Being held to normal standards even though you are not normal

I don't want everyone to know I have BP, but I do wish that we could be given a break sometimes and not judged like normal people or set to such high standards. I don't know how to put it into words. I don't want to be treated "special" but just wish sometimes bosses, family, friends would give me some grace.
Ex. I've been OCDing over a job offer letter that should be coming but has not and it is really stressing me out and probably would a normal person. But I said to my Dad that it may not be God's Will for me to get this job or perhaps something has gone wrong... he yelled at me and said that I was having a distortion of reality. I just wish sometimes they could be gentle and realize that yes, maybe I am, but I can't help it, believe me it is hell and I wish I could see it the way a normal person may see it.

I am also expected to keep climbing the corporate ladder and everything that comes with that.....I have come to the realization that I may not become a VP, maybe I will, but just hard to have such high expectations when you battle an illness that makes these high goals even harder to achieve.

I don't want people to try to understand why I am acting a certain way or thinking differently, I just want them to be understanding. But it is hard when you live in a World where you have a secret and you are in a "normal" job, living the "normal" life and yet you are not "normal," but you are expected and judged as if you were.

Anyone experience this?

Yup. I've disclosed very selectively and never in work situations. I've always managed, but just barely at many times. Useless, but dragged my butt in anyway, out of sheer mortification of having to explain myself. It is very hard. Sometimes I wonder if maybe this is not the right way to go, but having (until just recently) always lived in small towns, the judgement, misconceptions and gossip would be too much for me to bear. My support system has always been extremely minimal at best, so I'd just be flapping in the breeze and have no illusions about that. (I've never worked a place that had an HR, (or long ago and didn't know what that was) only places that are very small and exempt from many laws, so...)

Welcome to the forums, btw, clg311! I hope you find this a supportive and safe place to share your experiences.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

i have found the Americans with Disabilities Act to be very helpful in leveraging some "accomodations for disablility related functional impairments". some people of course have no respect for the law when it conflicts with their personal biases,, but others really seem to open their minds to the idea that you are seeking protection of your civil rights. if you want assistance in writing a letter under the provisions of the ADA, please feel free to send me a Private message here on PC,, and i would be glad to help.... best wishes,, Gus

Clg331, Welcome to the site! This is a wonderful place with very supportive people, very caring, I hope you like it here, nice to have you on board!! Also thank you for your post, its a huge help to me, esp the line where you said you dont want people to try to understand why your acting or thinking a certain way , you just want people to be understanding, It gave me a whole lot to think about, i learn something new every day on here, so i thank you, its so helpful , very much appreciated!

I know what its like. I am ADD combined type but most people only get a vague notion of me being 'different' but they can never pin it down unless they are neurodiverse themselves.

Every day feels like its three days to a normal person. Nobody suspects that everything is so much harder for me, not even those who I have told about it. Its the same with your bipolar, if they can't see it from the outside its not there to them.

I take it your father is a Sensor type person? That is the kind of reaction to be expected.

I have been pondering this question and have also spoken to my T about it. I haven't told any bosses at work - only a few friends and my closest colleague.
Yes, I have days where I really battle - but I guess that's when we are expected to take a day's sick leave; not that I have.

I am too scared to disclose and have it blow up in my face.

Welcome CLG. I have disclosed about my illness at work and certainly this is a decision a person shouldn't take lightly. There are pros and cons of it, but in doing this I can say the only people that truly understand it is one of my friends/co-workers who has been diagnosed with depression and another co-worker that has bipolar. What I would like from friends/family would be some empathy, but in all honesty that's in short supply.

I don't get any extra slack at work and I don't think I would want to be treated any differently. I may have bipolar, but I'm an excellent employee and an asset to my organization.

As far as climbing the corporate ladder I'm at peace with not striving for that anymore. This isn't to say a person with BP doesn't excel in high profile/stressful careers, I actually think it's the opposite and there are many persons with BP that are entrepreneurs, lawyers, doctors etc. but for me it's more important to have work/life balance. I also really like the career I have now (I'm an Inspector with the Gaming and Liquor Commission) and it's a good fit for me.

Thanks to everyone for your replies as they all were helpful and encouraging. I am really glad to have joined as it is comforting to be able to share and learn from others with my illness.

I have told my boss, but he doesn't think that my bipolar has much to do with my breakdowns. It sucks because I don't think he really understands it much. I hide my feelings alot around work, but my husband is very understanding and knows when I am going through a rough patch. I think you just have to be very selective with who you tell. It's hard, though....trust me. I have a really cool boss, but he still has a hard time understanding.

I feel the same way at work. At our eval we are supposed to come up with some goals that we will work on in the next year. I just don't feel like I have the mental strenght it takes to do that. It takes so much energy
to deal with your emotions, all the meds you have to take and just doing your job because they want %110. My manager knows I have BP but keeps things to herself but still expects me to work as well and as hard as everyone. She has suggested that I could take a leave of absence. It's very tempting. But for now I think I am doing ok. Been slowing down a bit because my depression has returned. I started on a new med yesterday and hope that helps perk me up again.
No you are not alone. It's so good to have this site to talk to others about things the average person has no clue about.

