having trouble coping

I'm not coping too well at the minute. I owe money to everyone and my sick pay barely covers my rent! I guess i'm just pretty down at the minute and things don't look like they will get better any time soon!

I'm fed up with messing up my life but can't think straight enough to fix it!!!

larakeziah; sorry that things aren't going well right now. I can relate to the money stress and I hope it gets better soon.

((((((((Lara)))))))))

I also am in debt and know the heavy weight in places on your shoulders. I used to spend hours looking over bills, final reminders, red letters and going over and over our budget as if somehow it would magically change. It never did and in the end it made me suicidal. That was until I contacted CCCS (no charge, they are a registered charity). They are a debt management company who take a list of all your creditors and work out a monthly budget and pay them on your behalf so you have no dealings with them!

If you are in a deficit thay cant help.. but debtfree direct can help you instead.

Another option may be to speak with your local CAB?

I hope you find some relief soon... I really understand and hope you find the help you need. *hugs*

Sorry for the way things are going right now. Financial stress can be a real downer. I hope things get better for you soon.

Ugh..I got a call from the bank that carries my car loan. We are behind on payments and they are calling me at work...we are trying to work out a payment plan so I dont loose my car, but they made me feel horrilbe. The woman was telling me that she made less money than me, was a single mom, and she could pay her bills. She told me to go look for help from the United Way or churches. The vision in my mind of standing outside of a church begging for money makes me want to cry...I did cry...all night. I know how you feel. Right now it is unbearable.

larakeziah,

Do the things that you have control over. Nothing else matters. Owing money will not kill you. I speak from experience from owing creditors over $60,000. I made myself absolutely sick over this and constantly beat myself over the head for being such a screw-up. Beating myself up and saying mean things to myself only made matters worse.

What helped?
I consulted with a bankruptcy attorney for information and support.
I said outloud to myself that there is 'NO DEBTORS PRISON).
I changed my phone number so that I did not have mean collection people calling me. I changed my address from my home to a PO Box so that mail did not come to my home (and lessened the chances of getting served).

What helped most?
I forgave myself. I did a searching and fearless moral inventory and decided that I needed to turn over my finances and my money to my mother (she is my trustee) because I spend recklessly when I am manic.
I started living within my means - I no longer have credit or debit cards.
I learned that self-esteem does not come from a new dress, shoes, etc.

As long as you have enough money to keep a roof over your head, you are OK. This too shall pass - Don't make it worse like I did by beating myself up and imagining myself in jail. I think of all the energy and time I put into making myself anxious over credit card debt. Do you know how many people are in the exact same position as you? Many of us on this forum have gotten ourselves in over our heads. Think about something you can do today. Laurie

I know how you feel I am in the same boat. what state are you in? I live in Virginia. money will always be a burden on me and maybe even a trigger to manis. I hope things get better for you.

Gene

thank you all for takin the time to read and for your input. I've been to the citizens advice bureau and they are helpin me. They are going to write to the ppl i owe money to. I owe money to my friends mum who i live with. I've not been able to pay my full rent and so i owe her money. I owe my mum money and my grandma. I didn't ask my gran to lend me the money she jus wrote me a check and said to jus pay her back when i was back on my feet. The thing is tho i don't know when that will be! I've been off work for 14 weeks with broken ankles an now i'm not sure i can go back to work! I hate being off work, i'm not one to sit around doing nothin unless less i'm really depressed, but now, i know it sounds stupid but i'm petrified of going back to work, the thought of it makes me feel sick and anxious and i don't know why! I really don't know if i can go back to work even tho i want to! Has anyone else felt this way?

Hi larakeziah: I know exactly what you mean and for me it was severe anxiety, and having problems like finances can definitely make it worse. Talk to your doctor or therapist to see if it's possible to add a med that directly addresses anxiety.

Laurie1041 gives some really good advice - do the things you have control over. Get the information you need to move forward, and don't look back. It's really hard to do, but if you just accept that things are what they are, then you will be able to focus on fixing it.

Good luck!

thanks, i'll speak to my doctor next time i see her and tell her of my anxiety about returnin to work. I've only admitted it today and my mate keeps going on at me askin when i'm gonna go back to work, and that i don't wanna be one of those who never go back cos they're stuck in a rut etc, i felt sick at the thought when she was babbling on this evening. Didn't have the guts to tell her my fears tho!

