[simoneadams91]

so the past couple of days i have been feeling really down. i slept all day yesterday, and woke up around 2 this morning. i had continuous crying spells throughout the night, as well as comtemplated thoughts of suicide.
but today, i feel ok. i watched movies all day with my brother and i didn't really leave his room, but i felt ok.
i honestly don't know or understand why my moods change so drastically, and often out of nowhere. i can be completely fine one minute and have a simple thought, and become insanely depressed.
from what i'm told it's normal for someone with BP but i just can't handle it anymore. it's annoying and really inconvenient.
i can't seem to sustain a relationship (with friends,family,or spouse) because it's hard for me to express how i feel because my feelings are all over the place.. all the time.
my guy friend just cut me off because he can't deal with the chaos that's constantly going on with me.
the thing is, with my family and friends, is that they don't know how much it hurts and bothers me that i can't be what they want or need me to be for them.
but it hurts me alot more than it hurts them... i mean afterall i am the one living with it. i have to live with the fact that i fail everyone, including myself on a daily basis.