[BNLsMOM]

I have one son who is growing up a little and I feel sad about all the childish things he is starting to give up. I have another child who is on an "I don't like you" kick that is directed at me, he is also becoming more of a boy rather than a toddler. I feel like I am slowly losing my kids. I know the relationship changes over the years, but I am starting to feel them pull away and I don't like it.

[Anneinside]

I know this is going to feel like I am downplaying your feelings of loss, but be glad you have the kids, no matter how much a part you play in their lives. My only child, Serena, died when she was 16. How I would love to have an independent child who would call me on Mother's Day to say hello.

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

I have one son who is growing up a little and I feel sad about all the childish things he is starting to give up. I have another child who is on an "I don't like you" kick that is directed at me, he is also becoming more of a boy rather than a toddler. I feel like I am slowly losing my kids. I know the relationship changes over the years, but I am starting to feel them pull away and I don't like it.

BNLsMOM! Speaking as mother of an 18 year old... it waxes and wanes. Mother's Day used to break my heart when he was little. (And I'm not even a 'mothering' sort or one to lament him growing up--weird perhaps, but there ya have it!) One thing that helped... a realization that hit, and I hope it helps you too, is... it is that its so easy to get caught up on the expectations of a certain day on the calendar. Great moments simply aren't on such a schedule. They can happen at the most unlikely times.
Lots of to you, BNLsMOM!!!

[BNLsMOM]

I didn't mean to sound ungrateful or that it was about a day on the calendar. I think I am just feeling a little grief for what I had for so many years with my oldest and for what I can't seem to build with my youngest.

I love those two with all my heart and I think that's why I am hurting about it so much.

BNLsMOM!!!

[mgran]

Originally Posted by Anneinside

I know this is going to feel like I am downplaying your feelings of loss, but be glad you have the kids, no matter how much a part you play in their lives. My only child, Serena, died when she was 16. How I would love to have an independent child who would call me on Mother's Day to say hello.

Oh Annie, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how you can function after losing your only child. It must hurt so much.

BNL'sMom, I understand how you're feeling, but I think it's a natural progression, and you'll come to terms with it in the end. My son is aspie, and his deeply affectionate nature has always been masked by a difficulty in expressing his emotions. But I know he's full of love, and is pushing beyond his boundaries. Perhaps your younger son just doesn't express his feelings.

Yesterday my son went into the shop and cancelled his beano (a comic magazine for boys in the UK.) That was a "growing up" moment. And we've got rid of the children's channels on our tv package.

Your kids will always be your kids. Relax, and they will come back to you. For years I held my Dad at a distance, and he waited painfully and patiently. We're friends again, and I know we'll always love each other, despite our difference, and even similarities. Trust your kids. They'll come back.