anxious, paranoid, what?!

Hello,

So I'm wondering if anyone else even has an idea about what I'm experiencing. Here it goes:

Almost constant anxiety, I'm afraid of other people, like they want to rob me, assault me, or where it gets weird, put thoughts in my head, though I know that's not rational, I'm terrified. I can hold conversations or arguments with strangers but, I know I'm imagining it too.
When I hear my neighors laughing I assume it is about me even though I don't even know them. I stop what I'm doing to eaves drop despite knowing better.
I get deja vu and it makes me feel like the world is far away and I'm in some alternate reality where beings, god, doctors, other people, I don't know...are experimenting on me or that everything has happened before and life is a test and I panic.
Sometimes I worry I've died and gone to hell. I see faces in things I shouldn't like tree leaves, water stains and think it is a sign things are after me.
I hear my thoughts sometimes. Sometimes my thoughts are out of control, songs get stuck in my brain, scenerios that never happened play over and over and I have to tell myself over and over to calm down, it isn't real and my brain to shut up. My brain tortures me.
It is worst at night but not so bad I can't concentrate on other things. It does affect me at work but not to the extent that others notice easily.
I tried to tell my doctor but, I feel overwelmed and end up shutting down. I can't explain what it is like because it isn't real. It is my imagination and I feel like I'm being very stupid for bringing it up.

I totally understand where you're coming from. Everything you described here print out and take to your pdoc. It will get the needed conversation going and most likely a med adjustment. And no, you are not stupid for bringing it up.

This sounds like it could be early schizophrenia. The feeling that people have put thoughts in your head is a very common delusion among schizophrenics. Definitely bring it up with your pdoc. Many schizophrenics are initially misdiagnosed as bipolar (and vice verse). The good news is that you seem to have caught this early.

Do you have any symptoms of mania or depression currently? If so, you may indeed be bipolar rather than schizophrenic. Your pdoc still needs to know about these new symptoms, however. And the thought insertion delusion still has me very concerned.

It is also possible that you are schizoaffective, which is a psychotic disorder that includes mood symptoms. It has a better prognosis than schizophrenia.

I hope that you can get this sorted out soon, so you can start to feel better!