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#1
Mar 24, 2011, 02:40 AM
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ok...so..i was extremely hypo-manic witch was wonderful..well... for school, i was compleating assignments left and right...early...focused...getting amazing marks.Went off meds for like the 50th time....stopped everything, i quit reading what i was supposed to...doing half assed assignments the night before they were due...The day of my mid-term i couldnt evem look at the questions..i couldnt focus...it took every ounce of me not to just rip up the paper...and leave..i was that frusterated...and i felt desperate...i cheated...i feel really guilty...like...terrible...not only that but i feel so stupid...i got a bad mark on top of all of it..because there were some questions i couldnt copy off my neighbour i just randomly chose....i dont know what to do..i know it sounds really stupid...but i've been having alot of suicidal thoughts....and..i mean..i feel even more stupid because of it...i mean...who does that..who gets so upset over something that doesnt even matter...and who's mind goes to such extreams like that...my mind knows it's stupid..it's...stupid...I'm stupid...I'm unsure. I just started taking my medication again today...and here i am at 1:30am...wide awake...and i know it..i just know it...I'm going to go hypo manic all over again..no more sleep..no more feeling....just numb....but productive...also...I've gained about 50 pounds on this medication...and to tell you the truth...i don't even know which is worse.....suicidal/unmotivated/my pants fit/i have to cheat to pass or fat/no sleep/numb/snapping at everyone/no feelings/racing thoughts....it's a really ****** choice...and i hate that i have to make it.
To save yall the trouble..i already know all the crap "talk to your doctor, change meds if your not happy with side effects etc." I have an appointment on Monday...but..until then i just feel really ******....i dunno..anyone else ever cheat on a test because they couldn't..function?
__________________
 "Love is patient; love is kind; love is not boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things". I Corinthians 13: 4-7
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 Yoda
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#2
Mar 24, 2011, 02:45 AM
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nope never cheated, but walked out of my exams, wrote smart *** remarks instead of answers on them.
It sux, i wont give u all that advice that you dont need But i hope u figure out an answer that suits u. Stay on the meds hey? The coming off/going back on only makes it harder. |
| Ryask
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#3
Mar 24, 2011, 02:51 AM
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Quote:
__________________
"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things". I Corinthians 13: 4-7
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#4
Mar 24, 2011, 03:10 AM
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Have you really accepted your diagnosis?
I spent the first two years of mine denying that I had bipolar so every time I was starting to feel better, I would stop taking my meds and something like this would happen to me. Maybe coming to terms with what having bipolar means, and recognizing what it affects in your life will help? I knew I had bipolar, but more of me spent a lot of time denying it. When I finally started to come to terms, I got really depressed because it was like I was grieving for a part of me that I'd eliminate by adhering to medication and therapy. Also, I spent a lot of time crying over the fact that I had an impulse to drop my meds but I knew I had to stay on it if I wanted recover. I was like this for 3 weeks (hurt my grades HAHAHAHA) but it did get better. It also helps if you have a friend who has seen you through rough times. When you make the decision that you don't want to take your medication you can ask a friend, "Can I stop taking my meds?" You can tell them to answer with a story that relates to what happened before that, like, "You spent a week crying every night the last time you stopped!" They act as accountability partner. |
| Ryask
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#5
Mar 24, 2011, 03:14 AM
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hey dont worry, i too struggle with meds, i avoid them when i can but when depression (the really nasty kind) strikes i always go crawling back.
So im no perfect poster child for the cause either. But hey doling out the advice is the easy part, taking your own advice? well lets just say it can be a bitter pill to swallow. All the same: stay on those meds. |
| Ryask
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#6
Mar 24, 2011, 10:07 AM
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I would so love to go off my meds now that I feel somewhat better and want to lose the weight that I gained. SOmewhwer in my mind I think that I would be OK, that I don't have bipolar and that I just was going through a hard time in my life. I am afraid to stop the meds myself because I have heard of the bad effects that it would cause, but I really would love to get permission from my p-doc.
As for cheating, I never did it in college, but I did write a bunch of BS exams sometimes. I was very inconsistent, but fortunately the major I chose, was often very subjective so as long as I supported my BS with facts, I did OK. That was years ago, undiagnosed and unmedicated. I have no point really, but I think that it is normal to want to stop the meds and be disappointed with the results. |
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