[the5thprotector]

I guess I'm trying to understand bipolar more. I was diagnosed more than a year ago and I've done all the research I can but nothing pin points quite whats wrong. I hate feeling like I can't be understood. No one around me is also suffering from bipolar and I'm sure that it isn't helping my feelings of being alone.
My biggest issue is how 'short-fused' I am. There are so many ridiculous little things that set me off. I'm getting better with it though. The violance is becoming alot more managable, but the anger is still there and verbally, I lash out alot.
I feel the worst with my mom. I moved back in with her and she's done so much to support me, but we have so many issues from our past, she just sets me off so easy. I know she has changed a great deal and I know how hard she is trying, all the racing thoughts in my head just go back to all the bad things and a small thing gets blown way out of proportion.

I want mostly to understand coping mechanisms...what do you do? how do you stay in control and keep balance?

Big changes (like moving back in with my mom and starting a new job) don't smooth out for a while with me and I want to learn to make these transitions easier for me and thus those around me.
Another big change is my search for a new counselor...I can't seem to keep one because they all set me off and then I refuse to go back.

How do you find a good fit with a therapist? The last one told me medication was our only option and that counseling wouldn't help. I'm open to the idea of going back on meds but she was telling me that it was hopeless otherwise and that made me really mad. I don't like people telling me I have no hope. It makes me angry.

My best friend is the best at 'managing me' ... she straight up tells me "hey, I know this sucks but you're taking it too far. Calm yourself" or "acting like that isn't actually solving this, so breath and think about it." She knows that no matter how angry I get, she's one of the few people I could never hurt and she has no fear stepping between me and my bad choices. Her trust and faith in me (something I never experienced before her) keeps me on the straight and narrow.

I wish people were like that with me in relationships. I even tell them in advance about my condition and how she manages my emotional roller coasters, because I know it works. They never do it though and eventually I push them away or scare them off. It usually doesn't take long. Same with most friends, employers, family. The ones that have stuck around generally keep their distance and walk on egg shells around me.

I don't think all that is necessary. It's simple for them to tell me when I'm out of line. My problem is I don't realize that I'm even crossing moral lines or taking things too far UNLESS I'm told. It just doesn't register in my head until someone points it out. I don't see why it's so complicated to understand that.

Is that not a clear enough explanation? (that question is for someone who isn't bipolar to answer, a parent or someone)

It's not foolproof I guess, but it helps. I also know that not everyone is the same and that it wouldn't work for everyone but it helps me. My grandma started doing it too.
When someone tells me that I'm going overboard, I stop dead in my tracks and think about it logically and I can usually calm down pretty quick. The trick to it (with me) is telling me in a calm, assertive voice. If you yell at me, no matter what you're saying, it will get you absolutely no where. Unless you're goal is to set me off, in that case, you win.

Thanks in advance to anyone her reads this and to anyone who offers support. I'm new, but so far I like what I've found.

[PT52]

Hi the5thprotector, welcome to BP. You seem to understand well what issues you are dealing with - it seems the anger is the primary issue.

I hope this doesn't come across as harsh; I only mean to be honest, having experienced some of what you're going through. What I feel like your story is missing is ownership. You say your mom sets you off. Ownership would be understanding that you allow your mom to set you off and choosing to do something to change that. So your last therapist said something you don't like. Maybe by choosing to stay even though it made you angry, you would at least get started on meds that would help you control your outbursts. Maybe then your therapist would see that counseling could help.

I wish people were like that with me in relationships. I even tell them in advance about my condition and how she manages my emotional roller coasters, because I know it works. They never do it though and eventually I push them away or scare them off. It usually doesn't take long. Same with most friends, employers, family. The ones that have stuck around generally keep their distance and walk on egg shells around me.

I don't think all that is necessary. It's simple for them to tell me when I'm out of line. My problem is I don't realize that I'm even crossing moral lines or taking things too far UNLESS I'm told. It just doesn't register in my head until someone points it out. I don't see why it's so complicated to understand that.

If you expect others to take responsibility for your outbursts, you will not find the strength to take ownership of your behavior and do the things you know you should do to get help.

Medication can go a long way towards slowing those racing thoughts down and easing the anxiety and anger. Sending you soothing, peaceful vibes and a couple of hugs, too..

[sugahorse1]

I want to second how important meds are in managing BP. It's not the only thing, but it goes a long way. BlueOctober has a great list of other lifestyle changes that can be made to help control BP symptoms.

And I agree that we are the only ones that can fix ourselves. We must want to get better. We need to learn to understand ourselves, identify triggers and learn how to deal with or avoid them - therapy is useful here.

I hope you feel better soon! xx

[the5thprotector]

Originally Posted by PT52

Hi the5thprotector, welcome to BP. You seem to understand well what issues you are dealing with - it seems the anger is the primary issue.

I hope this doesn't come across as harsh; I only mean to be honest, having experienced some of what you're going through. What I feel like your story is missing is ownership. You say your mom sets you off. Ownership would be understanding that you allow your mom to set you off and choosing to do something to change that. So your last therapist said something you don't like. Maybe by choosing to stay even though it made you angry, you would at least get started on meds that would help you control your outbursts. Maybe then your therapist would see that counseling could help.
If you expect others to take responsibility for your outbursts, you will not find the strength to take ownership of your behavior and do the things you know you should do to get help.

