[Annie Laurie]

I'm really concerned about how easily I've been getting triggered into anger at people about very petty things. I'll feel that I need to make a stand and if a friend is with me ... well, here's an example:

Yesterday, a friend and I went to a restaurant which turned out to be unbearably hot. I asked if they would turn down the heat. The employee said she couldn't, so I asked to speak to the manager. The manager said she couldn't. Now, it was truly unbearable, and I told my poor friend and the manager that we weren't going to be able to eat there, so we left.

As we were just outside, I was venting to my friend, saying that the manager was simply lying and that of course she could adjust the climate system. My friend took the side of the manager, saying she probably could not. That really got under my skin but I realized I had put us in a jam since I had asked her out to eat at that particular restaurant and she wasn't as negatively affected by heat as I (very high heat triggers panic attacks in me), so I needed to eat crow and go on back to the restaurant and have dinner.

We went back in, only to find the manager had just turned on the air conditioner. We ordered and then the manager took my friend aside at the salad bar and they began talking together and glancing toward me. I'll have to say that really stunned me that my friend would do that. We aren't mean teenagers, after all!

As we began to eat, I asked my friend about what happened and told her I felt hurt by it and that I had hadn't understood why she "took the side" of the manager when we went outside and I said the manager clearly could have adjusted the climate controls (as she obviously did once we left). I also acknowledged that I was behaving terribly and I knew it was difficult to be my friend during the past several months.

She got very mad at me and went silent.

Of course, there's more, but the truth is the issue is me ... the behaviors are mine, and each day I try to be calm and love ... to practice loving kindness and mindfulness ... each day I see through the mirror darkly

and I'm very frightened by how easy it is to be triggered ... for my anger and irritability to be triggered, and I feel worse if a friend tries to reason it away

and I feel very alone. I push people away, but there really is no one who would stand with a person through this ... or who would/will stand with me through this,

[kindachaotic]

Hello & welcome! Do you see a T or pdoc?

You said you're a teenager with dx of bipolar. Are these anger issues strictly due to bipolar or are there things past or present that need to be dealt with?

If this intolerance happens at school maybe your guidance counselor could be of help or can refer you to someone or services that would be helpful.

Hope this helps, take care & keep posting!

[roads]

I'll say first, Annie Laurie, that things don't seem to add up here to me. But then confusion is not new to me.

I took your remark about not being mean teenagers to mean that you were adults. It you are teens, I guess I'd be inclined to chalk some of your "friend's" behavior up to immaturity.

But if the manager turned on the air conditioning after you left, then your complaint about the heat was well-founded. If you had been inappropriate in your conduct at the restaurant when complaining about the heat, I'm surprised the "friend" would agree to go back to the restaurant with you. Does she love embarrassment?

I don't know you & I wasn't there, but there had to be more to the story as you suggested.

How good a "friend" was this? And do you have a tdoc to rehash this with? Are you on meds under a pdoc?

[LivingMiracle]

Hey,

I just wanted you to know that your not alone with easy triggers. I was dxed in my late teens and I understand what it's like, especially when a "friend" tries to reason with your feelings. Are you seeing doc for the bipolar dx? I'm finding about talking about the situation that triggered me or even writing the event out, its easier to figure out the root of the trigger. Maybe it might be worth trying.

[Annie Laurie]

Well, thanks everyone. No, to begin with, my friend and I aren't teens. I am very grateful for your responses. I was diagnosed over 32 years ago and have taken meds for bipolar for that long, with adjustments. I've had longterm stability, but for the past few months have been knocked for a loop -- or just maybe IN a loopySpin. No fun. I had been maintaining my Pmeds for the past couple of years with my internist and things had been fine (Warning: this is a shining reason NOT to do this -- I should've at least been seeing my psychiatrist once every four months or so). I had also dropped out of my group therapy (for PTSD/childhood sexual abuse issues) last year, so when I went into the tailspin, I was without a safety net. To top it off, I had let go of another very close longtime friend within the past 10 months.

I have found this online forum and another after I found this one. I finally got an appointment with a new psychologist (saw her for the first time last week) in a practice with psychiatrists (have an appt. with one in a couple of weeks and hope to start taking Lamictal and perhaps make some other changes...

Have lost my train of thought.

[Annie Laurie]

... and with just a year until retirement, I seem to be falling apart.

That's my funny story.