[mylove0mylife]

I suffer from depression, bipolar 2 and anxiety

For mental reasons I am on Budiprion 150mg x 2 daily (Well Butrin) and Lamotrigine 100mg x 1 daily (Lamatical) daily. I have Clonzapam and Ambien for as needed use.

Here's the problem. I've been on Budiprion for going on 5 years now, Lamotrigine, Clonzapam and Ambien for almost 2 years. The Ambien I use maybe once or twice every week to every other week. I only use it if I haven't been able to sleep, and considering my work load I'm not able to get a full 8 hours in every night, so I'm not able to really take it all the time.

I want off my meds (the daily meds, I would like to keep the Clonzapam and Ambien for just in case scenarios), because after 5 years the meds aren't 'fixing' the problem. I had this crazy idea that if I suppressed the issue, and took meds the problem would magical go away...and I'm finally realizing that it doesn't work that way.

My psychiatrist, I'm slowly coming to the conclusion, is just in this for the money. Though these symptoms were real this is what I did my first visit:
Him: "What seems to be the problem?"
Me: -describe the handful of symptoms I had, which I also saw were on a list online of what symptoms people have for what I thought I had.-
Him: "Ok. Have you ever been on meds for this?"
Me: "No"
Him: "We'll put you on this."

I could probably go in there and say that I have anything, and he'll look at me, say okay, and fill out a script. He schedules 15 - 20 people in a 15 minute time slot, you sit there for over an hour and half waiting with a bunch of other people to get seen. Once you are seen, he asks you how you're doing WHILE he's writing the scripts. I'm in there for less than 5 minutes, pay my 45 dollar copay and leave.

I've determined there are two ways to solve this problem:
1. Get off my meds, and suffer the consequences
2. Seek help from a psychologist instead of my psychiatrist.

Option 1:
Pros: I'm off my meds
Cons: Withdrawl, and honestly this is just a really stupid idea to begin with.
Option 1, out of the question.

Option 2:
Pros: I can finally figure out/talk out what the problems are, and hopefully get them out of my head, and get off the medications
Cons: It's going to be a LONG process, and I really...really don't like therapist because of how most of them treat you, they treat you as a case, not a person (at least in the past experiences I have.) Plus, I have a really hard time opening up to someone verbally if I don't know them.

So, since this is a new thing for me (stopping my meds, and actually talking to someone who could help me about the things I've had locked inside of me for so long) I'm not 100% sure how to go about it WITHOUT feeling socially awkward. I hate meeting new people, and I hate sharing emotions. Even with my fiance he has to like, practically beat it out of me for me to tell him what's wrong (not literally beating, but you get the idea).

[Raindropvampire]

The most common belief is that bipolar is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. If that is true how can it be fixed without medication? I think you are on the right track when you said you want to find someone to talk to. For what it's worth I find my meds work best when I am in talk therapy. I agree with your view on shrinks. Mine is the same way. I go in she asks how I am. If I give any answer other than fine she wants to up my meds.

[Ryask]

It's your choice, and i feel you have weighed the pro's and con's pretty well.If you want to stop meds DO NOT QUIT COLD TURKEY, i can not stress this enough it's not only uncomfortable it's actually dangerous. I would recamend cutting the dose in 1/4 in two week intervals. For example if you take 40mg of something cut the pill in 4 and take 3/4 or 30mg for two weeks, then 1/2 or 20mg for 2 weeks etc. (anything time released or XL should not be cut)until you are off. You could even push it to 1/3 instead of 1/4 intervals.I would also say try to come off one med at a time.
For the most success honestly i would highly recamend seeing a regular therapist.Unless you have some pretty amazing coping skills, like meditation, or writing or whatever, but from the sounds of it, you pretty much keep your emotions to your self...and that will does not bode well for a good outcome. Whatever your decision i do wish you the best and please let us know how it goes!

Best of luck!

[kindachaotic]

Have almost identical dx & meds. as you. I just switched pdocs for the same reason. He was already writing my rx's when I start talking&he was writing them wrong so many times I quit saying anything cause he was upping the dosage of my lamictal & I wouldn't realize it until I got it filled... No discussion, no nothing. The last straw was he put me on an AD that I told him THAT day it made me manic, so he wasn't listening to a word I said.
I personally can't function off meds. & now go to an actual mental health clinic that so far I really like. Still haven't gotten another T yet but it's been hard, in my experience, to find a good one. Also struggle with friends & trust issues. Somehow missed out on HOW to make new friends. So you are not alone here, you won't be judged & there is a lot of great info. From the people on here &the different forums.
Truly hope you make the best decisions for YOU!
Take care & keep posting.

[BlackPup]

Maybe you could try seeing a different pdoc. Mine talks to me about what is working and what isn't and discusses side effects etc, we tried a bunch of different meds before I found the ones that I'm on now - they are working well at the moment.

I think seeing a T is a good idea, it helps with coping mechanisms and helps to keep things in perspective when a mood comes along.

good luck in your journey

[SunAngel]

I can understand why you would like to go off your meds. If I were you, I would start looking for another pdoc. The one I gave up on last year only scheduled appts. for 15 minutes and he was always looking at the clock and even started closing his eyes and almost falling asleep. He was definitely in it for the money. I asked him one time if he ever got sick and tired of listening to people all day, and he said "yes". That was my signal that I had to find another one.

Now, I have a great APRN who sits with me for at least 30 minutes and can tell just by BSing with me what mood I am in at the time.

I think it's important to have a T who you like and who listens to you. I have been through so many of them, finally finding the one who is for me and she is teaching me coping skills to deal with life's situations or different ways to handle my thoughts and my reactions to my BP symptoms or episodes.

I asked her why she like being a therapist, and she told me that she got a calling so I know she is in it to help people and is not just after the money. She truly wants to help people and does a damn good job at what she does.

Please stay on meds because if you go off of meds, you will be so episodic and all the "talk" in the world isn't going to help you. Like what was already said, it is important to be on meds because you have a chemical thing going on in your brain. Meds. and talk therapy works the best.

[popeye]

I have been lucky...my Pdoc talks with me for almost 45 minutes before she writes me any presciptions. I do not see a T because she talks more about herself than about me. I had one once that only wrote my cript and that was it. He sucked. Waiting...I wat 10 minutes at the most. I have been real lucky to have the insurance that I have from the State of Michigan. I am also a psych nurse so I know what I need and don't need. My shrink listens to me.

[mylove0mylife]

I won't stop taking my meds just out of the blue. I know I need professional help to do that. I've had a bipolar friend in the passed who stopped talking his meds to be normal, and he shot himself on Christmas Eve of 2009. That was extremely unexpected because we didn't know he was bipolar until the day of his funeral. He always seemed like he was in such a good mood.

I'm going to wait 'til my fiance get's home to make any decisions completely...he SHOULD be home in 17 days...hopefully the Navy won't change that again.