[sugahorse1]

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I finally get in to see her after about 3 months. After I've had an OD attempt, and another time where I OD'd but not with any real intention. My meds aren't helping and I kept crashing. I am despondent in my life, not coping with work...
Ok, I do have the occasional day where I am coping.
She charges an arm and a leg, my medical aid (insurance) is basically used up (Have to keep asking for exemptions).

She has me on 100mg Lamotrigrine, and now adds .... wait..... 75mg Wellbutrin...

Gosh, life-changing stuff (NOT!!). I ask her what I'm supposed to do about my sui urges, what to do when I get into the darkness of depression... I tell her I can feel it sneak up on me, and I can tell when it's a really bad one, leading to sui urges, or just plain depression. I tell her I sleep 13 hours straight on weekends... and I don't get any suggestions.
Sure, I probably am an OD risk - but just give me the meds to keep me out of the depression and I won't OD.

ARG

I'm so despondent right now. It's making me anxious and a little depressed. I am feeling somewhat hopeless. It's my life and I want it BACK! I tell her about the short-term memory losses, the weight loss (Which I can't afford!)... but she says to just try this, phone in a week, and see her in 7 weeks.

ARG...

Where to from here?

Worried about texting my T (She's away) asking for ANOTHER referal. Worried she'll phone this pdoc and tell her I'm not happy.

Hello, sugahorse. The treatment is not working and a second opinion is indicated. You should not have to worry about the ramifications of seeking a referral. Your therapist should be supportive under the circumstances (as stated in your post).

You might want to print your posts and keep a journal to help keep your treatment team abreast of how you are doing. Using a mood tracker may be beneficial too: Mood Tracker.

Good luck.

[Skully]

I would seek out another opinion as Byzantine suggested. If you are not happy with your pdoc then there is little trust.

[sugahorse1]

This is the third pdoc in not even 2 years. My T asked me to stick it out with one for long enough to walk the road with her, allow her to tweak meds, get to know and understand me.
I wanted solutions for when I hit rock bottom - either a number to phone, or meds to take, or that I should take myself to the ER when the urges get too much. I don't OD for the joy of it, or to get "high" - I just want to get "higher"; out of this hole....

Well, so right now I'm luckily not depressed, but this stresses me out and is a trigger all on its own!!

[Trippin2.0]

Suga, I feel for you my friend. In which area do u stay? I could help you search for a new pdoc...

[sugahorse1]

Durban central.

[Trippin2.0]

Did some searching, check your mailbox...
I will continue to research in your area...

[Trippin2.0]

Also try emailing info@bipolar.co.za, and asking them for a referral...( that's how I got my pdoc)

[sugahorse1]

thanks so much Trippin!

I'm so angry and feel let down at the moment...

[Trippin2.0]

and you have reason to feel like that, bipolar or not!

Just try and run with it, but be careful to not let it run with you... (if that makes sense)

I hope you find a new pdoc soon, b/c this one, NO THANKS... that's a waste of money if ever there was one!

Good Luck Jackie, and remember I'm here if you need to chat.XOXO

[blueoctober]

suga the lamictal dose seems low to me. Did you discuss this with her? Perhaps in a week you could because you most likely won't get in to see anyone sooner. She may be hesitant to start you any higher on the wellbutrin. I'm not sure if she prescribed you the wellbutrinXL, but the highest recommended dose is 300 mg, so starting at 75mg is probably wise especially since your mood stabilizer is so low.

This is your health and I do agree with giving a pdoc a chance because switching all the time isn't going to help you either, but it sounds like she's not listening. Hope your mood lifts soon.

[sugahorse1]

I discussed the Lamictin with her, and asked if she didn't think it was low...?
I think it's the normal Wellbutrin, not slow release - but I don't have the script on me (it's in my car).
She's asked me to phone back in a week about the Wellbutrin... so I think i'm going to have to wait til then.
Then the festive season begins, and I can forget seeing a pdoc.
I really wish they just listened to me (Or us for that matter) - why do doctors seem like they aren't there to help us?!?

[sugahorse1]

My T is going to "investigate" and discuss ideas with me next week... only hoping this doesn't involve my T and pdoc talking to each other. And I'll look like the ungrateful, impatient patient... :-(

I hate making people unhappy!

[madisgram]

hi suga, you're where i was for 2 months long. i hate it when bipolar rules me and my life. your anger is well founded re pdoc. i'm sorry you did not feel like you were being heard. and you weren't, imho. i'm wondering, perhaps your meds are not appropriate for you. it takes time for the patient and pdoc to experiment to find the good match. so i'd say, maybe it's time for a change if your pdoc disregards the good info you provided.

[bpd2]

Suga, HUGE hugs:
IMO the Lamictal is low, too, AND somebody might mention Tegretol?..."Somebody" as in your T.
For what it's worth, my T and my Pdoc do talk to each other and I want it that way. I think it helps both of them do a better job for me. I signed a HIPPA for that...
As for meds contributing to OD risk? Puh-lease! (Uh, unless that's a known and frequent side effect, but a Pdoc should have figured that out by now for your case.)

