My mind is definitely getting the better of me. Sorry, just have to rant/get it off my chest, and don't know where else to do it. Woke up at 4 am. Was having a dream inside a dream, neither of them "dreamy", though neither did either seem related to recent stressors. One part was that there was this woman there, and I was really in her face --not screaming or physical, just very threateningly forceful in tone, posture and movement. Was demanding she tell me how she was related to all this (middle of the night extortion - which I made very clear was not going to happen.). Her answers were gibberish and taunting, which PO'd me all the more. Then woke up.

Immediately after waking, started stressing (that happens nearly always) over all the things I've been freaked out over recently (not the dream). (To those not aware, I've been going through enormous amounts of "life turning upside down" stress lately, after over a year of unrelenting major stressors.) I'm feeling that I just can't get off the edge of the precipice, and it's manifesting itself badly. Have been having a lot of ideations and scenes in my mind... and not the "usual" ones. (I won't, but they're there.) Been very depressed (with very occasional small lifts, thank goodness, but even those are still in the depressive end of the scale). Serious depression almost always results in a lot of sleep for me, but this time, no. The anxiety/ruminations and sheer terror are making sure of that. This combo is very frustrating. I want to sleep and never get up, but then kicks in a freaked out swirling mind with no "off switch", yet so often can't bear to get out of bed.

Anyhow, this morning... get up, taking measures to try to zonk out again. So what happens then? I hear a voice and see someone walking past my window (not at all usual, and certainly not at 4 am), but it was a flash... didn't get a good look, which threw me into doubt what I did or didn't see. Turned small light off, repeatedly alternating between crouching under counter and checking peep hole. And for what? There was nothing to see (at least at that point). Wanted to open the door to assure myself that I actually did see something, that it wasn't just in my mind, but too afraid to. I'd woken up also at 2 am to something (defintely real) that is also disturbing me. It was very likely innocent, but I can't shake the feeling that it wasn't entirely so. Sooo, add in a dash of paranoia (which I've had worse before... it's just I really don't need any in the mix right now!).

TG I have a psych appt. Monday. Should probably just pitch a tent there.

I just want it all to go away.

[Warrioress]

WOW! That was a long post. You were under a lot of pressure, weren't you? I'm sorry there's been so many unpleasant things going on. Monday is very near though and hopefullyitwill all go away soon enough. Take care

[blueoctober]

Innerzone, I hope you have a better sleep tonight. I get those visions too went I'm not well and it's very disturbing. Sending you peaceful vibes

[SpiritRunner]

I relate to your post title.......I feel like I need a vacation from my stupid brain too!
I hope tonight is better for you, too.....

[BNLsMOM]

I hope tonight is a better night for you and that your appointment goes well tomorrow.