i miss being depressed

i seemed to appreciate the small things a lot more.

i'm wondering if its worth accepting the shedding of tears and learning to manage my mood and suicidal thoughts off of medication

though i have been hospitalized for suicide attempts and manic episodes so i don't know if its worth the risk. then again "you only live once"

i hate when this happens lol

Are you feeling better or just different? Perhaps you need an adjustment in your medication. But I wouldn't do anything without talking to your doctor or T first.

I hope you are OK.

I agree with you some days - Sometimes I just miss "The emotional feelings" good or bad. Somedays I just feel like screaming my lungs out- but "being stable" says that will do you no good.....

I do not.
My deperessions are not emotional. Far from that, they more like exhaustion, asocial, dark, blunted thoughts and emotions.
That makes choosing easy.

How much do you (or your loved ones) expect to gain or lose?

I used to flip a coin when unable to decide. If the result was ok, that was fine, if not, I knew the alternative was the better one.

I hate depression. It's too dark for me, and too dangerous.
At the same time, my meds seem to make me too numb as well.
Can't win them all

The blues are ok, when you have sensitivity and can still relate to people around you. But when we can't even think or move, it is totally crippling and a no good place to be.

I admit I do enjoy some of the downs. More than feeling numb and dead inside... and when I make myself channel it... it brings fruit. I am apparently funnier and more entertaiming when in mild depression than when manicky.

I've been pondering about your thread chainsawbutterfly... Vita describes something often similar to my experience --in depressions not usually being emotional. This tendency increased as I got older.

I certainly don't appreciate the small things in either of my true depressive modes. They either seriously pain me when in the emotional mode or I don't feel or even perceive them by the time I get to where I just don't feel anything at all. (This is a hard one to explain, because it's not described well by the word 'numb'. I know this because I've been numb too, and this is not the same. So this is how I try to describe: Imagine looking at a roll of paper towels. Everything is that way to me.)

When I am mildly depressed (and I hesitant to even use the word depressed, as, though this is what far more people --even non BPs--can relate to, it is sooooo the tip of the iceberg that there really should be different words. How to describe? Imagine if pleased and ecstatic were limited to one word to express(!)) I can appreciate small things, but as I can also experience those when neutral or up, "missing them" wouldn't apply.

Agree with what vita and innerzone have described....
My depression is not something I would wish on anyone.... pain and absence of all good things... in essence hell on earth
On my drugs I am not numb, I feel, good and bad, it just doesn't get out of control. The only time I felt numb was when I was still mildly depressed while on meds...

Sometimes I enjoy being depressed, because everything is so much deeper... The experience is so strong that it makes me feel more alive sometimes. I see life with different eyes and this allows me to gain more insight, but the problem is that it frequently becomes something that blinds me afterwards...

I do not enjoy being depressed, cuz its the worst thing I know. But I miss crying a lot, i just want to let my feelings go but the meds are trapping them inside..Thats the price i have to pay I guess for being bipolar..

You can take my depression, if you want it.