[Justme_55]

My ex is bipolar, we have tried communicating for things to be perfectly fine then I'm instantly the worst person who's ever walked the earth and he wants nothing to do with me, to text me days later and say he thinks we belong together. Is this normal bi polar behavior? Or is it him as a person? He's so hot then cold, he can be so kind then so downright cruel. Anyone have any insight on his mind, moods? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

That's kind of a tough one. I have bipolar but I'm not a very hot or cold person, however that can be common with bipolar. As for the cruelness though, I would think that has more to do with individual personality.

[Confusedinomicon]

If he is your ex, he is your ex for a reason.

I was like that when I first started dating my current boyfriend, though. We used to break up multiple times a year, and then the next day get back together. When I was hospitalized a few years back he flew from his home state (we were long distance at the time) so we could officially break up in person. I couldn't do it and I'm glad. He's been open to helping me develop better self esteem and confidence in myself and my decisions in life. (Along w/my dad who is probably my best friend...xD)

Honestly, you should probably decide on staying with him or leaving him for good. I am sure this cannot be healthy. Cutting contact would be the best solution. (At least a month) Also removing items from your house/apartment that remind you of him. Otherwise try to communicate with him and express that you would like to be with him again??? I don't know. I feel like if you continue to do this dance with him you are only going to get more hurt.

[grandmaof3]

I guess it could be because he's bipolar. I'm bipolar and have treated my husband this way before I got on medication. I don't know why he stayed with me but I'm glad he did, I don't know what I'd do without him. My son is just like me but he won't go to a psychiatrist so he hasn't been diagnosed. He treats his girlfriend that way. I don't know if it's a behavior he learned from me or if its because he's bipolar. Is your ex on medication ?

[Justme_55]

Originally Posted by grandmaof3

I guess it could be because he's bipolar. I'm bipolar and have treated my husband this way before I got on medication. I don't know why he stayed with me but I'm glad he did, I don't know what I'd do without him. My son is just like me but he won't go to a psychiatrist so he hasn't been diagnosed. He treats his girlfriend that way. I don't know if it's a behavior he learned from me or if its because he's bipolar. Is your ex on medication ?

Yes he has been for years, he just got it switched to something different. I've told him we can never be together because he can't even treat me like a friend let alone a spouse. I've tried to be understanding and helpful and kind, for it to be twisted into something horrible and I get shut out by him. He makes me feel like a crap person for trying to help.

Well, I guess I would just add, that since he knows he has bipolar and he is receiving treatment, weather or not his problems with relationships and how he treats people is bipolar related or not, he is responsible for his actions. This something I am sure all us have to or have had to work on. So if he is not open to working on it, what can be done?

It sounds like you have really tried to be supportive, but for your own sake, if he does not want to change, then maybe it is best to cut contact. Otherwise as another poster said, you will continue to get hurt.

[nacht]

At some point there is only so much a person with bipolar can attribute to that as a cause. We are ultimately responsible for our choices. I know that I have hurt people with my actions in the past, and it will probably happen again, but it is something I am trying to change about myself.

If he is hurting you and refuses to change, that is his choice, but you don't have to put up with it.

[grandmaof3]

You shouldn't stay with someone who makes you feel like crap...but maybe offer to be his friend if he can treat you like one. Maybe he needs a med change and some extensive therapy. If he can't or won't try to change he should stay an ex.

[Confusedinomicon]

As long as the wounds are fresh, putting salt on them is not going to help your emotional state.

It's hard to be friends with someone who has broken your heart if you don't give yourself enough time to heal. There comes a point where you cannot shoulder their pain anymore and you have to move on to get out of the toxic environment.

[Jeskar]

My partners ex has bipolar an she is a very hot and cold person. One minute she's his best friend(when she wants something with the child done) the next if she dosn't get her way she flips did it last night.

I unfortunately have become a slight victim of this but as she's not got anything really to do with me.

