[tnlibrarian]

My husband came into the bedroom and asked me if I need to call my psych. I blew up at our youngest daughter over a bag of chips and have been cycling unbelivably bad today. I found myself looking at knives in the kitchen and wondering if I would feel better if I cut myself. Not attempt suicide--but cut. I feel the urge to do stuff like pinch myself as hard as I can when I start getting mad or frustrated. I've had to fight the urge to cry all day. I just keep going between two extremes. I took an Ativan, which helped, but then I got frustrated because it was making me sleepy and I couldn't take a nap.

My husband seems to think that perhaps we need to consider hospitilization. When I pointed out we can't really afford it he just said there are worst things than the expense of hospitlization. He's afraid I'm going to be come suicidal again. I don't feel suicidal but I will admit that I'm afraid I could start down that path again.

I'm thinking about calling my psych dr. about the intensive out patient program I found but then I think about the fact that I've just been on Ativan since Friday. Maybe it's too soon to make any judgement calls. I do know that if my husband is saying maybe we need to think about a hospital visit things are serious.

I don't know what to do. Call and ask for a referal to the out patient program? Wait to see if adding the Ativan and switching to regular Wellbutrin helps? I need some advice, please.

I totally understand.

I found hospitalization helpful for immediate crisis, and out patient more helpful for long term. I don't know if that's helps any. Ativan should be fast acting as far as I know. Not really needing time to work. Sounds like maybe the Ativan is not enough at the moment.

I really feel for you. I'm glad your husband is being concerned and proactive here. Maybe your pdoc will have some idea what might be the better choice.

[~Christina]

The main thing is that you stay safe . I know your really wanting to avoid a hospital trip.. Your husband just wants you safe . Just be kind to yourself and give your doctor a call and see what they think ..

The main thing is that you are SAFE .

(((( hugs))))

[tnlibrarian]

I'm going to see how I feel tomorrow. If feel better I'll go from there. If I don't I'm going to call and ask about the out patient program. My biggest concern about the hospital is my three month old. He is such a Mommy's boy that I think my husband is going to have a very, very hard time with him if I'm not here.

[sugahorse1]

You need to be strong and reach out when you feel you want to cut or hurt yourself in any other way. Call your pdoc, or your T, or a close friend, or your husband.

I found Ativan great to mellow me out. Sometimes also made me drowsy enough to just sleep, and get over my immediate emotions.

I'm nit sure how long you've been on Wellbutrin, or what your dosage is, but I find it really makes me irritable. And it's a bit more difficult to fall asleep, and to have a deep sleep.

This is your health, and your life and your family. You have a right to be helped, but you need to learn to ask for it.

[kj44]

I am thinking Wellbutrin is not helping also, it kicks me right into manic, and severe agitation. Just my opinion though. Stay safe, talk to us, or your husband, don't hurt yourself.

[tnlibrarian]

My husband just called and we discussed the situation with one of us staying up. He thinks that if I could just get 3 or 4 nights of 8 hours or so of sleep I would do a lot better. I think he's right. We know sleep is extremely important when you're bipolar. He's barely staying awake during training today so I told him I would stay up with the baby. He told me absolutely not. The baby has screamed and cried nonstop today. He's teething so I suspect that's the problem. I gave him Tylenol and he fell asleep about 30 minutes after. I'm also going to do Oragel tonight. Hopefully that will prevent a repeat of last night.

I'm going to buy some Unisom today and see if taking it helps me sleep. All Benadryl seems to be doing is hyping me up and I would rather not take Dramamine to sleep. We need it for when people are sick. We'll see how tonight goes. If I'm still feeling bad tomorrow I'm defiently calling my psych and asking for a referal to the outpatient program.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Tnlibrarian,

Can family or friends help out with your youngest? Maybe family can take him for a few nights so you and your Husband can sleep and maybe restore some sense of routine?

Sorry things are rough right now

[roads]

I'm confused here on who sleeps when. You're going to stay up at night with the baby so hubby can sleep? So when do you sleep? Days? But who watches the baby days?

Yeah, I'm probably not paying attention. Sorry, Becca. If you do take Unisom, I'd suggest that you decide the max dose you're willing to take & take that the first time. For me (& others I know), after the initial tabs, further doses within the same 6-8 hrs aren't conducive to sleep; in face, they may push one into insomnia. & if you have any inclination to addiction, you may need to increase the dose every time if you use it more than once a week. Not guaranteed warnings, just things to be aware of.

Have you consider daycare for the baby? Could you sleep better then? I know you say he's a mama's boy, but he would survive it for a few days & be with you at night. Just trying to come up with something ...

[ladyjrnlist]

Well, you have a lot going on. That would make anyone have issues. Two young children, one just a baby? No wonder you feel so bad. And the sleep issue is definitely a problem bipolar or not! I can see how the stress of this situation would be affecting your condition. Do what you think is best for you and your family and stay safe!

[tnlibrarian]

I actually have three kids--ages 7, 4 and 3 months. Usually I stay up as long as necessary with the baby and have admittedly been running on as little as an hour of sleep per night for 3 months now. My husband didn't start insisting he stay up until I saw my doctor on Friday and she said I was defiently much worst than I have been. So as of right now my husband stays up so I can get some extra sleep. Generally the baby goes down between 11 and 12 and doesn't stir again until 6. We have teething and a growth spurt going on so he's having a rough time.

I used Unisom when I was pregnant so I know the effectiveness wears off with time. My husband and mother in law suggested a prescription sleep aid but I have to be able to get up if one of the kids gets sick during the night or needs me for some other reason. That's especially true for my middle one. She has a lot of stomach problems, including an ulcer that landed her in the hospital last summer, so it's not that unusual to wake up to her crying with an upset stomach or vomiting. She also has night terrors. At those times nobody except Mommy will do so I have to be sure I can get up. I also have to drive my oldest to school so I can't be too out of it in the mornings. I guess I'm between a rock and a hard place.

Sorry if I'm not making sense, BTW. My speech tends to get confused when the bipolar gets bad. I don't know why.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Becca,

Is there no way you can get support from your family and friends? Outside agencies? I am worried you will run yourself into a rut!

[tnlibrarian]

My mother in law helps when she can. The problem with her is she's addicted to pain killers and anti-anxiety drugs so there are times when she is so out of it she falls asleep during conversations--sometimes in the middle of a sentence--or says totally crazy stuff. For example, one time I called her because one of the kids was sick with a stomach bug and I needed to run out to get a prescription for Zofran that had been called in. She was totally doped up and told me to put them in my flower garden and then started laughing. I was just like, "Never mind...." She also complains if they laugh, giggle, talk a little too loud, pretend to be cars, argue, etc. Hello--the girls are 4 and 7. They do that kind of stuff. Siblings are always going to argue, especially as children.

There a few other people who have offered but I guess my pride keeps me from asking. I don't want people to think I can't handle things or am lazy. We can't afford to put the middle one in daycare while the oldest is at school and don't quality for any of the programs offered by outside agencies due to our income. I think I'm just going to have to say screw it, hand my husband the baby since he's willing to stay up and go to bed after the two oldest do. I'm heading toward being admitted to the hospital so fast it's not even funny.

[madisgram]

becca, imho opinion i'd suggest a psych appt. with your pdoc. you can print out your posts in your thread. it will help him to decide if you need a change in meds or to tweak the meds you are on. often times seeking the help we need rather than trying to wish it away-i used to do that and the result was going more downhill-is self defeating. then it took longer for me to get better.
glad you posted.