[Sheba976]

I've always been into going to high places and seeing the "view" I've gone out of my way, hiked for miles, climbed up to fire towers in the Adirondacks. I've been searching google earth maps to find out how to get to the top a very high train bridge in Pa. This thing is massive and beautiful. I can only imagine the views from the top. But then the thoughts of being in such a serene place make me think of, well I think you know where I am going with this. One weekend I was so down, I took my kids and drove by the bridge. I just wanted to see it again. I had even contemplated going to the hospital because I was so down. But I'm afraid because I don't know what to expect. Also dealing with the aftermath and getting 100 questions from my nosy co-workers and having my family worry.

I think I have figured out how to get to the top but I'm afraid that if I am alone and depressed one weekend I will be lured to it. I feel totally nuts even writing this. I haven't told my doc or boyfriend. I just know they won't understand. Does anyone have strange thoughts like this?

[Moose72]

I have. Once on a balcony. I thought I could fly.

Originally Posted by Sheba976

..I think I have figured out how to get to the top but I'm afraid that if I am alone and depressed one weekend I will be lured to it. I feel totally nuts even writing this... Does anyone have strange thoughts like this?

In a word, yes. I've been obsessed and lured. Wasn't a bridge (afraid of heights), but that's not the point. Trying to decide how to put this next part... I was able to recognize that it was the BP running the show because the thing I was lured to was sooo not me (even in the twisted parts of my brain). At the time, I was also extremely impulsive, which I knew could very well override everything. In an instant. Obsessed, depressed but agitated and impulsive. A very dangerous combo. Managed somehow to have enough sense to steer clear of it. Regardless of why or whether one might recognize it being the BP talking, it IS the BP talking.

When you say doc, is it T or a Pdoc by chance? It would be good to talk to them about this. Believe me, it would be far from the first time they've heard it.
Sheba976 Don't risk even going there, ok?

[Sheba976]

I have an appointment this Friday with my therapist. I definately will not go there.