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Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in the US
Posts: 238
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#1
Help. I feel like I'm losing my mind again. I'm agitated. Can't sit still. Impulsive. Emotional. Irrational. I'm taking my meds but I feel almost as crazy as I did before I was hospitalized a little over a month ago. Just took a klonopin. Waiting for it to kick in. Wishing I had something much stronger. Literally writhing for no good reason. Don't know what to do. Something isn't right. What should I do??
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: usa
Posts: 1,730
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#2
Does your Pdoc have an emergency number? I would call if you have one. Otherwise if you are feeling this bad I think the ER would be where to go.
I hope you feel better really soon. __________________ "Unipolar is boring! Go Bipolar!" Amazonmom is not putting up with bad behavior any more. |
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Major Dog Lover
Member Since Aug 2010
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, California
Posts: 33,515
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#3
Really sorry you're going through this. I agree that going to the ER is a good plan if you're feeling something isn't right. I hope the Klonopin kicks in and brings you some relief. Let us know how you are doing.
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Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in the US
Posts: 238
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#4
I survived last night with the klonopin, but I still feel agitated and obsessive and quite grumpy this morning. I have an appointment with the Pdoc on Monday, but I'm thinking I might need to see him sooner if I can get in.
If I were to to go the ER, they'd probably hospitalize me and call it another mixed episode. I can't afford to be hospitalized right now. My school situation is precarious enough as-is, and I'm determined to somehow finish this program. I need this to just go away so I can be fully functional again. Something isn't right, and I feel like reality is slowly (and thank goodness it's slow) slipping away from me. No hallucinations or anything... yet... but I don't think I'm too far off from that (actually, I think I hallucinated a light and a sound in my room last night that made me sit bolt upright right as I was falling asleep.) So, I'm going to contact the psychiatrist again and ask him if he can see me sooner. Wish me luck. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,188
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#5
Quote:
__________________ "Better not look down, if you want to keep on flying Put the hammer down, keep it full speed ahead Better not look back, or you might just wind up crying You can keep it moving, if you don't look down" - B.B. King Come join the BP Social Society on Psych Central Everyone is Welcome! |
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Maidan Chick
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: On the faultlines of the hybrid war
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#6
You know, I fully get your feeling about school situation. Easy to say "well-being" comes first... but how to be well, when the situation you're in is not ideal? Do you have some coping mechanisms that work for you, to get you through the situation? Do you have somebody whom you can talk to?
Stay safe. sending some positive energy. |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in the US
Posts: 238
15 |
#7
My psychiatrist will see me tomorrow around noon. 25 hours to wait. I do have a psychologist but he called and rescheduled tomorrow's appt to monday. Maybe I'll see if he can see me sooner too.
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Major Dog Lover
Member Since Aug 2010
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, California
Posts: 33,515
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#8
That's great you're getting in to see your pdoc tomorrow. Really hope he can help! Hope you can see your psychologist sooner too. Good luck!!!
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Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in the US
Posts: 238
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#9
I came home from school/work early today because I was just too distracted and too emotional. It's hard to focus on patients and learning when you're preoccupied with your own precarious mental state.
Now I'm on klonopin again... sleeping the day away and not getting any schoolwork done. At least it helps pass the time, but I should try to get SOMETHING done. I don't know what the psychiatrist is going to want to say or do tomorrow. I've only met with him once, so I don't know if it's his style to try to manage situations like this on an outpatient basis, or if he's going to want to send me to the hospital for stabilization. Part of me wants to be hospitalized. Part of me hopes that it isn't necessary. Most of me knows that it could be disastrous to my education and possibly ruin my career. I've fought so hard to get this far (within 4 months of graduating) that it would be tragedy if I couldn't make it. Even on the klonopin, I'm nervous. Bipolar really sucks sometimes. |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: usa
Posts: 1,730
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#10
You are taking positive steps. Good job! I understand your school situation given that you are so close to finishing...
