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#1
Nov 08, 2011, 10:57 AM
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That's how I feel. I miss my x, i wish i could take back all those nasty things i said. I kn0w he didn't use me, he has his own dem0ns,an thus his own reas0ns for being em0ti0nally unavailable, i knew this, before, i knew this during, but still i pushed for more. Now i'm alone, i lost my best friend bcoz i became greedy and asked for things i knew he'd never give me. Feels like God has forgotten me... Damn i'm so ashamed, i've NEVER questioned or doubted God before. Not when my brother was murdered,n0t when my dad passed soon after fr0m heart failure... Now that Rowan's gone... I wonder what's the point in having any kind a faith at all. It shames me, but its there... Can't tell ANYBODY this, he was my confidant, my spiritual advisor, my prayer partner... Anybody else i kn0w would just judge me, or n0t even TRY to understand how utterly lost i feel. I have to hide my emotions coz nobody understands them, and it makes them ( family, friends ) unc0mfortable. I'm a freak. A bad Christian, a terrible m0ther and hardly deserving of love of any sort. No point to this post, just needed to exhale before i implode... Tx for letting me rant.
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#2
Nov 08, 2011, 01:26 PM
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((((Hugs))))
Trippin ....Im so sorry your feeling so overwhelmed and beating yourself up over everything... Your not a bad Person and Please try to find a way to take a few deep breaths ..Im so glad you posted on here ..sometimes just dumping all the mess out of our heads is a huge relief ! Try to be Kinder to yourself .. Keep posting here and know that your loved 
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#3
Nov 08, 2011, 02:09 PM
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trippin
 hang in there. keep posting if you need to I'll be sure to read it. I feel your pain. |
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#4
Nov 08, 2011, 02:15 PM
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The pain and loneliness is seemingly unbearable. But i've just got to ride it out, it's not permanent... Just wish i didn't feel so doomed, so utterly cursed...
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#5
Nov 08, 2011, 02:50 PM
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Quote:
you are right, it is not pernament. You are not doomed... I think the whole questioning our purpose and if we are good enough and all that... it is just a very humane thing. Be well.
__________________
Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE |
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#6
Nov 08, 2011, 03:45 PM
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(((trippin))) It comes in waves, you do have to keep riding them out. But soon the waves will come with more and more distance between them. They will become gentler and easier ride with time. And remember what you tell me " you are worth it, I promise " the same holds true for you. You are worth it my friend!! Don't forget.
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#7
Nov 08, 2011, 06:25 PM
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You are making sense, Trippin. You have to ride this out and it's not permanent. Absolutely right. Hang on.
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#8
Nov 08, 2011, 07:47 PM
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Quote:
That's really a huge thing, Tripping! This is progress for you, tho you may not be able to see it now. On your team   Roadrunner |
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#9
Nov 09, 2011, 02:03 AM
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Thanks everyone. Well it's Wednesday morning and I'm at work. Well atleast i stopped crying for now. Thats something atleast...
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#10
Nov 09, 2011, 02:23 AM
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Not crying is a huge step!
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#11
Nov 09, 2011, 09:39 AM
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(((Trippin)))
Not crying is definitely progress! I agree with Anika, it does come in waves. It sounds a little like you're grieving, not just for the people and relationships you've lost but also for a sense of normalcy and the things that might have been. I have always experienced grieving as something that swallows you up and spits you out, over and over. Maybe there are some resources for grieving that would be helpful for you? 
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#12
Nov 09, 2011, 11:21 AM
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Trippin, I'm a firm believer that many of the things we go through are not for us directly, but a chance to have experiences so we can help others in a more meaningful and understanding way. There is nothing like experience to make a good teacher.
I have been through a ton of stuff, and I'm thankful every time I can use that knowledge to help somebody. People get plunked in front of me often, and I love them. 
__________________
The light at the end of the tunnel could be you. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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