[zbmom]

I think the topamax is causing insomnia. I'm so tired all the time but I can't sleep. I'm definitely not in a hypomanic state, the depression is awful. I told my therapist today about how I just am having a hard time and the suicidal thoughts are making me feel guilty and afraid because I have my son and husband and so many responsibilities. I promised her I'd stay safe until I see her Friday and I know I will but I'm so exhausted and I just want to sleep. Has anyone had this problem with meds? Not being able to sleep? I have to work tomorrow and Thursday. If I have another 2 nights like this I may need to go inpatient over the weekend. This is all so new to me. I think my husband is finally starting to understand how serious this whole situation is and how bad my depression is getting. My therapist wants me to bring him to my session on Friday so he can be on board with helping me stay safe. I'm supposed to finally see a psychiatrist on Tuesday (been waiting almost 2 months) but right now just getting to Friday seems tenuous so I guess I'll have to do what I need to. Depression + no sleep = me making very bad decisions.

I don't know what the point of my post is I just really needed to vent somewhere. I hate this illness. I'm frustrated with myself. I'm tired, sad, angry, and I feel guilty stressing out my husband, and being "checked out" most of the time with my son. I'm barely managing to keep up the charade at work which is very emotionally draining. I don't know how I'm going to get through 2 more nights but I've got a huge caseload and an important meeting Friday morning and I somehow just have to. FML (as in things suck, not I'm giving up).

[astone131]

I hope you will stay safe. My new sleeping meds arent working either so I sleep maybe a couple hours and then Im up all night. Have you looked up your med online to see if insomnia is a side effect? Please stay safe if you need to talk im on all the time so just find me.

[zbmom]

Well I called my therapist this morning and she said I should call my doctor because not sleeping could lead to lots of nasty things. So the doc prescribed me Ambien to take with the topamax. I hope it works. I hope the psychiatrist on tuesday can set me up with a combo of meds that does something for the depression and balances everything out. Feeling this way is awful.

[redtape]

Originally Posted by zbmom

I think the topamax is causing insomnia. I'm so tired all the time but I can't sleep. I'm definitely not in a hypomanic state, the depression is awful. I told my therapist today about how I just am having a hard time and the suicidal thoughts are making me feel guilty and afraid because I have my son and husband and so many responsibilities. I promised her I'd stay safe until I see her Friday and I know I will but I'm so exhausted and I just want to sleep. Has anyone had this problem with meds? Not being able to sleep? I have to work tomorrow and Thursday. If I have another 2 nights like this I may need to go inpatient over the weekend. This is all so new to me. I think my husband is finally starting to understand how serious this whole situation is and how bad my depression is getting. My therapist wants me to bring him to my session on Friday so he can be on board with helping me stay safe. I'm supposed to finally see a psychiatrist on Tuesday (been waiting almost 2 months) but right now just getting to Friday seems tenuous so I guess I'll have to do what I need to. Depression + no sleep = me making very bad decisions.

I don't know what the point of my post is I just really needed to vent somewhere. I hate this illness. I'm frustrated with myself. I'm tired, sad, angry, and I feel guilty stressing out my husband, and being "checked out" most of the time with my son. I'm barely managing to keep up the charade at work which is very emotionally draining. I don't know how I'm going to get through 2 more nights but I've got a huge caseload and an important meeting Friday morning and I somehow just have to. FML (as in things suck, not I'm giving up).

I absolutely know how you feel! I am dealing with the same thing. Mine started when I had to go off Klonopin. So meds definately play a role. DepressionHope you find some relief soo. I think after your sleep gets better so will your other symptoms.

Wiishing You Well

[redtape]

I absolutely know how you feel! I am dealing with the same thing. Mine started when I had to go off Klonopin. So meds definately play a role. Lack of sleep will also not make depression or anxiety any better. Hope you find some relief soon.

Wishing You Well

[madisgram]

welcome to pc, zb.
so i'm correct that your regular doc prescribed the topamax? i get a little scared when i hear GPs doing this. they are not specialized to tiddle/mess with these meds.
yes, in time or soon you will find the best meds for you prescribed by your psychiatrist. hang in there. it will get so much better. you may have to be on something for awhile to see if you respond well with new meds. don't give up!
i had a negative reaction to topamax. it made me so antsy i couldn't sit still. it's a side effect for some people. i called the hospital and spoke with a doctor there. i asked him if i could just cold turkey stop it. he said yes. i did. took about 5 days to finally feel ok again. you'd need to call the doc who prescribed it and perhaps ask the same question. i believe you don't respond well to topamax either tho i'm no doc.
as for hating your bipolar i did too at first. once i got on the right meds i'm balanced and content/21 yrs. i tended to be depressed too. lexapro works for me with that part of bipolar. just remember tho we all find our own effective meds. what's good for some doesn't work for others.

[aeylania]

I hope you are feeling better. I've suffered with insomnia, but usually it leads to me crashing and sleeping once whatever kept me up goes away. Its awful. I understand what you mean about hating this illness- its tough. I've been diagnosed for two years and they *still* mess with my medication. I've got to hang on until August 2nd and hope that they don't mess with it too much, though my depression is edging into severe, mostly because its constant and I lack the energy to get *anything* done.

With as much as it sounds you have going on, its amazing that you're still going! Just take it a minute at a time, an hour at a time, a day at a time. Soon you'll be to your appointment and hopefully they'll be able to get you on something that will help.

[zbmom]

Thanks everyone, thankfully the ambien seemed to work so I did sleep last night. I had an extra session with my therapist today and I'm still going in tomorrow with my husband so I'm learning that it's Ok to ask for help and that I'm not alone and I don't have to just "suffer through it". I don't know what will happen with the psych or the meds, I have no idea what's coming in the future, but I'm just trying to take it one day at a time right now and breathe. I have the number for the crisis worker if I need help over the weekend and I know my husband wants to try to help me stay safe too. Being able to sleep helps. Looking at my baby helps. Having strangers on this site take a few minutes out of their day to leave me a few kind words helps. Thanks you guys.