__________________ "Unipolar is boring! Go Bipolar!" Amazonmom is not putting up with bad behavior any more. |
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2010
Location: Florida
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#11
I hope you psychiatrist is able to help you tomorrow. Hopefully it will not result in hospitalization for your sake. You are so close to finishing that I hope you will be ok. Sending good vibes your way and wishing you the best.
__________________ Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Seuss |
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Elder
Member Since Nov 2008
Location: Sunny East Coast Florida!
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#12
one thing i was told early on after being dx'ed was i was responsible for my bipolar-meaning if things weren't going right i needed to get help. good for you for all you have doneto do just that. you reached out for help. please keep us posted on the outcome. we care about you.
__________________ Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in the US
Posts: 238
15 |
#13
Thanks for your support everyone. I am indeed scared, but [now that I've taken another klonopin] I'm sure it will work out. I'll let you know what he says tomorrow. Until then, yay for drugs that help keep me sane(r).
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Upwards and Onwards!
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 7,878
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#14
You can make it!
You are being very responsible and doing what you can. You have notified your health care professionals (More than i can say for myself as I just chickened out of a T app!) I too take Klonopin until I feel numb. Then once I'm home I take a sleeping tab and hope that when I wake up in the morning I'll feel better. It's not ideal (I've been told i just don't face my emotions and sleep is my way of running away from everything) but until you see your pdoc, I guess this is the most responsible coping mechanism I've fortunately never landed up in a place where I've hallucinated - please give me some insight if you are comfortable. When you feel it coming on and what the first subtle signs are. Thinking of you! __________________ "I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller" Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in the US
Posts: 238
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#15
Ah, hallucinating. I've really only done it once before I was hospitalized mid-August. I'm sure it's different for everyone, but for me, it started with a deep and inescapable feeling that something just isn't right (which is what I'm feeling now). Then, while I was at church, the colors of people's clothing were distractingly bright. The patterns in the carpet and in the wallpaper seemed to wiggle a bit. Every now and then, I would see a dark figure in the corner of my eye, but when I turned (or jumped) to look, there was no one or nothing there. The scariest part was when people's faces looked grotesquely distorted to me - eyes too big or too small, mouth too big, teeth all over the place... just freaky. Should be no surprise that I had a massive panic attack. That's how I hallucinate. Fortunately, 1.5mg of klonopin made it go away that time, and I have a feeling that the klonopin I'm taking now is helping to stave it off this time around...
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,188
14 |
#16
Quote:
__________________ "Better not look down, if you want to keep on flying Put the hammer down, keep it full speed ahead Better not look back, or you might just wind up crying You can keep it moving, if you don't look down" - B.B. King Come join the BP Social Society on Psych Central Everyone is Welcome! |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in the US
Posts: 238
15 |
#17
Psychiatrist said that I can be managed as an outpatient, at least for now... but hospitalization is still on the table in case things get any worse. He's increasing my abilify to 20mg, and he wants me to take 1mg klonopin twice a day. Normally that dose would totally knock me out, but with as agitated as I've been, it's just enough to keep me fairly calm and sane. He's convinced that increasing the abilify will get me out of this mess, and that the klonopin will help me stay sane until the abilify kicks in. I guess we'll find out.
The psychologist was a little more worried, and at one point asked me if I would be "safe," or if I need to go somewhere where I can be safe. I reassured him that although I'm depressed by the course of the disease, I have no strong or clear plans to take my life. I just hate the thought that I'm likely facing a lifetime of intermittent misery thanks to my disease. He understood. I'll see the psychologist again on Monday, and I see the psychiatrist again next Friday... |
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2010
Posts: 81
14 |
#18
Quote:
Well, the thing is you are going crazy. I'm already there and it's not as fun as you'd think it would be. |
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Major Dog Lover
Member Since Aug 2010
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, California
Posts: 33,515
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#19
I'm glad you got to see your pdoc and that he thinks this can be managed on an outpatient basis for now. I really hope that increasing the Abilify helps quickly. And it's good to hear that the Klonopin is doing it's job. Good luck with your psychologist on Monday!
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Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in the US
Posts: 238
15 |
#20
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