[AniManiac]

I don't know what's up with me today but I'm really feeling down. Went to the T this morning, even he commented on it, and this was only our 3rd meeting so he doesn't know me very well just yet.

I want to say it's just the gray skies. Or stress - I haven't been getting much done in the last couple weeks and it's starting to be a problem. I really need to get some work done but it's taking several times longer than it "should" to do anything. It makes me feel awful and then I just worry some more. I know I can't expect meds to work this quick, but right now I really don't feel good and I'm worrying that it will stay this way for months. All the what-ifs are swirling around in my head and making me feel more panicky.

I won't see the T or the pdoc until after Thanksgiving, and I'll be traveling to see family all next week so it'll be a little chaotic. I've been stressing over getting arrangements set up for this trip, hubby and I were discussing canceling half of it this morning but now it's decided, we're going for the whole week. I hate these trips but we haven't seen any family in a year, so we really gotta go, and I know I'll enjoy seeing people once we're there. But travel tends to be triggering for me, so even though no time zones are being crossed this time, I'm worried that it'll make me all hypomanic and then I'll crash again when I get home.

I asked the T about telling family about the dx; he said it's up to me, but I don't owe them any explanations. So I think I won't say anything this trip. Maybe next year.

Ani, I'm sorry you're feeling down .

What if you try to slow it down a bit. I mean keeping your thoughts to the present moment, no next week, not your trip, no what if it lasts longer, or what if it turns to mania. I know it's really hard to do. But if you can manage to do that it takes a load of stress off. It really helps me to try to remain present.

I hope you have a good trip, sometimes I take an Ativan or something during the actual traveling to help. And no you don't owe anyone an explanation so take your time.

[roads]

Absolutely stay in the present, Anika's got this one nailed!

You've got the trip planned, so you don't have to do that. Stay here & now. You've done that, you know how. It's great practice, anyway.

Okay, end of lecture. Lectures you don't need.

You are calm. You are relaxed. You are present. You are so very, very fine ...

[AniManiac]

Thanks Anika and roadrunner. I'm trying not to think past right now, which is hard but helps. Also a little valium helps! At least I have gotten a couple of tasks done now, so I don't feel so overwhelmed.

I went and crawled in bed and had a little cry, then I went to do a task that got something off my desk, off my conscience, and involved taking a little walk outside. While I did that, I saw a new bird species that I haven't seen before, an American woodcock! That was momentarily exciting.

But I've been crying on and off all afternoon for no reason. I just want to crawl back in bed. I hate this.

[Sheba976]

Originally Posted by AniManiac

Thanks Anika and roadrunner. I'm trying not to think past right now, which is hard but helps. Also a little valium helps! At least I have gotten a couple of tasks done now, so I don't feel so overwhelmed.

I went and crawled in bed and had a little cry, then I went to do a task that got something off my desk, off my conscience, and involved taking a little walk outside. While I did that, I saw a new bird species that I haven't seen before, an American woodcock! That was momentarily exciting.

But I've been crying on and off all afternoon for no reason. I just want to crawl back in bed. I hate this.

I'm sorry your feeling down. The CNY weather is not helpful today. Since we are in the same area, we should be bipolar buddies! lol Send me a message some time.

[33yankee33]

Hi AniManiac. I'm sorry your down. Sometimes crying is just what we need, at least for me. Perhaps with a short nap after. It helps me to keep my mind on small tasks and stay in the moment. I'll be praying you feel better.

[sillyfab]

Just reading this now. The weather in Kentucky the past few days has been horribly gray and rainy. I love thunderstorms, but just plain old rain makes me down and depressed. Maybe the weather has more to do with it than you think, and actually getting away from the grayness for a bit will help. Either way, I hope you're doing well, and I hope that you get to enjoy the time you spend with fam this holiday season (as difficult as I know it can be).

[AniManiac]

Thanks, all - feeling much better by now. And the travel hasn't yet triggered any hypomania, which is a relief.

We've only been hanging out with friends so far, and had a couple of relaxing days; the rest of the trip will be dealing with family, which is exhausting. My dad tomorrow, my in-laws on Thursday, and my grandma and maternal family on Friday. And then another 10-hour drive on Saturday, what fun!

So far, so good, anyway!

[kaliope]

AniManiac wrote - "But I've been crying on and off all afternoon for no reason."

