Song Lyrics explaining how one feels?

I am totally messed up, I hate everything and everbody, and life is not worth living. I'm not suicidal, well not yet but I just heard this song on the tube and actually listened to the lyrics, kinda explains my life to a T. I haven't been on meds or spoken with my T or Pdoc in 5 months because my job kinda doesn't allow it. I'm a trucker, but if I keep feeling this way I won't be trucking anymore, will need to find something a bit more stable. But I have to find a home first. I'm not about to do anything stupid, I'm at the point yet, and hopefully don't get there, but every lyric in this song is essentially me.

Does anybody else have songs that represent how they are feeling?

Anyways, Its Papa Roach "Last Resort"

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a **** if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a **** if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Who did me wrong
Who did me right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me in fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying

I can't go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a **** if I cut my arm bleeding
Who did me wrong
Who did me right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are dynamite
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying

I can't go on living this way
Can't go on
Living this way
Nothing's alright

Oh Chandler, you dear man, I feel quite a bit worse just having read those lyrics! It's been a while, it sounds like, since you had a good day. I was on the road for two yrs without a day off doing lights for various shows--it's not an easy life. And nobody told me no meds.

I spent a few days in Texas, in a dreary motel room, awaiting a fuel pump once. That was no fun either.

I'm really concerned about your living such a stressful lifestyle with all your health concerns that are largely going unmet. No therapist, no psychiatrist, not even a medical doctor! No SO, no stable home life. Of course you get lots of good, healthy sleep & food, right? Yep, I'm being sarcastic.

Please consider coming in off the road. I know this is a lousy time to be seeking new careers, but until you've gotten your health matters under control you need some stability that trucking doesn't allow. You need to take whatever medication your health requires. & what kind of personal relationships can you find trucking? You're a young man. You need a home. What happened to the Chef & Flight Attendant careers?

Sorry, I know I've been yakking at you like an ol' mama hen. I'm an old lady with no mothering instinct to speak of, but you seem to be needing a spot of mothering just now--pardon my saying so. And maybe cool it on that Papa Roach music for awhile.

Come post here anytime. PM me, & you've got friends here too I noticed. So come on, get the help you need. Make some plans to take care of you. You are worth it.

I know what you are saying. Unfortunetly, the Feds have made a Code of Federal Regulation that states no commercial motor carrier shall knowingly employ a person in a safety sensitive position (driver) that has any organic or psychiatric ailment that may interfere with the safe operation of a vehicle. Its FMCSR 391.41 subpart (9). SO I have had to keep my illnesses a secret. Not seeing a doctor or T on a regular basis is taking its toll.

I generally do not listen to music styles like Papa Roach, I'm more of an electronic fan, but I just happened to be scanning thru the channels in Champaign, IL last week when I heard it.

I don't have a home anymore, I sold everything I owned to keep food in my stomach while I was in between jobs. Gave up my apartment and relegated myself to living in this 75 sqft truck. Now that has kinda screwed me, as I have no-where to go.

I was layed off as a Flight Attendant in 2009 and still waiting to be recalled. My Chef life would be great if I wasn't in a mixed episode alot. I just couldnt handle the pressure or stress, being on meds possibly but I don't know. I'm also battling some physical issues that due to sanitary reasons may keep me out of the professional kitchen; I love to cook, I love to see people happy. Just wish I could be happy.

Being a trucker is the most dangerous and morbid careers out there. 1 in 7 drivers will die in an accident within the first 10 years. Those are not good odds, I don't have the facts on that statement, but that is what I have been told thru numerous companies and agencies.

It's a very stressful job, having to drive everyone else's vehicle also including your 75' articulating mammoth truck. I'm 28 and feel like I'm 60. Sucks. I know I need to move on and find a job that puts me in my own bed every night, but I've always been a gypsy, moved alot, lived in 11 states since 2002.

Anyways not to be a drag. But I'm a hurtin pretty good now.

(((Chandler)))

I've just got this little mental image of you sat alone in a hotel room somewhere. Trucking has always seemed a little bit of a lonely existence to me, especially in America, with those great big long roads you've got. That's to me, and I like loneliness more often than not.

I know the Papa Roach song, and I'm sorry you're feeling that way about things.

It's a shame you're over there and I'm over here, otherwise you could take up my spare room, and then my neighbour would leave me alone (he's a coward). Everyone wins!

Do you have any family who could help at all?

Hey Chandler, Hang in there... You're in a tough position, i've always had a job and been single mom of 3, but lately i'm considering some temporary disability just to somehow get my moods in order, find some helpful med combo, etc. Maybe temp disability could be an option for you. Just wishing you some peace, relief and happiness.

I write when I'm feeling really down, kind of like lyrics or poems. I've written some really heavy stuff too trying to process when i feel hate and anger, depression. I usually end up tearing it up cuz it's served it's purpose for me which is just to process the bad feelings.

Keep us posted in here. This is a good place to be able to say what we're feeling without worrying about what our families, bosses, will think about or judge us. I'm new here and it's been a helpful place.

chandler,

i am sorry to hear this time in your life is so hard. i hope you can find a different solution for making a living, and wanting to live in it. sounds like the trucking thing worked for a while but no longer fits your needs. wish i had a brilliant answer, but i do not.

i can, however, relate to your music expression. i'd be crippled if i didn't use song lyrics, melodies, all things music, to express myself. i find having a wide musical knowledge and taste is kin to the many and ever-changing moods that bipolar gives me. sometimes i affect which music i listen to dictated by my mood and sometimes music changes my mood. sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse...

it's comforting to hear lyrics that you can truly relate to. makes you know someone else might feel the way you do. so you're not so all alone as you might think. (i'm writing you but i mean me and anyone) whatever the emotion. sadness, happy, suicidal, pensive, homicidal, loving, lusting, apathy.....

i even created a word for this -"song-eeling" - haha. i blog about it on another website. i just stumbled upon another site that is kinda interesting (whatmusicmeans2me.com) where you can share songs and the emotions they provoke and read what others have written.

for me, i feel like **** today so i'm listening to amy winehouse sing standards(lioness: hidden treasures).

peace

I think being a trucker would be one of the hardest jobs! I know truckers have to follow really strict rules, I didn't know that about psychiatric illness. I know you can't be on insulin, and that's about it.

I have lots of songs that have lyrics that speak to me during my cycles. Music is very important to me. Sometimes the best thing for me, though, is to listen to a song that feels the way I want to feel instead of the way I do feel. It doesn't always work but sometimes worth a try.

Hopefully you can find a less stressful job. Until then take care of yourself as best you can!

(((((Chandler))))

I hope things get better for you!!!