I'm sorry things are so tough. I can only imagine the extra stress this causing, as well as anxiety.
I cannot assist much, as I don't how how the law and organisations work in your side of the world - but i'm here for you to vent

(((HUGS))))

It isn't about having the guts - you told us, and that was probably pretty tough. Your friend (is this your room mate?) probably has your best interest in mind, but my guess is you didn't tell her because it would create more conversation that you don't need now. It sounds like your gran is pretty supportive - any possibility you could live with her until your finances are in order and you're able to get back to work?

I hope you're able to sort out your anxiety problems; there were so many things I missed out on because I was afraid of trying anything new. One thing I learned, tho. With a little help from my family, I started to make myself do the things I was scared of. I'm still scared a lot, but I know now that the anxiety can only stop me if I let it.

I hope today is a better day for you.

thank you sugahorse and PT52 I live with my friend and her parents and pay them rent but i'm already a month behind. My mum said i could stay with her for a bit till i get straight but i'd feel bad because i don't think they would be able to afford the rent on the house if i moved out. I've not built up the courage to tell her thats what i want to do because all this business is makin me ill and very depressed!

I have depts but its interest free I am trying to pay it off slowly I find it draining as each year I am hounded by them for more money but on my wages I just cant. When I tell people they always says what have you got to worry about its interest free and they cant make you pay any more than you are paying, I have to find money to go towards the fees for the home my father is in. He is senile and my mother is a manic depressive and tried to kill him. I know where every penny of my wages go thankfully I have a son who live with me that helps me with the bills. Sometimes I feel like all I want to do is die as the depression just makes everything worse than it is. Hang in there I dread going to work but I dread losing my job more. You are making steps to sort yourself out

Well...if you're already a month behind and your income is less than your expenses, you would eventually be living there for free, I would think. While it's tough on them if they can't make the rent, you really do need to put your own situation first. Move back in with your mom until you're on your feet again - tell your room mates that you'll be able to live with them again once you have income enough to cover the rent and your other expenses. It is hard to disappoint people, not doubt about it. But it's way more important to take care of your needs first. Lots of positive vibes coming your way and I hope you can get this sorted out soon.

thank you! I know i need to tell them that i'm gonna have to go to my mums for a while but its jus findin the right moment and havin the courage to do it. Will try 2moro after i've been to my mentalising group and physio. I'll see what mood she's in tho. She's not well at min either, she suffers real bad wiv IBS so i feel guilty bout that too the more i think about it all the more distressed i get!

I know this is really tough for you - ask yourself why you should feel guilty about this. You aren't responsible for her moods; guaranteed she's not going to be happy when you tell her! But her moods are hers to own. And you're certainly not to blame for her IBS. I know that it's easy to feel like you're making it worse, but she needs to own her problems the same way you are trying to own yours. Chin up, and don't be afraid to take charge of your life!

i couldn't tell her, i jus can't pluck up the courage and this is makin me feel worse! I don't know what to do this whole situation is makin me ill! I'm jus not happy livin here at the moment and don't know how to tell them cos i don't think they'll be able to afford the rent if i'm not there! This is drivin me insane! I can't sleep but then i spend all day in bed cos i can't face them and to be honest i can't be bothered to listen to them chat on and moan and don't wanna talk or do anything aaarrrggghhh! My friends parents have been out and they have jus got in, the dogs heard them before the opened the front door and started growlin and barkin so i went to top of stairs to see wat was up and i saw shadows at front door, i thought they were stayin out at their mates so wasn't expectin anyone to be openin front door and when they came in she asked me what i was doin at top of stairs and so i said i went to see what the dogs were growlin at and she just seemed funny wi me. Whats that about? I jus don't feel comfortable there anymore or that i fit in anymore. This is so hard and doin me no good at all!

I guess your only other option would be to move while they were out of the house..

i had thought about this but i jus can't do it to them cos they have been so good to me and have helped me through a lot even though i have put them thru hell over the past 4 yrs and i'd probably be dead right now if it wasn't for them. Which at the moment i wish i was dead. I've also considered writin a letter or txin her but what ever i do she gonna ring me and want to discuss it. The longer i wait tho the worse i'm gettin!