[dayton52]

Hello--

Exactly a week ago my 15 year old daughter was released from an 8 day stay at an in-patient facility, diagnosed with bipolar II. She's home and I think making great progress: she's stopped hurting herself and keeps up with her meds. She is feeling overwhelmed about being so far behind at school (9th grade) though her teachers have been great about working with her. Instead, she gets angry and refuses to talk to me or her mom because "we can't understand" and she has "to put up with this stuff every day." We had to pick her up early at school today--she said he couldn't finish without a "melt down." Is dealing with this part of the patience you all talk about when dealing with bipolar teens? These flashes of anger from time to time and feelings of being overwhlemed. This refusal to talk to us so we can help?

[kitty004567]

I wasn't a teenager when I was diagnosed and boy was I mad. Even though I knew it was the right diagnosis I was mad about it. I was mad I had to take medications for the rest of my life. I was mad that I gained weight. I felt like a totally different person and I really didn't like this new person. I can only imagine how much worse it must be to be a teenager going through this.

It is really hard to understand how bipolar disorder feels without being bipolar. I'm glad you're here trying to help her, its probably one of the best ways to understand the disorder. Read other people's posts. What finally made it somewhat click with my dad was going to support group with me and listening to everyone in the room describing what it feels like to go through what he saw me going through. The best explanation I ever heard to explain bipolar disorder to people without the disorder is: Imagine the cartoon roadrunner that's running along on top of a cliff and looks down and realizes the ground is gone and begins to fall...and then the coyote drops an anvil on the roadrunner. That's what it's like to have bipolar disorder.

[dayton52]

Kitty--

Thank you. This may be a dumb question, but how can I help her care about things now, like school? She's very smart and can catch up with the work, but motivating her to even try--is there anything anyone can do? If she doesn't try, she'll fail her freshman year of high school--not a tragedy, I know, but it will hurt her, I'm sure.

[Anneinside]

As a teacher, I'll say what we all say, sit with her and help her organize herself and work (not do the work for her). When she doesn't need help, you can just sit or read a book or do a puzzle. After 30 minutes or so, take a break for 15 minutes. Repeat.

[kitty004567]

Motivation is a very good question and the answer is I don't know. Anneinside has a good point...help with organization. Also, I know I tend to feel overwhelmed by something big (like I'm applying for grad school....well I'm supposed to be). So help her break it down into smaller manageable pieces.

I'd also add to ask her how she feels and what she would like you to do to help. She may have the best advice. I know I don't like being left out of the loop. Perhaps a checklist with things broken down or a chart or something. I personally like to start with something that gives me visible concrete results (because it gives me a bigger sense of accomplishment) before moving on to something more abstract with less visible results (which makes me less motivated to do). In a non-school related example I'd rather do the dishes than scrub the sink because a big pile of dishes gone from the sink is more satisfying to me than a sink that's cleaner. There's a bigger visual sense of accomplishment.

Perhaps your daughter might be able to tell you what tasks she finds rewarding. Organizing her work according to that might help. I'd also make it clear that she will fail if she doesn't do the work. On the other hand sometimes I find if I give myself permission to fail it removes anxiety and then I can carry on.

Perhaps organization by level of importance. Look at the syllabus for the class and see what is the most important and what she can slide on and still pass. I'm not saying she should skip all non-essential assignments but every now and then letting one slide might relieve some pressure on her. Make sure she knows you will love her no matter what. I hope that's helpful and sorry for being so long winded.

[widgets]

Being Bipolar and 20 years old i know that, you will have to say it very sensitively.
i havent been to college for two days and my step dad telling me that you cant just not go, just made me want to hit him!!!
although my mum stressing how important it is didnt help either.
You need to give her a reason to go, like why her life will be better if she passes the course, EG if she wanted to be a nurse, watch programs about nursing, casually say, "Oh that will be you one day!"
anything that will make her feel pressured isnt going to help.