She has tried to befriend me after only ignoring me the week before now two weeks after an last night events I'm giving up on her.

It could be different for different people. But no one deserves to be treated like that.

You should have a chat with him if children are involved or take it down to the basics. Yes you can have the child no you can't and leave the rest to the government eg:money.

If I'm totally off the mark with this I'd and there's no children involved. I would leave your past to your past.


I hope this helps

Originally Posted by Justme_55

My ex is bipolar, we have tried communicating for things to be perfectly fine then I'm instantly the worst person who's ever walked the earth and he wants nothing to do with me, to text me days later and say he thinks we belong together. Is this normal bi polar behavior? Or is it him as a person? He's so hot then cold, he can be so kind then so downright cruel. Anyone have any insight on his mind, moods? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

Hmmm. First thing that struck me was how much this sounded like "idealization/devaluation", which is a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder. From here on PC within the page: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/sym...lity-disorder/
"A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation"

I don't know if any of the other stuff rings true, and definitely not dx'ing, just that that's really common with BPD. There's not a lot of gray in how others are seen in relationships... great or horrible. And that evaluation can change in a flash. Some people have BPD, some BP, and some have both. It doesn't really matter, as he needs to work on it in therapy either way. If not, you will be hurt again and again. Established patterns of behavior don't just go away.

Personal feedback... I've got BP and this is NOT something I do. People I know - either I like them or I don't (or am indifferent), and it's consistent. No one has to wonder if I will like them or not on any given day. Of course people can do things that aren't nice and I don't like that, but it'd have to be a super big deal before I'd villify them. I'm hard pressed to even think of anyone I've known through the years that that's even happened with. Does this mean I've never exploded? No indeed. But it'll be about the situation. If I liked them, I don't suddenly hate them, I'm just really PO'd about whatever just happened, or they're frustrating the **** out of me, but that doesn't mean they've somehow suddenly become a villian, you know? I'm actually waaay more likely to verbally launch character assasination on strangers. Nice, eh? (Hey, never said I wasn't messed up in my own special ways...)

I don't run hot/cold. I run on/off. Lol. It's not about the relationship at all. (Does that make sense? Ie. no love/hate. It's all in the energy I have or don't to expend in the direction I already feel about them.)

[BuggsBunny]

I have to agree with this. I was thinking Borderline from the beginning, but didn't know if it was my place to speak up about it.

[AniManiac]

Originally Posted by BuggsBunny

I have to agree with this. I was thinking Borderline from the beginning, but didn't know if it was my place to speak up about it.

Yep, that was my immediate thought too. The black/white hot/cold behavior and cruelty are the main tip-offs.

People with BPD often have a really hard time maintaining stable relationships. People with bipolar don't necessarily have it easy with interpersonal matters, but a lot of us manage healthy long-term relationships just fine despite being on a moody rollercoaster.

[Justme_55]

He has told me he has other "issues" but I never probed, figuring if he wanted to share he would. After reading up on borderline it's making alot more sense then anything else. The disorder literally is a pendulum swinging from one side to the next with out a middle ground, which I know with bi polar a middle ground is difficult to find but can be achieved. Thank you everyone for all your insight and support, at this point it's up to me to start healing before the pengulum swings back and he's decided he wants to love me again, which is so painful, it's one side or the other never a sense of even ground. Letting go of love has never hurt so much. =( thank you all again.

[dazeofdolphins]

I am bipolar but I am not hot and cold with others. Sure, it could be the diagnosis or it could be a manifestation of his personality. Personally, it sounds more like borderline personality disorder than bipolar but don't quote me as it is only an impression. I have worked professionally with both diagnoses and it strikes me that it really is more of a personality disorder, maybe learned?, than bipolar. What I can say is that he can learn to control his behavior with the right help and motivation. The question is whether or not you want to ride this out with him bf/gf or not. I think the respect you have for yourself will ultimately guide how he manages his behavior around you. Good luck with your situation. You clearly deserve to be treated well.