I understand and appreciate what you're saying. I didn't mean to blame others for my outbursts. My intent was to explain my outbursts. I know that they are mine and I have no issue owning up to that, I see how I didn't include ownership.
I want to learn ways to control the outbursts, to control myself. I don't want to be angry about stupid things or take things out on people. I don't actually blame the people who don't understand. It just stresses me. I don't know how to change and without learning how I can't take the steps to fix it, to fix me.
I will admit though, that I have very little patience or have tried to gain perspective with the therapists I've had trouble with. If I had stayed and been put on medication, I would still be stuck with a close-minded individual who wasn't really trying to support me. She basically told me that her role in my getting better was useless and I'm not going to pay for services that will get me no where.
I have no aversion to medication but I also won't be put on medication and be monitored while on that medication by someone who I don't trust and have no respect for. I won't put my health in the hands of a woman who thinks her job is pointless. If she has no faith in her ability to do her job then why should I? I have faith in my ability to gain stability, with or without medication. If I find a therapist who can understand that and then make decisions about pills, then I'll go back on them.

Thank you for your time and concern though. I like and appreciate honesty.

[sugahorse1]

It sounds liek you've had bad experiences with T's. I never thought I'd need to see a T, and the first T I was forced to see, I think was probably a waste of time - but it's how I used that time. Now, I've made a concerted effort, and if it weren't for my T, I doubt I would have come this far. Especially when one is first diagnosed - there are so many questions and emotions. Then you need to learn coping skills, maybe delve into your past to discover any stressors...
I live for my weekly T sessions. I even complain to her about my meds, and have asked her to help me find a new pdoc. She is my primary carer when it comes to my BP (and/or BPD) and my pdoc needs to fit in around it :-)
My T cannot prescribe meds - she may seek advice from some of the pdocs she works with at the local hospital while working on her thesis, but it's up to my pdoc to prescribe the meds.
So in your case, the T may feel happier to consult with you when you are on meds. I guess this is a case of having your best interest at heart, or alternatively that's how this T thinks. Some T's believe in healing without meds.
It's up to you if you want to be on meds. A good T will understand your decision regardless.
I'm glad I've managed to build up this kind of relationship. And in the 6 months or so of therapy, I've grown leaps and bounds.

I'm glad you have a friend that understands you so well and that can help ground you.

We're here to offer support and answer as many questions as we can

[Eloise42]

I don't tend to like therapists right away, in fact I usually dislike them all at first. Which is why I make myself give a lot of them a second chance.

Right now the conventional medical treatment of bipolar is first with meds and lifestyle stuff like getting enough sleep and having a good routine and then therapy. I really understand why people have objections to medication but the right med can make things a LOT easier.

Sounds like you are already getting good at responding instead of reacting to things. I have a hard time around my mother even when I'm at my best, I have to walk away from her and take "time outs" before things get ugly.

[blueoctober]

Hi the5thprotector. When you're referring to a therapist are you referring to a Psychiatrist? I do see a therapist and a Psychiatrist, but they fill 2 different roles. My Psychiatrist is who diagnosed me and prescribes/manages my medication. My therapist is who I see to gain coping skills, talk about my concerns etc. Both are necessary for me.

For me 60% of managing my bipolar comes from medication. The other 40% comes from eating healthy, taking supplements (omega3, vitamin D, vitamin C), sleeping regularly, exercising, seeing a therapist etc. In saying that without being on medication none of the above would help. I had issues with the angry outbursts as well, but being on medication has drastically reduced it. I know medication isn't for everyone and it's a personal choice, but if you're open to it I suggest seeing a Psychiatrist and discussing the options.

[dayton52]

Hey--

I'm new to a lot of this myself, but I really agree with blueoctober, the 60/40 split. The meds my daughter is on now have really helped her mood stabilize, but they are not a cure. She's young and still hasn't learned the role she has to play herself, especially sleeping and eating well. Meds are not for everyone, but they have helped my family members. I hope you get to feeling better.

[tcmoon52]

A good therapist knows that trying to work with us when we are unmedicated is basically a waste of their time, and ours also. I wish my first therapist had known that. I went 2 years and talked about all my problems from week to week, but in the end I had not grasped the coping skills she was trying to teach me. My racing mind and angry outbursts, the polarcoaster, just kept me spining. My experience is that getting medicated and stabylized is 100%. Then once that has happened, our focus can change to 50% therapy and 50% lifestyle changes. I had no ability to learn and practice any coping skills, for any length of time, until I was medicated. It was always one step forward and 2 backwards, I was lost until I was medicated. My thoughts on therapists that are familar with Bipolar is that if I like everything they are telling me, I am wasting my time.

[sugahorse1]

Therapists are worth their weight in gold if they understand and believe in us. I could never have coped without mine. But my meds have also played a huge roll. When I find my meds are pooping out on me, I first ask my T for help and advice, so I can arrive at my pdoc's with an arsenal of suggestions.
I hope you can understand that what we are telling you are our personal experiences. Not necessarily what will work for you. But I hope you can feel better soon