[BNLsMOM]

At the rate I am gaining, I will be 300lbs by the end of the summer. I started out at 146, with a somewhat athletic build. I could see muscle tone and I was strong.

Then I got depressed and stopped exercising. I put on 10lbs. Then I started meds and have gained nearly another 20lbs, 10 of which I have put on since starting Lithium two months ago.

It is not worth it to me. I was awake off and on all night last night trying to figure out how to get off the Lithium.

My p-doc told me that I have to be on the treadmill every day. I started being way more active since then and on vacation, but the weight gain continues. I do admit that I make poor food choices sometimes, but most days I do OK.

What do I do? I am getting depressed about the weight gain. Without the meds I get depressed. I haven't found a combo that gives me good stability. I feel like I am ruining my physical health.

So I feel like I have to choose. Mental health or physical health.

What a choice.

[darkside35]

hi I feel the same way i have been on meds from a-z and everyone had the side effect of weight gain, i was 125 before meds now well i am alot more.... but the two new meds i am on now also have weight gain issues but... i feel better mentally and for myself and my family that is more inportant to me. but i still would like to feel better about myself so i try walking when i can i think being outside is a little more cheery than being on a treadmill but i guess its what you prefer, now the only thing med wise i can tell you is my doc put me on topamax to help with the weight i dont know if that is an option for you, some people have enough meds to take but i also take them for migraines so it serves both purposes. I dont know if this helped but oh god i understand!

[cocos421]

I used to be on Lithium, so I feel your frustration. I was about 138 and after 190 pounds, I decided enough is enough. I found a new pdoc and she took me off the Lithium and started me on Topamax, along with Lamictal, which I had already been taking, and I was taking Abilify as well.
The Topamax helped me to lose all my weight, and then some. It also is a great mood stabilizer for me. This is the best combination of meds I have been on. I have been on this combo for over 2 years and have just added Prozac for my depressed periods.
I hope you can find something that works for you, but the Lithium is what put weight on me. It made me hungry, tired, and sluggish.

I gained quite a bit a weight once I started on meds, but it did finally level off, just at a higher weight. I've come to a place where I just have decided to accepted the heavier me if that's what it takes to be mentally healthier. Sure, I'd rather be thinner, but to do that, I'd probably be sacrificing my sanity. Not really a choice in my book.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by darkside35

hi I feel the same way i have been on meds from a-z and everyone had the side effect of weight gain, i was 125 before meds now well i am alot more.... but the two new meds i am on now also have weight gain issues but... i feel better mentally and for myself and my family that is more inportant to me. but i still would like to feel better about myself so i try walking when i can i think being outside is a little more cheery than being on a treadmill but i guess its what you prefer, now the only thing med wise i can tell you is my doc put me on topamax to help with the weight i dont know if that is an option for you, some people have enough meds to take but i also take them for migraines so it serves both purposes. I dont know if this helped but oh god i understand!

I would much prefer to be outside and I walk outside whenever possible. The weather here has been either very cold or very rainy. Personally, I would just bundle up and deal with it, but my two year old hates the feeling of wind or rain, so I usually wait until he is asleep and I hit the treadmill.

Also, I couldn't tolerate Topamax. It was the first med I tried. I was hoping it would work for me, but I ended up in the hospital while taking it and had to come off.

[venusss]

Your weight doubled? That really seems bit too much. If you excercise and eat well most of the time, as you state, you probably shouldn't be gaining so much.

Sanity is one thing, but being overweight will not only help your mental health, but it is also damaging to your body. Try talk to your doctor what the choices are.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I gained quite a bit a weight once I started on meds, but it did finally level off, just at a higher weight. I've come to a place where I just have decided to accepted the heavier me if that's what it takes to be mentally healthier. Sure, I'd rather be thinner, but to do that, I'd probably be sacrificing my sanity. Not really a choice in my book.

I hope I can come to that place, but so far I am not seeing enough stability to make the weight gain worth it. In fact the weight gain is contributing to some instability.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

Your weight doubled? That really seems bit too much. If you excercise and eat well most of the time, as you state, you probably shouldn't be gaining so much.

Sanity is one thing, but being overweight will not only help your mental health, but it is also damaging to your body. Try talk to your doctor what the choices are.

No, it hasn't doubled yet. I think my math is off, but I am gaining way too fast. 10 lbs in two months since Lithium. I have gained a total of 27 in a year. It's alot for me.

[perpetuallysad]

I completely know where you are coming from. I gained a significant amount of weight the 2 years on I was on Effexor and throughout the past 3 (5 years total) all I do is gain weight slowly. I guess I've gained about 50lbs total. I've done everything under the sun to lose weight (I haven't gained any more in about 3 months, but that's because-I think-I stopped taking anti-psychotics) exercise, aerobics, yoga, walking, strictly limiting my food. I have had my thyroid tested and checked for diabetes, but none of that shows up as wrong. It is devastating to my completely non-existent self-esteem. I feel like my metabolism has become broken through all these medication changes, but I have no clue if that's even a possibility. My pdoc is conscious of how upset I am, and he hasn't put me on lithium specifically because it does cause weight gain...but I know that I would be a million times worse off on nothing, so I try to accept me. Its hard. I feel so embarrassed about how I look. I have severe social anxiety as it is, and this compounds it horribly. I'll shut up because I'm hijacking your thread, but I really do sympathize with you.

