[spoiltmom]

I am 31 years old. Ever since I was 16 I've had depression but it's more than just depression. It's like I'm two different people. When I'm depressed I'm so freaking depressed but then when I feel good I feel really good.

I've tried tons of anti depressants and none of them seem to work that well. I seem to have 2-3 weeks where I'm extremely depressed and then I feel really good and energetic for a couple of weeks and then the cycle starts again. In August my PCP referred me to a psychologist b/c she felt like I had a form of bipolar disorder. I saw the Pdoc in August and he said no it's just a bad depression. I was on Wellbutrin and Prozac at the time. He swapped the Prozac for 10 mg of Lexapro and told me to keep taking the Wellbutrin. I saw him again in November and he increased the Lexapro to 20 mg and told me that he still felt it was just depression.

I saw him again 2 weeks ago and now he says he agrees with my PCP and he thinks I have a mild form of bipolar called Cyclothymia. He added Abilify to my Wellbutrin and Lexapro. He said Abilify had the least amount of side effects so that's what he starts with.

Anyway, I've been on the Abilify for 2 weeks now and I'm calm. I'm not depressed or down or sad I'm just calm. My mind isn't racing, I'm not nervous or anxious and I'm finally able to focus better.

Does that mean it's working and I do have a mild form of bipolar? I see him again in February.

As a side note, I also have anxiety attacks from an event that happened in my family a few years ago but I can't tell that it has made my mood cycles change at all aside from the occasional panic attack.

I'm so ready to feel like 1 normal person rather than having 2 personalities.

Can't offer any advice, but I feel like you do except the depression lasts much longer. I was just in a state for about a week where I felt ok & even my T noticed the change, but tonight I feel really depressed. I've also tried different meds including the names you've mentioned & nothing has helped. I told my T that I was thinking of getting back on meds because I didn't want the depression to get too far out of control, but I don't think she thinks I'm that worse off.

It's like she doesn't get that when I'm depressed I get to the point of suicidal ideation...just won't carry the thoughts out. I guess she sees that I'm capable of feeling ok, but I think that I do have some form of bipolar.

If you're feeling calm from the meds it could mean that they are actually working. Continue to take them as prescribed for awhile longer & then you can assess whether they are working for you or not. Take care of you!

[dragonfly2]

As I was reading your post, I saw visions of myself 12 years ago. I had suffered a miscarriage and went into a deep depression, one of many I had gone through since childhood. Well, I went to my primary doc and she gave me Paxil. This was in January. Over the next 10 months I went through a predictable cycle. I'd feel depressed, then angry/agitated, then really really good, then sort of "normal", then back into the depression. We thought that the depression and agitation were signs that the Paxil wasn't quite working, but then the mania and normal periods would lead us to believe it was working to some extent, so we kept increasing the dosage. Well, the cycles became stronger and stronger and faster and faster until I finally crashed into disability in October. Surprise! I was bipolar. Once we seriously considered that diagnosis and I looked back on my history, I could see it. I had never had a rip-roaring, floridly manic, ambulance ride to the hospital manic episode before, but my mild to moderately elevated periods were definitely mania. Problem then was that, another surprise, I was also pregnant (can you say "hypersexuality"? lol) and couldn't go on a mood stabilizer. Even after stopping the Paxil, the damage had been done and I continued to rapid cycle throughout the entire pregnancy.

So, yes...it could certainly be the correct diagnosis for you. If the Abilify is working, go with it. I would take a good look back to see if you can remember any time in your life when you seemed either happier or more agitated than usual and some of the behaviors or problems it may have caused you over the years. You might be surprised at what you find.

[spoiltmom]

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

As I was reading your post, I saw visions of myself 12 years ago. I had suffered a miscarriage and went into a deep depression, one of many I had gone through since childhood. Well, I went to my primary doc and she gave me Paxil. This was in January. Over the next 10 months I went through a predictable cycle. I'd feel depressed, then angry/agitated, then really really good, then sort of "normal", then back into the depression. We thought that the depression and agitation were signs that the Paxil wasn't quite working, but then the mania and normal periods would lead us to believe it was working to some extent, so we kept increasing the dosage. Well, the cycles became stronger and stronger and faster and faster until I finally crashed into disability in October. Surprise! I was bipolar. Once we seriously considered that diagnosis and I looked back on my history, I could see it. I had never had a rip-roaring, floridly manic, ambulance ride to the hospital manic episode before, but my mild to moderately elevated periods were definitely mania. Problem then was that, another surprise, I was also pregnant (can you say "hypersexuality"? lol) and couldn't go on a mood stabilizer. Even after stopping the Paxil, the damage had been done and I continued to rapid cycle throughout the entire pregnancy.

