Hello everyone,

Thought I'd post a little update as to how I'm doing - not the best.

I'm attending school regularly, which is good, but I've lost the motivation. I guess you could say I'm going through a depressive episode.

Lately I've been getting urges to self-harm by taking too many pills. I've told my dad and brother about this, so they are supporting me, but sometimes it feels like too much.

My boyfriend is going through a rough time - so I'm trying to be supportive towards him while still maintaining my composure. It's really hard! My dad is also going through a rough time, so I'm trying to seem "OK" so I don't put any pressure on him.

I'm also physically ill - I have a pretty bad cold that has been going around.

Also, I've been playing a lot of this MMORPG game called Tibia...I guess you could call it an addiction. It seems to be the most important thing in my life right now. How pathetic is that? It's like an escape for me.

Ok, enough of my ranting. I hope you guys are doing better than me.

[PT52]

Melissa -

You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others...I know that's kind of cliche, but it's true.

Having a cold can make everything feel worse; rest and give yourself time to get over it. Maybe then you can get more motivated in your school work.

Don't know what to say about the game playing, but if you feel it's the most important thing in your life, maybe it's something you should put aside for the time being?

Wish I could bring you some chicken soup, kleenex and a cheesy chick flick...guess the best I can do for now is a hug.
Feel better soon

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by melissa.recovering

Lately I've been getting urges to self-harm by taking too many pills. I've told my dad and brother about this, so they are supporting me, but sometimes it feels like too much.

Melissa.recovering I'm glad your dad and your brother know. Have you spoken to your P-doc about it? Do you see a therapist at all? I'm very concerned and I think you also need to bring the mental health professionals into the loop (if you haven't already).

blueoctober,

I'm seeing my p-doc tomorrow, and will be telling him about my thoughts of self-harm. Thanks for the reply.

Thank you for your very kind words, PT52

[blueoctober]

Keep us posted melissa.recovering and I hope you start feeling better soon.

[sugahorse1]

Self-harming with tablets is something I OFTEN consider. It appears that my T is not that concerned, or if she is, she doesn't make it obvious.
Yesterday I took max dose of Klonopin plus a sleeping tab once I got home - it was my way to get away from the pain.
So, Mel - I do understand. I've also had those times when I've been too depressed to study. I've been able to defer one exam so far; at other times I just didn't pitch to write. And I know the strain it puts on your self-esteem.
I'm here to offer you as much advice and support as I can.
Please remember - taking time out now may seem irrational, but this short break will save you weeks/months/years or time in the future once you've really reached the end of your tether.
If you are in a deep depressive episode, it's time to speak to your pdoc to change your meds

[Moreta]

i've been where you are now, and this is going to sound like a cliche, but hang in there. it's really all we can do sometimes.

i'm glad you're going to go see your pdoc, hopefully they can make some suggestions.

keep us updated.

[vjdragonfly]

(((Melissa)))
I'm sorry depression is getting the best of you. Remember to take good care of yourself first and foremost. I'm glad you will be seeing your pdoc soon. Hopefully they will be able to help.

[blueoctober]

Just checking in to see how you are doing melissa.recovering.

Originally Posted by blueoctober

Just checking in to see how you are doing melissa.recovering.

Yes, melissa.recovering, how are you doing? How did the P doc appt. go? Sending lots of good thoughts your way...

[sugahorse1]

Hope things are looking better for you!

Hello everyone,

Thanks for the support.
My p-doc appointment went pretty good. We talked about my feelings of depression, so we came to the conclusion that more shock treatments were necessary. HOWEVER, he said he couldn't help me with my feelings of wanting to self-harm, because it's one of my Borderline traits. =/ He said therapy will help, when I start it. (My first meeting is October 13th).

So I guess I'll just have to hang in there until I start therapy. Thanks again for your support guys!

[sugahorse1]

I am very interested to hear how theray will help you with the thoughts of self-harming... As mentioned, I'm very prone to self harm with meds (Sleeping meds, sedatives...) And I'm not sure where to seek help; the pdoc or the T?
I'm on the borderline fence of thinking I want to try shock treatment, but very apprehensive.
Glad you are keeing your head above water - see, you can do it!

[blueoctober]

I hope the therapy goes well. I assume there isn't a group that starts earlier than October 13?