Terrible Sunday (trigger just in case)

This was one of the worst days I have had in a long ***** time. The night before, I was more or less accused of being a thief.

Me and my best friend have been in need of money so we have been getting loads together of scrap metal and copper to make a little extra money.

Out in the yard in front of my in-laws, has been a swingset sitting empty and lonely for some time. My friend and I ask my father-in-law if it was okay and twice he told us it was okay to take, along with other items.

Night before last I got a call from my sister-in-law asking where her money is. I was like, "Excuse Me?", literally confused as to why she was asking me for money. She continues to tell me that I did not ask anyone down there and that I took her swingset and I need to pay her for it.

Now, my friend and I both remember the same conversation, the same event, yet I am told I didn't ask ANYONE down there.

The swingset was in theory my nephews. Guess who wanted to get the side grinder and help chop down the swingset to fit in the trailer to haul.... My Nephew.

I have been falsely accused of some serious allegations before, *though police were never called oddly enough*, and I do not take kindly to someone questioning my ethics and morals.

Needless to say, it didn't sit well, and from that point, until finally last night before I went to bed, I was 110% livid. Last night on has been good barring other medical issues.

Yesterday I was screaming, throwing my cell phone, yelling at my wife for things I should have calmly talked with her about, treating her like I know I shouldnt. I feel guilty because of the emotional damage I am causing. I feel guilty but I dont know what to do.

I have talked to the pdoc and nurse and hopefully by Tuesday she said she can give me a call back. We are going to try to get back on depakote. I was on it before, complained about the weight gain (from 225 to 260), and did so well that like most of us probably at one point or another....... thought I didnt need it. I could give a rats ***** about the weight anymore.... this has got to stop.
Is there any way to help out with these bursts of just INSANE RAGE ?

Currently on:
Lamictal 200mg x 1
Celexa 40mg x 1
(and something else for back pain from a car accident, along with blood pressure medicine as needed *though it should be constant)

Sounds like FIL gave away something that wasn't his- SIL certainly saw it that way, anyway. The issue isn't between you and her- it's between her and him. I wouldn't worry about it. :-)

The problem is still that she so easily made an assumption about me and accused me of a crime.... not just some small stuff. Then wanted money.

The part I forgot to mention is that me and my wife live on $568 a MONTH.
I dont know if she is STILL getting unemployment, but her husbands disability is like... $2,000 a month.. Just got my Nephew for Christmas an Xbox360... I dont know WHO got him the Kinect.

I am not going to steal something that is worth less than $5 in scrap.... that's insane.


I think it all boils down to the fact she knows I got money... So she wanted $20. Even though it was worth < $5. Rusted, plastic was dry rotted. I am supposed to let it go in one ear and out the other according to the wife... but when I threatened to call her sister out on facebook using every 4 letter word I could think.... My wife tells me I can't.

The last part of the Rage was when I then went up to her and said if it's good enough for your family, why isnt it good enough for me. Her words hurt, and I shouldnt just have to take that. It just doesnt seem right.

I am very sorry that this happened to you. I think your anger is valid although I completely understand that it did get out of control and that you now would like a way to control it better. I take seroquel and it does help to control my anger as long as I get enough sleep. I find that my rage outbursts are very much linked to my sleep levels. If I get too little I am prone to rage and if I get to much I am prone to rage. For me that perfect amount is at least 10 hours of sleep a night. My daughter takes Risperadone and it has helped her a lot with rage as well, but I have noticed that she does also have increased appetite since beginning it.

To curb the weight gain from seroquel I take topomax, but I have taken it years and it is quit hard for some people to deal with as it has some side effects that are not fun. And a lot of people call it Dopomax. It does curb my appetite and I have no weight gain and have lost weight.

I hope things are better today!

I just have no recourse.... and I think that is the part that gets to me so bad.
Everyone there knows that I am Bipolar. Hopefully they have learned enough about it to know when this rage happens. Though it doesnt seem like it by the accusations.

Regardless, I have passed that moment... and today is a new day... unfortunatly my words last forever..

I totally relate to you..lately i have been so angry...the littlest..and biggest things make me fly off the handle...today i screamed at my mother for telling dumb pointless story..the thing was..i swear i could have just hit her...i really wanted to hurt her....even though it's a dumb reason..i have no way to..regulate myself..i have no censor..i say every terrible thing that people think and never say...i say it right to their dumb faces....

I tend to "rehearse" the things that make me really mad, go over them again and a gain in my mind until they whip me to a frenzy. I really have to work on finding ways to not do that. Either to get onto the old "mindfulness" discpline whlere you let the thoughts come and go without puttung any emotional weight on them, as if you were just putting them on cars ans letting them travel off without jusdging them, or by not even letting myself think the thought more than once. It's hard either way, because it is, after all, a habit, and the rage is like a type of high and it kicks in very fast. By the way, how is your anxiety?

Yesterday wasnt all that bad to begin with, but eventually it changed. Extreme out of nowhere aggression and rage. Never hitting anyone, though kicking and punching walls, slamming doors, throwing things (my cell phone yesterday, last year was my laptop): all of those are fair game. And it is so bizarre because just as it seems to happen in the blink of an eye... so to it goes.

Here's looking forward to the rest of the day.....