[Trippin2.0]

Also found this : "If you are needing a referral to a psychologist, psychiatrist or support group, please can you call The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) on 011 262 6396 or 0800 20 50 26 and speak to a trained counselor who can assist you further."

[Auqinu]

Hey Suga
One thing I had to accept was that I HAVE to take my medication or I do not work...
Sounds like you are there but the system has broken down in the middle.
I am extremely lucky in that my doc listens to what I say, I go in with what's going on in my life, how I'm feeling and the reasons I want a med change. I do know I'm lucky in that he listens and always agrees with what I say.
Ok, seems like you do need someone new, or two someones new, but you also have to be taking medication that works while you are searching.
It is my experience that the mood stabilizer should be doing most of the work while a anti-depression med should be tossed in there when things are really bad. You need to tell your doctor that the mood stabilizer needs to be adjusted that yes you agree with the anti depression med, if you do, but there is not much room for adjustment with that one. I was once hospitalized for 6 months due to being on too large of a dose of anti depressants.
Any way that is what I would do, I will always adjust my mood stabilizer (I'm taking trileptal by the way, which has worked since the beginning) first. When I need anti depressants we start with the lowest dose and adjust up by small increments. atm I am taking 20 mgs celexa, I have more depression in the winter months.
Good luck to you

[lonegael]

Hang in there, suga. I'm wonderin if part of the problem isn't that they aren't paying a bit too much attention to the theory of the PD and npt enough to the BP right now. That might also explain why they are keeping the meds so low. At any rate, I would expect there to be a lot more therapy work instead. Has this been happening? Not good if there isn't the trust between you and Pdoc, for whatever reason. You need that in order to get anything constructive done. A change would be worth it just to fix that. HUGGGGGGSSSSS!

[BlackPup]

Agree... its time to find a new pdoc... Been worried about this ones dosing regimes for a bit now....

[blueoctober]

sugahorse I'm sorry you're going through this. I would suggest still contacting her in a week, but it sounds like it's time to switch Pdocs. So sorry you're going through this. You don't deserve it.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks everyone
Haven't fetched my Wellbutrin yet - hopefully this evening. I asked her if there were any side-effects to be worried about, and she said not much, maybe nausea.
And that I must take it in the morning. Worried about the increased suicidal thoughts that can come with starting an anti-dep.
Then I must let her know in a week how things are going - end of next week she's off on Christmas break, so she won't really be available...arg!

I really cannot tell how much, if anything to do with my moods is due to BPD - regardless, I usually see my T weekly, it's just been a 3 week break due to her helping her husband during a major surgery.
I trust my T; I've never signed anything to allow her to speak to my pdoc, but I do want the two to work together. I just don't expect my T to "rat me out" to my pdoc; because I'm frustrated with her.

@bpd2 - to clarify the OD thing - she's weary about what meds to give me, incase I OD. I only OD to get away from the pain; if my meds were keeping me stable, I'd never consider it!

I understand I need to take my meds, but I will only do so if I feel they are helping me. Last week (And 3 weeks before then) I wanted to take myself to hospital, due to the sui urges. I eventually OD'd on some SSRI, and felt terribly sick. Texted my pdoc. I tried to get an emergency app with my pdoc, but she didn't really hear me (I dodn't admit I'd OD'd, but told her I was in a REALLY bad place and needed an emergency app) That didn't happen. Last week Thurs I took another small OD. Was going to go to hospital yet again, but my T was away and I didn't want a new T to start (We get to keep our T when we go to hospital)

So, i have been asking for help, but it's fallen on deaf ears. I'm not an idiot, I want to get better, and I research my meds. I just want help!

[sugahorse1]

@ Blue - just checked, and it is the Wellbutrin XL. Apparently the tabs are 150mg, and I need to cut them in half?!?
Any idea what else I could expect, especially as side-effects? I'm only on the 100mg Lamictin otherwise (And took one 0.5mg Klonopin this AM)

[ladyjrnlist]

Wellbutrin is pretty easy. No real side effects. You may lose your appetite, though. I think your pdoc is trying to ease you into the meds to slowly lift your mood so you don't have too much available in case you get the urge to OD. She'll probably keep upping the dosages slowly, which is the best way to do this.

[sugahorse1]

I started 75mg on Saturday morning, so this is my 3rd morning. I know that I can expect these meds to take a while to kick in. I'm feeling a bit more energised. So far I'm still stable, so I cannot comment on how the Wellbutrin is helping with the depression - but being stable is what we all aim for; so I'm not going to complain.

Not sure if I want to keep on with this pdoc...but time will tell. Read the package insert on Welbutrin and it warns that taking more than 300mg could lead to a huge risk of having a seizure...