[tnlibrarian]

I haven't had much sleep the past week--the longest stretch on a given night was 5 hours and the shortest was 2 hours. My youngest is teething, which can make it hard to get him to bed even with using Oragel baby and Tylenol. Now my oldest is sick as well as me and my husband with some respiratory virus that can have a stomach component to it. I'm supposed to increase my Seroquel to 50 mg--and badly need to--but I'm afraid to in case my oldest gets up vomiting or having trouble breathing during the night. She's complaining of nausea and has asthma so both are definite possibilities.

Last night I had truly frightening symptoms. I started hearing some voices and pretty much ignored it. Then they became so loud it was like they right next to my ear. It sounded like several people in a knock down, drag out fight. For the most part I couldn't make out what was being said but occasionally caught a curse word. When I went to bed, I would start seeing images of demons as soon as I started to really get to sleep. My eyes weren't open--it was like I was in a twilight sleep. When I would wake up, I would start hearing things again--people walking through the house, voices. This morning I was in the bathroom and heard a man's voice clearly saying "b****" . I haven't heard anything since and haven't seen anything. I'm also cycling like crazy and have a short fuse today.

Last night I was seriously considering driving myself to the psych hospital and checking myself in. Today I'm doing well enough that I don't think it's necessary. However, I know I'm sleep deprived and I need to increase the Seroquel tonight. I'm hoping if I'm up most of the night with a sick child (or two or three) things won't worsen too much and I'll get some sleep tomorrow. My husband has said he'll stay up with her but you know how that is--if they're sick usually only Mom will do. He did say I can sleep tomorrow if I can't tonight, which I'm hoping will help. My psych doctor is visiting family in India until January 3rd so I can't see her. My only option is to call mobile crisis or admit myself to the hospital. I REALLY don't want it to get to that point.

I'm not really looking for advice--just support. I hate the new symptom of hallucinations. They can be so frightening at times!

[dragonfly2]

Oh (((Becca))) I hope you are able to get some sleep tonight. I would seriously consider taking your husband up on his offer of letting you sleep tonight. Your daughter will be fine with him. If you had gone into the hospital, he would have been the one to be with her anyway, so I think you should take some time to sleep so hopefully you can avoid the hospital. But also know that if you need it, it sounds like the kids will be in good hands with your husband. But you're right. It's not Mom. But Mom needs sleep to be a good Mom.

I hope you're all feeling better soon.