[BlackPup]

Diagnosis is hard, it changes how you see you self and you are left with what seems like a death sentence... Life long meds, it will never get better.
Some ideas:
Give her permission to feel hurt, angry, upset, let down etc but really gently help her try to get past that (probably a counsellor would be better for this).
Some days can be really hard - unable to get out of bed etc, but also BP can easily become an excuse.... it really requires judgement, you will sometimes get it wrong, but keep on trying.
Expectations, they can cause stress, but they also give hope that someone thinks that you have value and that you have a future. My husbands expectations of me are one of the things that keep me going.

[sugahorse1]

It really is not an easy path to walk as the patient, and I'm sure as a concerned parent it can even be worse at times.
It is typical to have periods of rage. And when one is depressed, there is just no motivation. I was dx'd about 18 months ago, and have finally managed to finish my degree. I do think I've been suffering for a lot long, probably from when I was 17 and in my last year of high school. So I understand how this affects, amongst other things, one's schooling. When I was studying my degree via correspondence, I'd give myself slack during the depressive times (I am a very rapid-cycler). I also knew that when I was feeling well, I'd have to make up for lost time.
I'd break my day into chunks. I needed to quantify what needed to be done that way, and then broke it down. Every time I could tick something off, I'd feel more motivated.

I think it's great that you care so much, and I can only imagine how much it must hurt you to see your daughter going through this.
My advice is to just make your presense and support known to her. Let her have her depressed days; rage happens from time to time, but needs to be kept in check. As she becomes more mature, she'll learn to check herself. She will eventually take up your offers of support. It's just very hard when you are demotivated; it makes you feel bad and even more depressed, like a failure.

I hope we can help you make this journey as smooth as possible

[DragonflyK]

There are many ways nowadays to catch up on credits; therefore, I (as a former high school teacher) wouldn't worry too much about it all right now. I can't imagine dealing with all I've dealt with since diagnosis while being a high school student. There are all kinds of ways to receive credits as well as make that road to a college degree should it be her desire.

[RRU96]

I think everyone has great points and ideas. I think that it might help to get a better description of what its like to have Bipolar. Some time ago, someone who had been posting on here regularly asked others for some stories of what having Bipolar is like for them. I posted one, and as this person isn't on here that I can see, I will keep her blog with the other stories private. I will take my story, and post it here, so maybe you can learn my personal experience with Bipolar. Keep in mind that everyone is different. Some have varying degrees of (hypo)mania or depression. My story is unique to me and will not necessarily relate to anyone else on this board. Maybe by reading the posts on here, and asking questions like you have, you can have the knowledge to help your daughter as much as she will allow you.

To me, Bipolar is like a really fancy restaraunt. You sit down for your first of many many courses. I tell the waitress what I cannot have, and then out comes course 1. I really enjoy what they bring out, to the extent that I completly engross myself into it. Everything about this particular course is amazing, I love everything about it, I try to figure out how I can make it at home. Before I am able to finish this, the waitress comes by and removes my plate and brings out course 2. Perturbed, I go ahead and dive right into this second course, only to find out that she put tomatoes. Something that pisses me off to no end. I chew the waitress out that brought it to me, pissing her off and making her cry, only to find out, she wasnt the one who took my initial order. I simply jumped the gun and took out my anger on someone who..... oh look... Course 3. This is the best course I have had yet. The meat is so tender, I wonder if maybe I should pan fry this, but maybe if I baked it I might not be able to get it as moist. Wrapping myself around this fantastic feast, I get interupted again, by the latest and greatest course 4. This time, its burnt. The waitress comes over and I get snobby with her even though she didnt cook the food, and once again, have succeeded in pissing off someone who doesnt deserve it. So before I know it, Out comes the next course. This course means to much to me. It may have been something that I remember from my childhood. The way my mom used to make slices of bread, covered with peanut butter and sugar. Of course, thinking about this, causes me to remember the reasons my mom may have made that. The struggles my mom was facing at that time in her life, but still finding a way to feed me. Upsetting, I simply run out of the restaraunt. Locking myself away in the car. My wife pleading with me that she needs a ride home. All the time, trying to find out a way to open me up, get me to unlock the doors so that I can let her inside my emotional vehicle. Eventually, I fall and decide to open the doors. We drive around, working out my issues I had, and where do we end up? Another fancy restaraunt. Sitting down for course 1, I fall in love with the food and start the cycle over again."