So, yes...it could certainly be the correct diagnosis for you. If the Abilify is working, go with it. I would take a good look back to see if you can remember any time in your life when you seemed either happier or more agitated than usual and some of the behaviors or problems it may have caused you over the years. You might be surprised at what you find.

Thanks!! Actually your the same as me I think, we thought my antidepressants weren't working but like you say, I'd have a couple weeks where I felt good so we thought they were working. What a roller coaster! Are you Bipolar I or II??

It's quite a household I live in. Apparently I'm bipolar, then my 5 year old and 11 year old have ADHD. It gets interesting here

[cool09]

If your focus is better that's a very good sign that your mood is smoothing out or getting better. I've had problems since 14 and I have long periods of extreme irritability and/or agitation and I have to watch everything that I do.
Why would someone refer you to a psychologist if he/she thinks you are BP? He/she should have referred you to a psych Dr. I can not focus or organize my thoughts well and been on disability for seven years cause I can't get a grip on this. Tried everything. Had a brief period where symptoms decreased and that was on paxil then it sort of wore off after 3 yrs or so.
Lots of Docs avoid anti-depressants with BP sufferers because they can cause mania. Studies show that about 20% of BP patients treated with anti-depressants develop manic symptoms. My doctors have avoided them for the most part and when I talked a Dr. into giving me lexapro or celexa or some other anti-depressant I usually developed extreme agitation. But I tolerate effexor well right now, lithium and lamictal do nothing for me. Prozac made me hypomanic.
Good concentration is a very good sign.

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by spoiltmom

Thanks!! Actually your the same as me I think, we thought my antidepressants weren't working but like you say, I'd have a couple weeks where I felt good so we thought they were working. What a roller coaster! Are you Bipolar I or II??

Bipolar I

It's quite a household I live in. Apparently I'm bipolar, then my 5 year old and 11 year old have ADHD. It gets interesting here

Oh, do I hear you there!

I've got BP1, my husband, we're realizing now, probably has a 'soft" form of bipolar along with ADD, my older daughter has Asperger Syndrome, ADD, and a mild bipolar and my younger daughter seems to be following suit with the mild bipolar. My husband and younger daughter both fall into winter depressions followed by ramping up in the spring. His elevated periods are agitated and aggressive, whereas my daughter's are happy and giddy in nature. They're definitely different from their normal moods during the rest of the year and this has happened year after year. I haven't seen any pattern to my older daughter's hypomanias, but she also gets the winter depressions. All three of them have been using a light box this winter.

I, on the other hand, can be all over the place, with no rhyme or reason. Suicidal in July, manic in November and January, depressed again in March, up in May, etc, etc. I had my first hospitalization when I was 14 and can remember being depressed as young as seven. I was finally correctly diagnosed when I was 30.

[Rosie23]

Originally Posted by spoiltmom

I am 31 years old. Ever since I was 16 I've had depression but it's more than just depression. It's like I'm two different people. When I'm depressed I'm so freaking depressed but then when I feel good I feel really good.

I've tried tons of anti depressants and none of them seem to work that well. I seem to have 2-3 weeks where I'm extremely depressed and then I feel really good and energetic for a couple of weeks and then the cycle starts again. In August my PCP referred me to a psychologist b/c she felt like I had a form of bipolar disorder. I saw the Pdoc in August and he said no it's just a bad depression. I was on Wellbutrin and Prozac at the time. He swapped the Prozac for 10 mg of Lexapro and told me to keep taking the Wellbutrin. I saw him again in November and he increased the Lexapro to 20 mg and told me that he still felt it was just depression.

I saw him again 2 weeks ago and now he says he agrees with my PCP and he thinks I have a mild form of bipolar called Cyclothymia. He added Abilify to my Wellbutrin and Lexapro. He said Abilify had the least amount of side effects so that's what he starts with.

