Just came home from my trip, which was totally fun, dealing with severe mania and psychosis and a family reunion of in-laws. I think I did pretty good considering. Although it was really hard to try and hold it together.

However, I get home and feeling like a blimp, go straight to the scale. OMG, no OMFG (sorry) uggh. I've been having problems with the anorexia lately but geez. 15 lbs in one month. Yikes, thats a massive weight gain for me. These stupid meds, I am so angry.

I'm pretty much ready to call it quits. My mood is still way outta control any how, so is there a real point to going through all this???

I got home tonight, did all the laundry, unpacked all our stuff. did the dishes floors ect. even tho was pretty clean here, and I recovered a bit of furniture my mom had brought here, I am buzzing like a bee, very scattered tho, and I had taken my meds. So really I think I'm thinking I'm done. I cant handle the weight gain. My clothes don't fit, just uggggh I'm gonna have a tantrum, or I just did. Done with these anti psychotics!!!

Thanks for the rant, I really feel like umm ranting tonight,

xox thanks, Anika

[BlackPup]

Weight gain sucks... can you talk to your pdoc about changing meds.
I'm currently struggling to lose the 15kg of weight I gained on Lithium... join us on the BP social society weight loss and healthy living thread

Thanks BlackPup, I think maybe I will join you's.

Right now I am just thinking of all the unhealthy way to loose the weight. All I am thinking is restrict restrict and how can I fit in 14 exercise sessions a week, and stop taking my meds pronto. I know that's not a healthy attitude. And I know right now I am supposed to be "working" on the anorexia.

I'm going to join you on the thread, I have read it a few times. But didn't know how to join.

I am really frustrated tonight. I took my lithium, took my zyprexa 15 mg and took 30 mg of oxazepam and I am still awake and it's almost 5 am. In the morning I'll take another 15 mg of zyprexa and continue to buzz and flit and scatter my way through the day. Making sure not to get in the way of any little people ( my new only I can see not friendly friends). Tonight I had the pleasure of white figures walking in the path behind my yard.

I'm really tired of fighting this round. I really don't understand why the meds are not helping. I'm so bored. What can I do at 5am when I've already done everything? I feel chatty and everyone is asleep. Shhhhiziiiiiz...

I have been smoking more too, and I ran our and I don't think the gas station is open at 5 ughh ridiculouso >.<

[dragonfly2]

Oh gosh...I hadn't realized you were on zyprexa, or for some reason it didn't register. Zyprexa is the worst of the worst as far as weight gain goes. There must be something else you can try. I don't remember if you've mentioned trying other antipsychotics before. Hang in there as best you can. I hope you can reach your pdoc soon.

[BlackPup]

sorry your meds are not working properly... hope you can get it sorted soon...
I think BP social society is an open group now so you should just be able to join it and then post....

[kaliope]

u definately have to advocate for yourself with your pdoc. if you have issues with anorexia, putting you on weight gain drugs, let alone two of them, is the dumbest thing they could do. how can they expect to treat a disorder by triggering a disorder. there are plenty of antipsychotics out there that dont cause weight gain. and if the ones you are on arent working there is no reason to stay on them. dont let them try and convince you to stay on them longer, the simple fact that they create so much distress for you is enough reason to get off of them. remember, you are your best advocate. stand up for yourself.

Thanks for the support.

Dragonfly,
yes zyprexa uggh. I was on seroquel then switched to this, but I gained with the seroquel too. I tried risperidone before and had the same weight gain and same lack of results.

I did talk to my pdoc about the weight gain and he is the one that sent me to get treatment for anorexia. He seems to think it's not such a bad thing as he thinks I could use the extra weight. He's looking at it from a health perspective I suppose. He tried to calm me, telling me the massive weight gains on zyprexa I read about online are only extreme cases, haha I beg to differ.

Tempted to just go off the zyprexa and maybe take it at the moment if I get extreme agitation, like my marathon pacing. I know this isn't as directed, and I don't even know if this would work , but nothing seems to be working anyhow. Anyone ever try this?

Hoping for sleep tonight, really don't feel up to another 72 hour day. And this is stupid, any of you ever have your cell keep making noises, only to keep checking everywhere on it only to find it's not actually making noises, ya fun Let's hear it for psychosis, guess I'll just be thankful I don't think my cell is being intercepted at the moment. Ugh gonna be a long night.

P.S. the gas station doesn't open till 6 am. Showing up at 5:30 am and looking at the clerk inside while reading the hours on the door, pacing around the block for a half hour and coming back at 6 for smokes, doesn't make you look weird at all.

also , are any of you having a whole lot of psychosis? I am just sitting here thinking this is quite a bit, it's always been a problem for me, and one I haven't exactly been comfortable or open to talking about much till recently.

Everything I read say only in manic or depressive episodes, but it just isn't so, is that the case for any of you? I know not everything is by the books all the time right?

Geeez , I need to look at what I type,

Regarding my post above, I did NOT mean a rollseyes at the Thanks for the support, uggh I did mean it sincerely.

Thank you for all the support.

[BlackPup]

If you are having pycotic symptoms all the times maybe you should check with your pdoc... doesn't sound right to me... maybe you need different drugs.

I've been experiencing psychosis since I was about 10 or 11 years old. On and off, not constant, just doesn't only happen when I am manic or depressed tho. That's what I'm confused about. Sometimes the antipsychotics help and sometimes they don't.

[Secretum]

I hope that you find meds that control your symptoms with minimal side effects soon. The weight gain would frustrate anyone, let alone someone who struggles with an ED. Please don't do anything too dramatic to lose the weight...your health (and indeed your life) are not worth risking. As you probably know, anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness. You are beautiful and strong for fighting it, so keep fighting!!

As for the psychosis...have you looked into schizoaffective disorder? Perhaps that is your true diagnosis. Also, are you sure that you are not in a mood episode when you experience the psychosis? When I was 12, I had some beliefs that in retrospect seem rather delusional. (I thought that my dad was being held hostage in our basement and had been replaced by a sophisticated robot; I thought that God wanted me to run away from home to make up for a terrible thing I thought I had done; I thought that I could talk to animals; I won't go on, but luckily I haven't experienced anything quite so intense since) Now, I realize that I probably was experiencing my first taste of depression. Or I was just really imaginative...