My says, "Do you want to be thin and in the psych ward, or do you want to be heavier but mentally healthy?" A bit of a catch-22 isn't it?

[perpetuallysad]

My pdoc says nearly the same thing. I stated that if I were thin again, I would feel better. He disagreed and says that I felt badly when I was thin too. It is most definitely a catch-22.

[grizmom]

It is a crappy choice, I agree. I've been at a stable but heavy weight for a couple of years now; it was hard for me because I was anorexic for 12 years, so I was always very thin. I finally decided that I'd rather be overweight with my moods under control than be thin and have my episodes put me back in the hospital. Plus I'm not interested in dating anyhow, and my cat loves me no matter how much I weigh, so I'm through trying to impress anyone with the way I look. What is inside is more important. My regular doctor sees me once a year and he said my blood pressure is fine and even though I'm very overweight, I'm not otherwise unhealthy and am not showing any signs of heart disease or diabetes or anything, so he said to not worry about the weight. I'm actually healthier now than when I was anorexic and thin. Being overweight doesn't necessarily mean you are unhealthy, even though our society makes us think that. So you're not alone!!

[venusss]

well, grizmom...but it is a health-risk.

This is one of the reasons I am scared to go on meds... I don't want to screw with my body. I am not uberthin, but I am trying to keep a healthy weight... To gain a lot would scare me. Yes, I am vain, but my looks are quite important for me. In this world looks matter.

[grizmom]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

well, grizmom...but it is a health-risk.

This is one of the reasons I am scared to go on meds... I don't want to screw with my body. I am not uberthin, but I am trying to keep a healthy weight... To gain a lot would scare me. Yes, I am vain, but my looks are quite important for me. In this world looks matter.

Here is a link to studies about the myth that being overweight means you are unhealthy:
http://www.obesitymyths.com/myth4.1.htm

[BNLsMOM]

Thank you. I don't want to start a debate about healthy weights. Heart disease and many other weight related issues run in my family and it is important to me to maintain my physical health. Of course poor mental health contributes to poor physical health as well.

I don't know, Chris, I think my thoughts are distorted right now because my weight is more important to me than my meds.

I am having so many bipolar symptoms now anyway, so I don't feel like the weight gain is worth it.

[IndigoRose]

No one has brought it up, so I will. A lot of doctors don't consider you horrendously depressed if you're complaining to them about medicine that helps, but is causing you to gain weight. It's something about vanity showing you're "not depressed enough", which I feel is complete and utter nonsense.

I can totally relate because I was 130 pounds when I first started taking meds. I was an athlete. I was put on Prozac, then Zoloft, Paxil, and a slew of other drugs over the course of a few years. I ballooned out to the point where I didn't even know who I was, and not being able to deal with yourself in the mirror isn't going to help. Topamax helped both my migraines and I lost a ton of weight on it, but once my doctor increased my dose past 125 mgs, the Topamax made me insanely depressed. I had to go off of it several times and then re-start.

I lost both of my parents at early ages (61 and 63). I have heart related problems and cancer in my family. If anyone died and it wasn't from natural causes, it was either from cancer or something related to their heart. I am trying to get myself back on track so that I can be healthy for myself. It's not about being a certain size or trying to fit into a mold, it's about what I think and feel. So BNLsMom, I agree with you. The weight gain isn't going to help because if the BPD is doing its thing even on meds, then it's time to see if something else will help you. Sometimes a new medicine is exactly what a person needs. I often feel our bodies stop responding to certain medications for a reason.

[Moose72]

I want to be thin in the psych ward.

[mamaJenof5]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

well, grizmom...but it is a health-risk.

This is one of the reasons I am scared to go on meds... I don't want to screw with my body. I am not uberthin, but I am trying to keep a healthy weight... To gain a lot would scare me. Yes, I am vain, but my looks are quite important for me. In this world looks matter.

I am with you being vain is "so bad" but I can't help it I want to put on clothes that fit right and I don't want my gut sticking out and I don't want my thighs huge I would rather be off meds than keep gaining the weight but when I look at my kids and I'm this bad on meds I couldn't do that to them again by going off them. I used to be 110lbs at 5'3'' thats normal weight..after 9 years of meds and 3 babies later I was 168lbs I am getting back down there but it is at the risk of not taking the meds my doc thinks will really help me....

[Moose72]

I am going to ask about topamax. We're duacuasung med changes at my next pdoc appt and that was on the table.

[la doctora]

I have only just begun to take Zyprexa. It is wonderful and I can really tell at difference, but I can also notice that I have gained a lot of weight in less than a month. I try to run on the treadmil a few times a week. I need to do more. I am very concerned that this medication will cause a lot of weight gain for me. I don't care if it's vain or whatever. A lot of my issues revolve around the fact that I am extremely self-conscious. It is not only that I want to look nice, but that there are heart conditions in my family too. I see that as the perfect excuse to try to keep my health weight of 125. When I have to buy new pants it is out of control as far as I am concerned. Zyprexa is super expensive too so I think I will be asking about this Topomax too. Can anyone that has taken Topomax talk about their experiences and side effects with it?