Anyway, I've been on the Abilify for 2 weeks now and I'm calm. I'm not depressed or down or sad I'm just calm. My mind isn't racing, I'm not nervous or anxious and I'm finally able to focus better.

Does that mean it's working and I do have a mild form of bipolar? I see him again in February.

As a side note, I also have anxiety attacks from an event that happened in my family a few years ago but I can't tell that it has made my mood cycles change at all aside from the occasional panic attack.

I'm so ready to feel like 1 normal person rather than having 2 personalities.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that because a particular medicine is making you feel better that it means you have bipolar or anything else.
Everyone on here takes all kinds of medication. The important thing is that you feel better.
But I do understand that odd sense of "normal" and whether or not you can trust it.

[New Gel]

It sounds like the medication is working the way that it should.

That is a good thing!

[spoiltmom]

Thanks everyone! I feel so much better on the Abilify. My only issue is I'm so hungry. A few days after I started it I started getting really hungry and I've been that way every day. I'm watching my calories so I don't over do it but will the hunger eventually go away or is it not even related and just a coincidence?

I'm not craving sugar or carbs or anything like that I just feel like I could eat a house at every meal.

[spoiltmom]

Oh and I don't know why I said psychologist in my first post. I'm seeing a Psychiatrist, not Psychologist.

[dazeofdolphins]

Be careful about taking anti-depressants if you are bipolar as they often trigger mania. Abilify is truly a miracle drug but be careful of 3 side effects: TD, NMS, and Akathisia. Akathesia is the most common and it is hard to live with: uncontrollable movements and all-out body thrashing for up to an hour at a time. TD is dangerous as it can become permanent. NMS is rare but is deadly. Having now sufficiently scared you, let me say that I loved being on Abilify as it was a miracle drug for me. I did have to stop because of the Akathisia, which was upsetting since the drug really works well. All I am saying is to stay in close connunication with your doc and report any and all symptoms. You may be one of the lucky ones that can tolerate this exceptional medication. Good luck and enjoy your relief!

Originally Posted by spoiltmom

I am 31 years old. EVver since I was 16 I've had depression but it's more than just depression. It's like I'm two different people. When I'm depressed I'm so freaking depressed but then when I feel good I feel really good.

I've tried tons of anti depressants and none of them seem to work that well. I seem to have 2-3 weeks where I'm extremely depressed and then I feel really good and energetic for a couple of weeks and then the cycle starts again. In August my PCP referred me to a psychologist b/c she felt like I had a form of bipolar disorder. I saw the Pdoc in August and he said no it's just a bad depression. I was on Wellbutrin and Prozac at the time. He swapped the Prozac for 10 mg of Lexapro and told me to keep taking the Wellbutrin. I saw him again in November and he increased the Lexapro to 20 mg and told me that he still felt it was just depression.

I saw him again 2 weeks ago and now he says he agrees with my PCP and he thinks I have a mild form of bipolar called Cyclothymia. He added Abilify to my Wellbutrin and Lexapro. He said Abilify had the least amount of side effects so that's what he starts with.

Anyway, I've been on the Abilify for 2 weeks now and I'm calm. I'm not depressed or down or sad I'm just calm. My mind isn't racing, I'm not nervous or anxious and I'm finally able to focus better.

Does that mean it's working and I do have a mild form of bipolar? I see him again in February.

As a side note, I also have anxiety attacks from an event that happened in my family a few years ago but I can't tell that it has made my mood cycles change at all aside from the occasional panic attack.

I'm so ready to feel like 1 normal person rather than having 2 personalities.

[spoiltmom]

Originally Posted by dazeofdolphins

Be careful about taking anti-depressants if you are bipolar as they often trigger mania. Abilify is truly a miracle drug but be careful of 3 side effects: TD, NMS, and Akathisia. Akathesia is the most common and it is hard to live with: uncontrollable movements and all-out body thrashing for up to an hour at a time. TD is dangerous as it can become permanent. NMS is rare but is deadly. Having now sufficiently scared you, let me say that I loved being on Abilify as it was a miracle drug for me. I did have to stop because of the Akathisia, which was upsetting since the drug really works well. All I am saying is to stay in close connunication with your doc and report any and all symptoms. You may be one of the lucky ones that can tolerate this exceptional medication. Good luck and enjoy your relief!

Thanks! Did you feel excessively hungry when you took it??