[Hope-Full]

I hope it's ok to post this here. My best friend is Bipolar (don't know if it's I or II) and she's having a really rough time these days. I know it's partly cause of something she's got going on, but her BP is making it even harder to maintain.

I was wondering if you could give me any ideas as to how best support her when things get this bad for her? She's usually pretty able to cope with the highs and lows, but this time it's really knocked her out and I want to be there for her as best as I am able.

[Hydrophobic1212]

Well, hmm... That's a tough call, since I know nothing about how your friend is...

So I'll just say it from my personal stand point.

If I were your friend, going through a rough time, I'd want to know for sure that you're there for me, no matter what... And that you understand what's going on, not just saying you do. Really, just staying there and being a good friend to her will help her a lot.

Sorry I'm not much more help than that... Hope things get better soon!

[Hope-Full]

That's actually helpful hydrophobic.

She and I are incredibly similar in that we both have our mental challenges and both have crazy families and such. She's the only person that I've ever been able to truly be myself with, and it's the same for her around me. I tried to reassure her today that no matter what I'll be there for her, no matter how yuck she feels. Actions speak louder than words, though, and I don't know how to show her that.

It's hard for me to see her like this cause my mother is also BP, and her lows were dangerous. I worry for my friend, cause she's too special to me to lose her to a low low.

[lad007]

I would take a look at what she may not be able to do and help her with that.
When I don't feel well I can't shop and hate looking at the mail. If you notice she doesn't have fresh food or her bills are in a stack you could help with that. Some people don't want to clean the dishes or do laundry, you get what I mean.

[Tosspot]

good ideas everyone! I'm bipolar and I the help I usually need is to help me focus and set realistic goals. I tend to get overwhelmed and start using the "everys" example "everything sucks, everybody hates me etc." I have a whiteboard in my room with what i need to do everyday and it has really helped. Simple things like take a shower, check the mail, do the dishes, make food, call a friend, fill my pill box etc. also i throw in bigger things like go to work, buy groceries, pick up prescriptions. It helps me to check stuff off and i feel productive.

When she's stable maybe sign a contract? my boyfriend and i have one that basically says if xy and z happen he has my permission to call my therapist/send me to the er for an eval. that way i can't get mad because i see that at some point i agreed to that and i don't feel anger towards him.

You know your friend so just ask her what she needs from you. If she answers "i dont know" or "you can't help me i'm a failure" offer a suggestion of something you can do (see lad007 suggestions above) and don't argue/try to convince her of anything, in that state we can't see the truths usually. just validate what she's saying "i hear you feel _____) there's probably a website for "therapeutic communication" I'll go look

[Tosspot]

I know you aren't a therapist and these sites are geared towards nurses/therapists but anyone can use them, it just techniques to be in a helping role for someone. Check out what not to do too, that might actually be more important

http://www.ehow.com/way_5240883_exam...nications.html
this one's pretty good too to start with

http://www.austincc.edu/richb/thercom.html this one is brief but gives examples so you'll get the general idea

[Miss Laura]

Hey Hope-full,

I would say just being there for your friend and listening to her is probably what she needs. I know when I am really having a hard time either manic or depressed an ear is what I need. Maybe some tissues and chocolate too lol!!