I choose thin and in the pshych ward too...

[Anneinside]

Moose, when depressed I want to die thin!

[WendyAussie]

Yes, it is a cruel conundrum that meds that are supposed to help us feel better about ourselves and the world put on weight that destroys our self esteem and like other singles mentioned our feeling of being viable on the dating scene - which I want to be. I was 60kg when I started on psych meds and topped out at 114kg, close to double my healthy weight (I am only five foot one). I am 43 and like others I don't yet have any morbid obesity related health problems but I think they will come eventually.

I have recently asked my psychiatrist about adding Topomax into my mix of psych meds but because I have been doing a lot better in terms of Bipolar Depression and he is very conservative he won't let me make a change while things are working. I wasn't pissed off at him, I'm happy to accept his decision as I trust him and he's the best psych I've ever had.

When I hit 114kg I had a Lap Band put in - 3 years ago. It was a disaster from the start, I only lost a few kilos and it caused daily choking and throwing up - even while eating their diet plan - and you can imagine the psychological effects of that. I had surgery last year to take it out but it has caused me permanent damage. I am working with a gastro specialist and we are getting some progress on a new medication but I don't know if I can take that forever. It's been a nightmare.

I just started on a low GI diet with some meal replacements and it has been going well. I lost 7kg in about 9 weeks, and you can't ask for more than that - and that is without exercising. The plan is chock full of really nutricious foods so my doctors are reaslly happy with that. I get overwhemling needs to pig out - mainly because of the 800mg of Seroquel I take, but I just talk my way through it and use AA techniques (I'm 11 years sober). I'm also on Lithium which buggers the Thyroid and thus lowers metabolism, so that doesn't help. I don't know whether I'll succeed in the long term, but for today its working.

[Fire_Star]

I'm not sure if I could emotionally deal with gaining weight. I don't think it's always as easy as 'meds make me bigger but my mental health will be better'. At least, I don't think I have the skills to balance my negative image thoughts to come out feeling positive.

I've never been the sort concerned about their weight nor bothered with healthy eating etc. I've always been slim so I never thought about it.

Over the end of last year while I was depressed I managed to put on enough weight so that people noticed enough to comment. I'm still the same dress size, just a bit more meat on the bones. :P

But now that I've started on medication recently, I'm finding I'm always freaking out about gaining weight! I've been eating 3 *large* meals a day which is 'abnormal' for me. However, the rational answer would be I'm getting healthy so able to eat well again after many months of not so have forgot what normal me does. But I still can't shake the fear of going up a dress size. ><

[ellyb]

I last visited this site 8 months ago. At that time I had been on Lithium for about 6 months. I put on about 20kg while on the drug. I went off it. On meds I am not well, off meds I am not well. I took fish oil x10g per day for months. I felt better. But now I need to lose weight. I count calories with a software program - calorieking.com - makes me really look at every single thing I put into my body and so assists me to make good choices - lots of raw vegies. But this means of course that I am limited to how much fat I take in my diet. With only about 1300 calories a day and 34g of fat, food became more important to me than the fish oil. The fish oil has gone by the wayside while I try to lose the weight. I have lost 10kg over the past 12 weeks. No excercise, just diet. I feel better, physically, but mentally - not good - never am for long really. I want to start back on the fish oil so I am going to start walking each day, to allow for it. I do think the fish oil helps. I don't expect to be balanced and 'normal' anytime soon, but some help is better than none.
Fat or thin? Is it even a vanity issue? The way you look is the end result of how you live and what you were given genetically. I want to FEEL good. I want my body that I drag around everywhere with me to feel good. That's all it's about - is how I feel. And I feel much better at my normal weight, not carrying this extra load. If I feel better within my skin, I feel better within my brain. To some extent at least.

[FireBird]

I have been on so many pills over the last few years and I have gained so much weight because of them. I used to be thin but now I am extremely fat and no guy would ever want me. Of course I don't really care about having a boyfriend and getting married and have children but I know guys would be turned off by my extreme fatness. I break scales with my near 200 pound weight. I feel like a monster. With me I just wish I don't need to take psych pills. Oh yeah I know someone who is literally dying because of being on depakote for 25 years. I know people need to take pills just to survive and staying out of the hospital, but they are known to shorten your life span considerably. I am also tired all the time because of the pills. Because of that, I have a lack of motivation to do any exercise. I would like to take walks and use a bicycle, but I just have no energy to do so. No matter how much sleep I get whether its 2 hours or even 20 hours I never feel rested. The pills only somewhat help. My mood symptoms are primarily stress driven and caused by outside events. I have enough insight to realize that my moods and reactions are too much for the events. I know that when I can't breathe and dizzy its a symptom of panic and anxiety, not a heart attack. When I am super sad and depressed, I realize its just the depression. When I sit there and think that I am going to make hundreds of millions of dollars and be world famous changing the world I am having a manic episode. In fact I think all my pain and headaches are psychological.