[SunReach]

What's the best way of dealing with this?? I've never had such an intense cycle before and more and more things seem to become triggers, including my mum's reaction to whatever I'm doing - but I won't ***** about this because it will only make me more frustrated. But my head is very likely to explode any minute now.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

[yagalada]

its rough. is there anyone you can spend some time with, that would understand? would video games help? for me, my solution was to run to the ER.

[SunReach]

Ahh, very few people, but I will try my luck with a friend tomorrow. I didn't think of video games! Maybe Mortal Combat VS DC Universe is a good one. Kick kick kick. Thanks for the suggestion!
I also considered the ER if it gets too bad. I keep having this ridiculous urge of jumping into the river - not killing myself - just jumping into the river, it has become a thing over the past few weeks that comes and goes. Two days till I see my pdoc. Two days. I can make it. But I probably should ask my mum to take me to my friend and come get me - the river is only 5 minutes away and maybe I should actually be scared of what my own brain might do regardless of what I think it would never do. Uuuuuuughhhhhh

[mgran]

Video game might actually help, it encourages you to obsess about something else other than jumping in the river. Anything that could help you focus away from your troubled thoughts is a good thing... and you're hearing this from someone who HATES video games! But I know they do serve a positive purpose, as an outlet for anxiety.

[CesarioRose]

Ah, rapid cycling. it's a curse, and a blessing, i tells ya. depending how long each episode lasts.

yea. video games help because it lets you obsess over something not harmful! Also, you need to stick around people; trusted loved ones preferably, but I have found my self wondering into a random coffee shop when like this, and ending up okay after a bit. Trust me. You don't even have to say a thing! Just order some tea, grab mr. book, and let time slip by.

[SunReach]

Thanks everyone....I don't even know when I go from one state to the other now, it all seems like a dragging, highly irritable mood in which energy levels is the main thing that fluctuates...But I just got fable II second hand!! When my flatmate is done with the xbox for the day it will be my turn. HE HE HE.
And I managed to refrain from telling my mum that I regret her visiting, so I just have to keep myself distracted..
Wait for the positive update, it has to come any time next week...