[nacht]

Well, I missed another choir rehearsal. I had to turn back home not even halfway there, because I was falling asleep at the wheel due to being tired, never mind that I slept almost 12 hours today. I've missed enough rehearsals already this season that I'm kind of wondering if I should talk to my choir director (he's brand new to the symphony) and tell him what's going on, but I don't know if he'll just think I'm making excuses for my absences or if he'll understand. I don't know what to do.

[kindachaotic]

Maybe you could try & get some background on the new guy. Possibly approach it as a personal health issue. Could you practice at home?

I could barely sing in the choir at church. Pdoc gave me Inderal for stage fright & it really works. But being asked to do solos, even repeatedly, was/is out of the question, even with Inderal.

Hope you get this worked out with your health & your director.

[nacht]

I hope it works out too! We're only allowed two absences for this performance and I've already used both of them in the last two weeks because I could barely even make it out of bed. It takes an hour to get to the symphony hall, which makes it doubly hard - I wasn't expecting fifteen minutes on the commute to knock all the energy out of me.

I can practice at home; I have a piano and the music I need. I just... haven't really done much of anything.

The new director seems nice enough but he's also really intense, and very "you're part of this choir so I expect you to be at all rehearsals." If nothing else works, maybe I can just offer to sit out on this performance (it doesn't happen until March). I just don't want to take a leave of absence, even if I've been considering it. The symphony's really all I do outside my house anymore.

[kindachaotic]

You're director might be more understanding than you think, who knows. Especially since it's not till march.
Have you had a med change or tweak recently, or a call into T or pdoc? Just hate to see you miss out on such an outside passion. Your best is all you can do, don't beat yourself up about it.
Good luck & take care of yourself.

[nacht]

I have, actually - I hadn't been on meds for a long time and I'm back on now. I can't tell if that's causing the sleepiness or if it's this bout of depression that's making me constantly tired.

Thank you. I feel like I'm going to have to at least say something, so I'll let you guys know what happens.

[wackywidow]

Hi Nacht, Here I am just as I said I might be. Caught you here and cannot resist "jumping in". I suspect very strongly that the problem lays with your meds, especially if you have not been on them for some time. Maybe the pdoc started you on too high a dose. Ask him to lower it somewhat and see what happens.

I think you need to be in that concert in March. It would certainly add to your self-esteem. For me it would be a great morale booster. To pass it up, I am afraid you will be "kick-butting" yourself on the performance days. You cannot afford to feel failure when you are dealing with depression. It only makes it worse.

Try and think of this whole thing as a challenge, and then, put the boxing gloves on and become a winner.

I might give your concert master the benefit of the doubt. Just tell him only as much as he needs to hear. Do it in a strong positive way that will show him how much you want to remain with the choir. Let him make the decision. Right now you are assuming that all is lost. I don't think so.

You CAN conquer the "black dog" (depression)! If he is biting you, bite him back.

[nacht]

I talked to him and he was very understanding! *whew*

The rehearsals for this particular piece are being put on hiatus until after the Christmas season, so he asked me to stick with it if at all possible.

[wackywidow]

Originally Posted by nacht

I talked to him and he was very understanding! *whew*

The rehearsals for this particular piece are being put on hiatus until after the Christmas season, so he asked me to stick with it if at all possible.

See, I knew you could do it. I am sooooooo glad this is working out for you. I think it is a very important step in the right direction for you. Most people understand if you are "upfront" with them.