[tnlibrarian]

My husband and I are having financial issues and he's unhappy with his job. I understand he's frustrated. I really do. However, I'm in this too and I'm frustrated. I used to be able to talk to him. However, now he gets mad if I even say I'm tired. He admits that I am not a complainer but yet the last time he knew I was tired he yelled at me for not being in bed at midnight. I was so mad I barely spoke to him the next day because he talked to me like I was one of the kids. It infuriates me when I am spoken to that way. It is totally degrading and frustrating.

I was talking to our priest, who is also a good friend, but he told me that he couldn't help us and we needed to see a marriage counselor if we were having problems. He said we needed to talk to someone who is unbiased and not personally involved. That combined with the way he hugged me at one time has made DH a bit uncomfortable. He put his hand on one cheek and pressed his cheek against the other one. I told him he didn't mean anything by it but he seems uncomfortable with it.

There are other people I could talk to but it's just so hard for me to talk to someone about stuff this private. Is that a bipolar thing? Or just me?

It's a human being thing, not a bipolar thing.

I have found that, in the long run, it doesn't really matter if you have anyone to talk to. When I was younger, I had about ten people I knew whom I could completely indulge my thoughts with. Whenever I had any problem, I would sit on the end of the couch and start thoroughly battering them with wave after wave. The feeling of getting it off your chest is amazing, right? The weightlessness would last about 10-20 minutes. With time, the problem would get solved and I would feel better.

Later, I would have no friends, but my problems were arguably more severe. I would pace around the house or write myself emails. The stress pinched a bit more without having an outlet, but when I thought about it, the only thing being withheld were the 10-20 minutes of solidarity I would feel by sharing it with someone else. With time, the problem would get solved and I would feel better.

After much thought, I realized that the problem getting solved is the most important thing. That's the best drug. As soon as you have a problem, solve it as quickly as possible. If it involves another person, have a conversation as quickly as possible. Of the things you can solve, of course. With the things you can't solve, I find that porn and food to be my best options.

[~Christina]

Becca ..Im sorry your going thru this and feeling alone to boot

Your not alone with having a spouse that doesnt really want to or cant listen and really hear you ... my husband and i are dealing with finacial issues and me out of work and hes out on workers comp and we are having to sue his employer so needless to say the stress level is ridiculous ... he cant always be there for me when it comes to talking about my struggle with bipolar .. its not that he doesnt care hes just snowed under with stress and i often feel like im just one more burden for him to " deal with" we both just decided that we would just " be kinder " to eachother and not force issues .. kinda both go to our own corner and rest ... it was the best decision we have ever made .. it literally saved our marriage .. we both have " recovered " we stopped blaming each other for everything ..

Some days im upset that he didnt want to hear about my bipolar today or this week ,, but i know now that if i reallllllllllyyyyyy need him to listen he will and i will for him also .. but sometimes everyone needs a break ..

Hope that helps you even a little
(((((((Hugs)))))))

[argv]

Originally Posted by tnlibrarian

My husband and I are having financial issues and he's unhappy with his job. I understand he's frustrated. I really do. However, I'm in this too and I'm frustrated. I used to be able to talk to him. However, now he gets mad if I even say I'm tired. He admits that I am not a complainer but yet the last time he knew I was tired he yelled at me for not being in bed at midnight. I was so mad I barely spoke to him the next day because he talked to me like I was one of the kids. It infuriates me when I am spoken to that way. It is totally degrading and frustrating.

I was talking to our priest, who is also a good friend, but he told me that he couldn't help us and we needed to see a marriage counselor if we were having problems. He said we needed to talk to someone who is unbiased and not personally involved. That combined with the way he hugged me at one time has made DH a bit uncomfortable. He put his hand on one cheek and pressed his cheek against the other one. I told him he didn't mean anything by it but he seems uncomfortable with it.

There are other people I could talk to but it's just so hard for me to talk to someone about stuff this private. Is that a bipolar thing? Or just me?

That's why I come here. I think bipolar problems differ quite a bit from 'normal' problems, or 'normal people' problems. I've found that I really just piss most of my friends off when I'm constantly preaching at them or inadvertently calling them stupid, even if I do think most humans are stupid.

Anyways, that being said, I try to remember that everyone has their own problems, and human nature is that "my problem is bigger than yours". That's only because it's the only problem they know. My hangnail is more important to me, than your migraine. (not literally, but figuratively) I can say I'm sorry you have a migraine, but not much else..

I don't even know where I'm going with this, except that bipolar comes with it's own set of problems and issues, on top of all the other stuff life throws at you. People that don't understand what it's like to have, cannot grasp that by the time I say "I'm tired" it's much more than just "being tired". I just wish others could see inside my brain sometimes and all the frigging thoughts that go through, and how busy it is. It's like a CPU on a computer.. when it does calculations all the time, it warms up, sometimes getting very hot. I don't see our brains as being much different.

[Rosie23]

Finances can put a huge strain on any marriage.

My thought was that your husband is way more overwhelmed by this than possibly he lets on.
I know I snap at the little stuff real hard when I have something else big bothering me.

I do that because I would love to blow my top over the big thing and I can't or it will make bad matters worse. So I end up holding it all in. But it comes out in spurts over stupid stuff. Which doesn't really help because it is directed at the wrong thing.

I hope you and your husband can work it out.