[hello9you]

i don't even know what to think any more.. I really love it and I mean LOVE it when im manic until someone stops me and says are you alright? i say yea im fine why? they say you acting...strange.. i say I'm sorry.. they say you should see a doctor.. ill drive you to the ER if you want..

hahaha what do you do with that? I'm i really loosing it like people think? or is it all in my head? I'm always in my own world don't even notice anyone or anything..talking to myself hallucinating 98% of the time.. but i don't mind it sometimes.. i like the solitude.. i just don't like that when someone talks to me its like a foreign language.. i don't comprehend anything.. i just smile and nod and say the occasional wow thats crazy..

I've also noticed i am a very inappropriate laugher..hahaha i laugh at the worst times but i just cant help it its so humorous to me

just venting any response to this would be very helpful i need all the help i can get right now..
pdocs just dont ever listen..

you know something i really love
when someone says hey girl you know i love ya if you ever need someone to talk to im always here
yet when you finally get the courage to open your mouth and it all just starts flowing out they walk away
you confront them
they say im sorry dear but that was a lot to take in
or
i cant handle that kind of convo right now
hahaha
my response
HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL? TO MUCH FOR YOU??? THIS IS ALL I THINK ABOUT! DREAM ABOUT EATDRINK BREATH ABOUT!!!

[Jshect]

You might want to try some antimania drugs. Soltitude can be nice sometime but nothing beats having good friends to talk to. When you talk to people you might want to try not spending a whole lot of time on your own problems until you know them a little better because that can turn people off. Try to find common interests you share with the other person and talk about that and take the time to really listen to the other persons thoughts, nothing is worse for the listener than a one-way conversation.
If your hallucinating that is not a good thing. Find a really good psychiatrist ( you may have to try a few out until you meet one you connect with, I went through 4 before I found one I really like) and try some antipsychotics and anticonvulsants. I've had reasonable success with my antimania drugs I just haven't gotten rid of the depression.
Know that you are not alone. Around 3% of the population( millions of people) have had issues with bipolar. My main problem is the depression. I rather enjoy the hypomania I get, unless it keeps me up till 5 in the morning when I have to be up at 8 am.
Do you also suffer from bad depression when your not manic?

[Jshect]

I don't mean to sound like I'm lecturing you on conversation skills. I have just had a couple people who were in my life for a while, who only talked about what they wanted to talk about, wouldn't listen when I tried to change the topic, and would continue to talk about their interests and themselves incessantly and I wanted to punch them in their faces at times.
If I sounded like I was lecturing you I am sorry.
I read some of your other posts about your trouble with pdocs and counselors. You really do have to search around, don't just stick with the first ones that come along if you don't like them. I mean it seems like they let just about anyone be a counselor. I had one counselor who thought we all had past lives and that everything that happens in life is some supernatural sign or something. I've seriously been to around 8 different counselours and 4 Pdocs.

[sugahorse1]

Sounds like you are not on a mood stabiliser, or your current one is not doing its job. As much as most of us enjoy the mania, we realise that it is inevitably followed by a crash. And the crash is a lot more painful, so we'd rather avoid it.

I had a friend that really used to go manic, and i could see that she desperately needed help or to be in the ER on a number of occassions. Real, full-blown mania is scary for the people areound you that really care.

And finding genuine friends...I guess it's never easy, but I think it's even harder when you are bipolar. Hold onto those that really do care and listen; they can one day be your life-saver

[hello9you]

see i dont make friends to easily my only friends are my daughter, her dad, and my dad. my three bestest only friends.. i dont befriend women to much haha.. idk what it is but women hate me.. i think its cause i befriend their boyfriends better then them.. not like im trying to hook up with them or anything.. but i guess its just a woman thing (no offence to females i myself am a female fyi)

anyways a lil of topic there

you know to be honest with you guys i never talk.. the social phobia thing.. i cant even order my own food through a drive through i start freaking out gets hard to breath everything goes into slowmo start getting dizzy till i finally just snap in an anger fitz
haha thats pretty sad reading this over.. I'm pretty pitiful at times

i just recently got mew insurance set an appt for the 1 of Feb. the lady i used to see doesn't work there anymore.. when they told me that on the phone i think i got a lil to exited haha she never listened to me put me on the same medication over and over even though every time it landed me in the hospital now I'm stuck paying all those narlly bills.. but she just insisted even though i told her the med that i used to take early on and asked to get back on those in particular.. the only reason i stopped taking them was because i found out i was pregnant..

I dont think im depressed but everyone else (docs in general) keep telling me im depressed. that alone is what depresses me.. when enough people are all on your case shoving info about depression down your throat you cant help to sit there and smile.. later on when i actually think about it.. it depresses me that no one will believe that in not depressed im angry there is a difference its like the moment they hear about my past its an automatic assumption " whelp problem solved shes depressed" or "wow I'm surprised your still alive I, myself, would've killed myself long ago" that ones my personal favorate to hear from a pdoc.. thats when you know its time to leave and find a new doc.. preferably one who isn't so negative..

i need positive people who will actually listen to what i have to say not just hear my past and automatically assume things.. assumptions really bother me.. just keep that guessing stuff to yourself till you base it facts..

alright I'm done rambling for now..

btw - thank you to those of you who replied =]
very much appreciated

[wing]

I think it is a necessary part of managing bipolar to listen to what others are saying about our behavior. Mania and depression sneak up on us, and we need trusted friends and family to help us recognize the symptoms. We sometimes have to admit they're right and see the dr for med adjustments.

[hello9you]

yea but thats the thing my family doesn't think I'm depressed they all think i need some kind of anger management
but every pdoc or councilor I've ever seen automatically dx me with depression and ptsd just from my history i don't even have to say a word to them..
the ptsd i understand but I'm not depressed
yea i have my low days like once every month or two who doesn't? but the rest of the time I'm classified as manic or delusional

[Jshect]

Originally Posted by hello9you

yea but thats the thing my family doesn't think I'm depressed they all think i need some kind of anger management
but every pdoc or councilor I've ever seen automatically dx me with depression and ptsd just from my history i don't even have to say a word to them..
the ptsd i understand but I'm not depressed
yea i have my low days like once every month or two who doesn't? but the rest of the time I'm classified as manic or delusional

Wow I've never heard of bipolar without the depression. Consider yourself lucky for not having to go through the depression. I'm no expert but if your having hallucinations and you don't experience depression you could have some sort of schizophrenia. My advise would just be to read as much as you can on bipolar and other mental illnesses and talk to as many different experts as possible.

[hello9you]

yea see ive done that like all the time.. but like i said its hard to get someone to actually listen to what i have to say once they hear about my past.
its like the moment they hear about it anything and everything i say is inconclusive to them.. they dont even want to hear what I have to say
this really sucks.. its like nothing i do or say even matters..
ive seen many and i mean many different docs.. been in several different programs a few different residentails and they all do the same thing i telll them what Im suffering with they listen and their dx is pretty good then they start reading into my past then it all changes.. idk what to do about it anymore..