Diagnosis changed and changed.

I am posting here in the bipolar section partly out of desperation. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder at least twice and then re-diagnosed as not having bipolar disorder by different doctors. The first time that I was diagnosed was by an experienced psychiatrist who had treated me over a period of 6 years. When I had a period of being extremely disturbed, more than he had seen me be over the six years he had known me, he became pretty emphatic that he thought my diagnosis should be bipolar disorder. Then I ended up going through a string of different pdocs. (It's an involved story.)

I got real well for 3 and 1/2 weeks recently and it was pretty marvelous while it lasted, but I didn't get a normal amount of sleep. Then, the bottom dropped out of that, like always. I was less well. Today I have become really less and less well. Extremely anxious and depressed. Years and years of repeated mood alterations have damaged my life and me. For the past 15 years, whatever is wrong with me has become progressively worse. Now I've been out of work for months.

I'm afraid I'm losing my stability and will not be able to cope with things. To have been singing to myself just the other day, hopeful, and now this horror state of mind. I don't have any family around me. Only my next door neighbor has a good idea that I have a big problem.

I don't know what my point is. Does it really matter if doctors make big changes in my diagnosis? Does it really matter what they call it? I started getting treated over 30 years ago. Isn't that a long time for there not to be firmer conclusions? Lately, my strategy has been to keep moving doing anything rather than brood and worry. Does anyone recognize being so afraid of the inside of your own head?

I don't have real mania. Never psychotic mania. For years I stopped getting what I think could have been called hypomania. Then recently that came back and it was far preferable to being depressed. I got a lot done. Maybe I should just concentrate on doing constructive things, or anything I can manage to do if I am not in good shape.

I've been doing a mood journal and sharing it with my pdoc, it helped in my diagnosis. Maybe you could try that, this way you have proof of your moods to show them.

Besides my mood cycling around in a distressing pattern, I did begin to develop behavioral issues some 12 or so years ago, like being out of control and inappropriate, which was not so prominent a feature previously. I think and wonder, what diagnosis do the pdocs give a person for becoming inclined to be a jerk. Forgive my moroseness. What has happened to me has got me beyond despair. I keep thinking I am going to end up homeless.

Rose, I am just going to tell you again that I really honestly think you are suffering from BP2. Go to your pdoc, tell him/her exactly what you said in this post. Tell him that you think you have BP2 and see what he says. Your posts always tell me that you have BP2. People with BP2 get depressed so much more than BP1, but BP1's do experience severe depressions too. If you are having at least one or two hypo phases along with your depressions says to me that you suffer from BP2.

I am not a pdoc so I am not trying to diagnose you, just giving you an opinion. ((((HUGS))))