Off topic - a laugh for the day

Anneinside · Sep 26, 2011, 02:01 PM

This made me laugh so much I choked!! I thought I'd share it with all of you.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target .

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out . Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse .

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs . Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store .. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store . Our complaints against your husband as per our cameras:

1 . June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking ..

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals .

3 . July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom .

4 . July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares . Get on it right away' .. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money .

5 . August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway .

6 . August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area .

7 . August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged .
8 . August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called .....

9 . . September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose .

10 . September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were ..

11 . October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme ..

12 . October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels .

13 . October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14 . October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:
15 . October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here . ' One of the clerks passed out ..