[Ryask]

When i was a child we were really really poor, i remember putting macaroni in a play cooking pot and leaving it on the heat register overnight to "cook" it..to have something to eat, alot of times i ate ice, it didnt really have any nutrition but it felt good to eat, full stomach...i dunno...anyways...i'm not starving (FAR FROM IT) and thats the problem, i get really anxious about food, i feel sheer panic when something is running out, especially something i like. If my husband eats the last of something i want to cry, even if i don't want it. I feel like i have to eat all of something even though i am so sick and full, because i don't want to ..not get my fair share i guess...but it's really taking it's toll on my weight. It seems silly to be overweight and be in a panic about starving. I guess i'm looking for a bit of advice, about how to...just stop...or maybe someone else has gone through something similar not sure...

[OneDown]

I have something similar as a result of a childhood where I was 'guilted' by parents/grandprents into eating everything on my plate and taking second or third helpings - "back during the depression, we used to fight over apple cores" and "but don't you like my cooking? Whats wrong with it if you don't want to have more?"

What has been working for me is to actually force myself to leave some food on my plate and then throwe that food away. It makes me feel a little bad about wasting food, but by forcing myself to toss leftovers instead of forcing myself to eat them, I'm slowly learning that its ok to not eat everything on the table.

Hope this helps.

[Ryask]

i have heard of this approach...i didn't give it a fair shake i don't think...i tried really hard to leave it....and managed to throw it away...i then pulled it out of the garbage and gave it to my dog...it's very uncomfortable...maybe i should try again...maybe giving it to the dog isn't so bad either...I'm not really wasting it..and better yet...I'm not eating it..

[SunAngel]

WOW, I am so sorry you went through that and it is affecting you now.

Sounds like a very difficult thing to have to go through. ((((HUGS))))

[Ryask]

You know it may sound strange but i can't tell the difference between hunger and anxiety, they both feel the same sick to my stomach like there is a ball of poison pulsing in my stomach, it makes it very difficult, to have a panic attack...because i am hungry..you know when i write things like this it makes me feel really silly...I'm really glad people on here are so understanding..and supportive i would have never had the confidence to really say this to anyone in real life, i feel like they wouldn't understand..

[SunAngel]

I do remember when I was little, my parents would say to finish everything on your plate because there were starving children in other countries.

What they didn't understand is that when you are little, you do not have a thought or know anything about starving children in other countries. It just doesn't register when you are that young.

My husband, on the other hand, was always told to not finish everything on your plate because you will make yourself sick.

Whenever we go out to eat and I get full really fast, he always says to me to not worry about it and not make myself sick.

So, yeah, it does depend on how you were brought up and I can see how it DOES affect you to this day.

I am still very sorry you had to live like that as a child. It sounds very, very scary.

[OneDown]

Its amazing how much the past, especially childhood, interacts with the present. All we can do about our past is try to not let it shape our future. I hope it works out for you, Ryask. Given your past, its perfectly understandable why the feeling of hunger could trigger a panic attack. Have you considered talking to a therapist and possibly engaging in some CBT to break (or weaken) that relationship? Another thing that might help is to keep a box of granola bars or something in your desk or near by; not to eat, but as a reminder when you get hungry and start to panic that there is food available and you can access it anytime you want. That has also helped me cut down on how much I eat at meal times, knowing that if I get hungry again later, I have the option of eating a quick snack (whereas in the past, that may have triggered a response from my parents/grandparents of "I told you that you should have eaten more at dinner").

I hope this helps, let us know how it goes!

[Ryask]

I have an appointment on Sep. 7th with a new T, maybe i will make a little note of this along with a few other things and when he asks me that akward question like "what do you want to get out of our sessions" i might have an answer this time.

[Perna]

Is it anything you can share with your husband and he might help you with? I was taught to always give the bigger piece of meat to the "man" and remember when I experimented with trying to change that; I deliberately gave my husband the smaller piece one night for dinner, even though there wasn't much difference in size (hamburgers) and it about killed me. I did think it was silly which made it funny for me too; maybe you can see how what you intellectually know is silly is thus, funny? I shared my struggles with my husband and he laughed too at how silly it was and that felt good; he wasn't laughing at ME, he was laughing at having such a problem and we were sharing the problem. That's what happens in good therapy I think and that helps me now, the warm feeling of sharing those two pieces of meat, almost the same size but my perception that one was bigger/better, and my need to give it to my husband rather than myself.

Experiment with your feelings/situations as if they're scientific experiments? She how much you can throw away (without getting it out of the trash :-) and whether, if you go out to eat, you can only eat a "proper" portion and not the huge ones they give you, walk out of the restaurant without a doggy bag or eating it all? Talk to yourself out loud and go to "extremes" in asking yourself questions as in "I have eaten almost this entire bag of potato chips, if I had five bags this size would I try to eat them all? Would it make me feel better?" Recreate your macaroni on the heater childhood experiment and see what you remember/feel?

I worked with a woman whose parents lived with her, she was in her 50's I guess and her parents were previous generation, her father had gone off to WWII and her mother lost touch with reality when he got back. Anyway, she would call her daughter at our work every day and tell her to bring home a carton of milk and would get very distressed if her daughter didn't! The woman said her mother stockpiled all sorts of foods/canned goods too and would get upset if she were "short" of items. They always had too much milk but that didn't seem to make any difference.

I hope your new therapist can help you with this so you feel better.

[zbmom]

I think giving your leftovers to your dog is a good compromise. I hate wasting food too. If you can assure yourself it isn't getting wasted but YOU don't have to eat it all that may help some....

[wing]

I just cook less, so there is less to eat, and nothing to waste, but I don't have a dog. I also "graze" eating lots of little meals through the day to keep hunger pains at bay. I often cannot distinguish between hunger and anxiety. What I do know is that having a full stomach relaxes me. There are better ways to cope with stress and I'm learning...