This is what i really hate hearing - for no reason - why dont we give ourselves a break? why do we always beat ourselves up? how many times have I berated myself for being so weak? there IS a reason, damn it! We are suffering from depression, bipolar, mental illness! Its not because we are sissies and have no coping skills, or we stubbed our toes, or woke up on the wrong side of the bed. We have a chemical imbalance and we work our butts off in therapy and take toxic chemicals to FIX this problem and still, still there are times when the world just isnt right and it is beyond our control and we respond by crying. But we are crying because it is part of being bipolar, not for no reason. so we have to remind ourselves of that when we lose it, "no i am not crying for no reason, im depressed right now, and its natural to cry when youre depressed. im doing just what i should be doing."

Just my two cents. Sorry if i got aggressive.

[AniManiac]

Originally Posted by sillyfab

Just reading this now. The weather in Kentucky the past few days has been horribly gray and rainy. I love thunderstorms, but just plain old rain makes me down and depressed. Maybe the weather has more to do with it than you think, and actually getting away from the grayness for a bit will help. Either way, I hope you're doing well, and I hope that you get to enjoy the time you spend with fam this holiday season (as difficult as I know it can be).

Yeah, it had been several days of gray weather by then. I know I don't do well with prolonged gray skies, and I live in a city that gets only 70 days of sunshine per year on average. It's not much different from any other place I've lived, though.

We did get to enjoy sunny skies yesterday, but today was not so much. I might need to ask the pdoc about a light box this winter, though, because I've certainly noticed that the weather seems to have a pretty strong effect on my moods. My GP once recommended occasional tanning for a similar effect!

[~Christina]

Animanic ~
I feel for you sooooooooooooooo much ! you have gotten such lovely advice .. staying in the here and now I swear is the best advice ..Im still trying to learn that LOL .

Just relax and enjoy some time away from home .. Dont beat yorself up over a damn thing .

Personally i feel all us Bipolar folks but ourselves under waht too much stress because we have a mental health issue not say " diabetes" or "Lung issues" "heart issues" etc ... I use to have an aunt that was diabetic and a few other issues and it was expected that when she traveled she absolutly took whatever time and accommdations she needed

..Im begining to think we may all need to start doing the same .. I know "mental Health " still has stigma issues and personally I have only told a very people I have BiPolar . Heres a funny story for ya ....today for instance i went to my dentist for a cleaning and a visit with him .. when reviewing my medications from almost a year ago ,,I felt that " twing" of OMG should i tell him ... well hes the only dentist that hasnt hurt me so I filled him in on my meds ... he asked me ... Bipolar? ....I said yes .. he came over and gave me a hug and said lets get all your Dental work " fillings" done before you lose your insurance (he knows I have such limited funds we are living literally day to day now) ...and you can pay me your portion whenever . Of course the tears started he came back over sat next to me and said ....you have severe Fibro and finally diagnosed Bipolar take time for YOU !!! he said he has a family member with bipolar and he sees her struggle to appear normal all the time ...He then said " what the helll is normal any how" I really adore this man ... i live in a super small town and the majority of people are so helpful its almost scarey to me LOL I grew up in Florida and it was a ,ajor rat race everyone in a hurry and there was no seeing a dentist let alone doctor with out full payment in hand .

SO Animanic Know you are loved buy more than you can probably know !

Be kind to yourself !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[AniManiac]

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

Animanic ~
I feel for you sooooooooooooooo much ! you have gotten such lovely advice .. staying in the here and now I swear is the best advice ..Im still trying to learn that LOL .

Just relax and enjoy some time away from home .. Dont beat yorself up over a damn thing .

Personally i feel all us Bipolar folks but ourselves under waht too much stress because we have a mental health issue not say " diabetes" or "Lung issues" "heart issues" etc ... I use to have an aunt that was diabetic and a few other issues and it was expected that when she traveled she absolutly took whatever time and accommdations she needed

..Im begining to think we may all need to start doing the same ..

Great story about your dentist! I have a nice dentist, but it sounds like you won the dentist lottery!

What you mention about taking time and accommodations when traveling really rings true. Travel is a major career requirement for me (I've spent over 100 days away from home this year), and I love it (aside from the havoc it wreaks on my everyday life), but it's nearly always triggering. So I will probably need to cut back on travel, or choose more judiciously. I love going to Europe, but the 5-6 hour time change kicks me in the face every time.

I'm starting to think one of the ways to mitigate travel-triggered mood swings is to take my husband with me. He keeps me grounded and helps make sure I continue to get reasonable sleep and proper feeding. Basically he ensures that I don't end up binge drinking and not sleeping for a week, which makes me crash and burn when I get home. I never get as hypomanic when he's with me helping me regulate my behavior when my mood gets out of control.