I'm pretty open about it with friends, mostly because they ask about why I take pills and I feel comfortable telling them. I don't really tell professors often though (I've only told one or 2 because of circumstance) because I don't know how they would respond or what they would think about me. My biggest fear is that they would be one of those people that don't believe in mental illness (BS!) and that they would see it as "weakness"

I completely understand what you mean! When I was depressed last year I failed a class and now that I'm applying to study abroad programs and summer jobs I have to explain the circumstances. It ruined my GPA and now I have to explain that I was really suffering and that I am quite stable now. It's annoying because the professor of the class actually knew that I was struggling (and didn't judge me for it - said he struggled with depression) but he didn't cut me any sort of slack whatsoever!

It's hard to get my friends to understand how I felt (and sometimes feel even on the right meds), particularly because I'm pretty good at hiding when I'm really hurting. What annoys me the most is when one of my good friends trivializes it. She says "Oh, you didn't seem depressed last year. So-and-so seems more depressed than you". Just because I didn't seem depressed doesn't mean I wasn't depressed I failed a freaking class! I had an A- GPA in high school and proceeded to drop to a C- average when I became depressed last year! Obviously something was wrong!

Sorry for ranting! Definitely a sore spot for me.

I don't see what's so off the wall about your thought. Both things are possible, and your consideration sounds like something that a normal person might think especially as a way to let go of some of the stress. I think that the Christian practice of "putting it in God's hands" is a culturally sanctioned way of way of removing stress that we can't really do anything about.

There are two things that bother me about the above, though. First, you say that you are OCDing over a job offer letter - but you also aware that it would stress out a normal person. I don't know exactly what you mean by OCDing, so I don't want to minimize what you are actually going through - but I also hope that you do not unduely attach an non-vanilla feeling to a disorder. -hold that thought a moment, and I will explain better after I explain the other thing that bothers me.

The other thing that bothers me is your Dad calling it a distortion of reality. Again, I don't know the exact way in which your interaction happened, so I may have missed some of the meaning - but I have experienced "crazy labels" being slapped on me for normal behaviors, and I have experienced that some people, upon learning that I have a diagnosis, start slapping crazy labels on me for normal behaviors or normal reactions even more often. I slid down a lot when they said those things to me enough that I started believing them.

A diagnosis can do some good things, but labeling can also do some harm, especially when we start labeling ourselves. We can lose ourselves in the labels, and minimize the experience itself or even not even acknowledge it as a normal experience.

I hear you trying to be realistic about your life, and that is good. Don't psyc yourself out, of course, and if the letter really should be coming, it probably will, but not being a VP wouldn't be the end of the world (and not just because of any disorder either - most people never get to be a VP and they end up just fine).

Who is expecting this of you? Parents often put high goals in their children's minds to motivate them, which is admirable I suppose, and we do generally want to make something great out of ourselves so their goals can feel like our own, so their goals can feel like our goals. This can make it hard for us to differentiate between a "high goal" and a happy goal - and because we made that earlier prejudice that some goals are high goals so other goals would be low goals, or somehow less important, we might be deprived of some of the happiness that our happiest destination could give us, if we even figure out what that is.

What do you mean that you are expected and judged as if you were normal? It sounds to me like you are expected to be superman/wonder woman and judged as if you should be. I've read and heard that bipolar is caused by heavy stress. Being overpushed may have caused your disorder, or at least contributed to it. Again, I don't know you or your situation well enough to say for sure, but I wonder if in fact you might actually wish that you were being judged and expected to be normal, rather than superman/wonder woman?

Yes yes yes - you are not alone.
I only disclosed my illness at one job, because I ended up being hospitalized and had to - luckily i had a great and understanding boss, and actually worked for the company that makes topamax, risperdal and haldol, so they were pretty big and tolerant.

In my job now I am so stressed, and have started crying at work, panic attacks and am at the point where I feel like i am going to really lose it at some point. My boss is a ******, not a good manager, but I would never tell her about my illness - i don't trust her or anyone in this office. I'm trying really hard to get a job with a little less stress and hopefully a better manager. i used to think I was going to keep climbing the ladder too, but some kind of sanity is better than the big title and the big responsibility.

My husband doesn't understand it either - he gets mad like your dad - he doesn't understand why i get so stressed out, why I get upset, depressed, whatever....he prefers to think of me as normal. i wish I was, but i'm not. that's why i come on this site, and talk to my therapist and my friends who do know.

You are not alone.

Yes, I can definitely relate. I am usually very depressed and lethargic at work (which is why I have to settle for crappy, low paying jobs which is very frustrating). People will sometimes mistake my depression full stupidity and dullness. I feel like telling them, look it's just depression, but I would rather they think I am stupid than crazy. Most people simply do not understand mental illness.