[JourneyUpward]

I've been suffering in the deepest dregs of the depressive phase of a bipolar cycle for weeks now--which they don't usually last quite this long, but my dad died 6 days ago after a battle with his health. The depressive anguish coupled with grief has the potential for dangerous thoughts.

I have been literally forcing myself to get outdoors early in the morning to work in my garden a few times a week. That hour and a half help me focus on the needs of my plants and trimming rather than how I feel inside. I try to totally wrap my head around the gardening tasks to forget myself. The bending, squatting, and stretching helps loosen up my muscles and joints as a bonus. When I'm done and come back in the house I am again hit square in the face with my condition, but my body is still reaping the benefits of working outdoors. At least I refocused my attention for 90 minutes out there. Now, I need to find things to wrap my head around indoors. Since my energy is limited, I have to reach deep to force myself to do the normal everyday tasks - but I'm willing to do the work and expend the effort for my health and safety. I just do things at a slower pace, one thing at a time. At the end of the day I can feel that I at least accomplished one, two or three things that were worthwhile (laundry, gardening, cleaning a bathroom, vacuuming or an errand at the store, whatever). When I feel normal, I can accomplish most or even all these things in one day and sometimes more. When in the dark whole I'm in now, I must pick and choose what I do - but I demand of myself that I do something, even if they are little things, otherwise I would totally lose myself. It's a matter of making little or major mind shifts, refocusing to the tasks at hand while blocking out the beastly thoughts that want to consume me. I know I am in potential danger now, I just saw my psychiatrist 2 days ago and he asked me outright about suicide - yes the thoughts are there, the hows are there, the when is NOT there - I won't allow it. He wanted to know how we would keep me safe - I said I'm working hard at it and explained. And I have to be at my father's funeral Tuesday & my son is flying in to do the service. I have things I have to be here for. My Pdoc accepted that - he knows me well and has put me in the hospital before. I am honest with him - we've built up a trust. I will call him if I can't handle it any longer. In the meantime, I try to keep my mind busy, puzzles, chores that I can dig up enough energy to do, journaling, reading when I can manage to concentrate, mindfulness, trying to use positive self talk-sometimes its hard to do.

What are some techniques that you use? Sharing these might help all of us to help each other. Thanks

[Trippin2.0]

I'm n0t much help right n0w, but would like to offer my m0st heart-felt c0ndolences. I kn0w what it's like to lose your father :'( I'm thinking of you and will keep you in prayer. God bless XOXO

Condolences on your dad, JourneyUpward

You are doing great things to fight against the depression consuming you. The only other things I can think of atm are listening to music and watching funny movies or shows, both of which also can help to bring one outside one's head. Oh, and playing with a pet if you have one. Connecting with that unconditional love.

Good thread, JourneyUpward

[kindachaotic]

(((((JourneyUpward)))))
So sorry for you loss, may you have the strength for the days ahead.
You are in my thoughts & prayers.

[AniManiac]

I make myself go for a walk outdoors, no matter how lousy I feel, at least four times a week. Whether it's just a walk to campus for a meeting or with the dog, getting out and moving around helps. It forces me realize that there's more to the world than my sad little bundle of miseries. And sometimes I get to see some birds, which makes me happier. It works especially well when the sun is shining, but that's relatively rare - we get 70 days of sunshine per year in my town.

What I really should do is extend that to exercise every day, going out with the dog on her early walk to prime the pump and get my brains and body moving before 7 AM. I know I do better with an early jolt of exercise, but especially when I'm down, it's really hard to drag myself out of bed, even though I'm sleeping 2 or 3 times as much as when I feel good.

Dear JourneyUpward, you have my deepest condolences on the loss of your father. I lost mine 3 yrs. ago and it still stings, so I understand what you must be going through. I wish you well in getting through your loss and your grieving. Something I do to get through deep depression is I chat in a strictly bipolar chat room. It helps to be amongst others who know what it's all about and listen and offer support. The same goes for coming onto Psyche Central. Also I try and occupy my mind by doing crossword puzzles, playing video games (which really takes me out of my own mind and distracts the wretched awful thoughts) and then I sometimes veg out on t.v. if there are some decent shows to distract my negative thoughts. I try to do some chores so I have a feeling of accomplishment as well.

[alwaysrejoice]

Im sorry to hear about your dad.

Are you crafty or artistic? Maybe you are and you just don't know it? I suggest going to Michaels and just looking around maybe something will catch your eye, or maybe you could take a class there.