting and reaching out here as you can. Do you see a t so you can talk about what is going on? Sending you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[sanityseeker]

Sweet allme. So sorry the stress is triggering such intensity. I hope you are resting well by now. You are not alone and you always have friends here.

It is so difficult to maintain friendships while dealing with an illness. I often avoid people but when I am up to reaching out it can be hard to find anyone to connect with. Last week I phoned a few friends and none of them were home. I left messages and none of them returned my calls. It hurts me to the core.

Lack of sleep and added stressers in life can really magnify things too so I really hope you can get some healing rest. Like sundog says you have felt better before and will feel better again.

[CliveWild]

Hello, I hope things improve for you.

Originally Posted by allme

Hi guys,

I guess the title of this thread sounds pretty desperate for attention,.... well thats because I am

It nearly 5am and have spent the night crying, counting (ocd) and staring into space for vasts amounts of time.

I've been doing so well, I mean really really well since taking my new meds (seroquel xl) but recently we (my husband & I) have encountered problems with the sale of our home going through. This coupled with a blase solicitor who couldnt give a damn has really triggered me and it has me feeling terrible. I'm feeling depressed with my head is manic, racing with thoughts (all negative) which, if could be seen, would look like this lsjbdvobjdsv;OB;oosdbvkjbw869676t7w348tg888888888))CA jilhndlksjb

I am drilling down.... down down down.... cant stop it, cant sleep, eating loads, all rational thoughts out the window.

I feel as though maybe this is just who I am... just in my genetic make up to make the wrong choices and forever have no luck ... I hate life right now... at the first point of stress, I'm triggered and it makes me feel so weak when i see others that are worse off than me but are able to cope much better. What a loser I am.

OH and as for friends.... I dont feel like I have any. Lost one friend this year because she took my mood swings personally.... the stuck up little bit**, spolit too! To hell with her and to hell with current friends.. none of them truly understand and its times like this when I need em most and they are not there. They just dont know what to say. Funny, I manage to be there for them when they need it. I txt a friend today telling a little how I was feeling... she just said, sorry to hear that, speak soon. WELL HELL, thanks a bunch... soon, as in, when I am feeling better soon?!?!?! IT WILL THEN BE TOO LATE! *screams*

Now I am crying again... I AM SOOO FRICKING ANGRY AND UPSET AND TIRED AND FED UP AND SO OVER THIS CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Hi Allme- Sorry that you are feeling so bad. I can totally relate to alot of your issues such as the wrong choices and lack of friends. I had no idea that I was bipolar until very recently& I spent years beating myself up for my wrong choices and other problems. Isn't it wonderful to have this forum to vent and all of these supportive people to help you through these rough times.
A few years back we had our house on the market and finally after a year had some interest in it when we found out that we had termites under the porch! I fell apart and cried for days over that. We had to buy a treatment plan costing $2000. to solve the problem , but the couple did end up buying the house. Selling your home is definetely one of lifes most stressful things. In a bad housing market it feels like it will never end but when it does it is such a relief. I am sending you hugs and positive thoughts your way. I hope that you are feeling better soon.

[laur88]

1) You are not a loser!
2) I completely understand the friend thing - I don't think "normal" people understand the intensity of what we feel when we're upset, depressed or anxious. You could try calling instead of texting - sometimes texting just doesn't quite have the capacity to express how stressed/upset you feel.
3) You have the support of PC to back you up - so keep in mind that we're all here for you!
4) Have you tried taking any sleep aids? I know that when I'm anxious I can't sleep either and a lack of sleep makes EVERYTHING worse and can push me into a depression.
5) You will get through this!

Best of luck! Know that you have my support and well-wishes!!
xox
-L

[allme]

Thank you all How very supportive and comforting I have found this thread after a terrible night! I just feel numb today... so so so tired and exhausted. The racing thoughts have stopped, which I am thankful for. Still feeling stressed, negative and depressed. I have an app with doc today. They increased my anti-depressant dosage only 2 weeks ago. I'm hoping that they'll give me some diazepam to help me if the racing thoughts come back.

Yes I do use a sleeping aid... Zopiclone. Have done for the past 2 years. It was only a few months ago I found out how highly addictive they are and that you're supposed to take a break every 1 or 2 weeks from them. Well, I've had no break whatsoever and they no longer seem to have any significant effect on me.

Contracts for sale of property came today with a list of questions that I cant get my head around. probably not a good time to look at them anyway. Ok now I'm just going on....

Thanks again everyone.... love and hugs to you all. I also appreciate that some of you have taken the time to reply and offer support while dealing with your own issues right now.... I appreciate it alot and also wish you well.

xoxoxo

[vjdragonfly]

I'm sorry you are under so much stress right now. Being exhausted doesn't help. I hope your mood levels out soon and you can get back to feeling ok.

[lonegael]

Allme HHHUUUUGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEah, I think I agree that most of my friends would say that I am just a wee bit intense. It just part of who we are. I sometime think of it in terms of living in five instead of four dimensions (4 including time) or seeing an extra color. Not always so fun. But very, very different. Welcome and pull up a pixel. Hope you enjoy the ride:_)

[sundog]

Good luck at your doctor's appointment today! I hope he can give you something to help Keeping everything crossed for you!

[PT52]

allme: hope you feel better soon..

allme!

("pull up a pixel" ! LOL, lonegael!)

[Travelinglady]

Hi! You certainly have my support--and a smile!

I was prescribed Seroquel for awhile--and I do have to say that I really did sleep well. It is officially an anti-psychotic, and I am Bipolar. But even my regular doc said she sometimes prescribes it for insomnia. I got away from it, because I feared tardive dyskinesia, since I was having mouth trembling, etc. (I was also on a lot of other stuff, too.) Some people say benedryl works for them. It has helped me, I think.

I'll be thinking of you.....You have more friends than you think!

[allme]

Thanks again all!! Feeling alot better today and will be moving this tuesday!! Cant wait!!!! xxoxo

[sundog]

Yay! That's great! Congratulations on the house sale going through and happy moving!

Originally Posted by allme

Thanks again all!! Feeling alot better today and will be moving this tuesday!! Cant wait!!!! xxoxo

Yea! Moving can be fun. A lot of work, but fun, especially in setting everything up in a new space.

[laur88]

Originally Posted by allme

Thanks again all!! Feeling alot better today and will be moving this tuesday!! Cant wait!!!! xxoxo

Yay!! That's so exciting! I'm glad you're feeling better!

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((allme))))

Continuing to think of you and send you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Know you are cared about a lot. Always.

dps

[DancingAlone]

hi allme, don't usually jump over to bipolar forum but saw your cry for help. i'm bipolar too, dx'd late in life (at 48), life was pretty much hell before that, and if it weren't for the meds., well, who knows? it's a wild, crazy disorder and takes us to places we'd rather not go, even the fun times! lol

but wanted to share a tad about being on seroquel. pls, not playing doc, just was told this by a pdoc i trusted when i got on it. he said: when u get manic, up your dose by 100mg-150mg until it eases off (pls check with your pdoc about doing this, i don't know if u can do this on the xl type). i can only tolerate 150mg cause of very bad swelling in feet etc. but do what he says when i get waaaayyyy "up there"! and i take lasix and K for the swelling...easy enough solution. don't u hate the friggin' side effects to these meds??!! but i LOVE being able to sleep for once in my life.

anyway, glad the house situation got solved. triggers are so awful. do u have a bipolar group to go to IRL? mine really helped me feel not so alone. was sorry to see it disbanded.

i'm rattling (a chatty bipolar ole gal ). but it's nice to meet you. i wish you much, much, support and ***understanding***. take care.