[venusss]

Lot happened lately, which I don't want to go into detail here.

I am trying to find my calm. But at the moment I am looking for places in Pristina, Republic of Kosovo (because I wanna write a book on nation building. Should be writting my MA thesis and not thinking other crazy ideas, but oh, well).

I feel urge to do something to you know feel alive. Feel like escaping for a while somewhere.... anywhere. I feel like staying here... something could happen. But I know I cannot randomly run at the moment. I have my duties here and stuff... but i need to find my peace. Maybe I'd find it in Pristina. Or somewhere "raw".

Trying to relax and force myself to focus, but mind is just not in there. THings seem oddly absurd. Like Kafka's novel or Havel's theater drama.

[venusss]

Gaaaah.

Time space continuum does not make sense. Maybe it is not so in reality. In methodology we learned that no theory can be truly proven, because one time it may go wrong. HA! I wonder how many of us in the class are half-expecting the sun rise in the west tomorrow. It's funny how one hears such things when in particular state of mind. Feels like an omen.... only I don't really want this particular prof to be my light-carrier and this is a standard line on my school. Everything is relative, ya'll. Maybe even all the things we take for granted.... but how could we live without having things to cling to? Feels insecure.

Gawd, I am rambling here.

I really wish I could just take week off and ponder with my thoughts.... I really really do.

[AniManiac]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

Gaaaah.

Time space continuum does not make sense. Maybe it is not so in reality. In methodology we learned that no theory can be truly proven, because one time it may go wrong. HA! I wonder how many of us in the class are half-expecting the sun rise in the west tomorrow. It's funny how one hears such things when in particular state of mind. Feels like an omen.... only I don't really want this particular prof to be my light-carrier and this is a standard line on my school. Everything is relative, ya'll. Maybe even all the things we take for granted.... but how could we live without having things to cling to? Feels insecure.

Gawd, I am rambling here.

I really wish I could just take week off and ponder with my thoughts.... I really really do.

Truth is relative, right? There's an epistemology called relativism, I rather like it.

It definitely makes me insecure to think about living without the things I most rely on and take for granted. I try not to take anything for granted but worrying about losing them only gets me wound up and freaked out, so it's healthier for me to trust that I will not lose those things but consciously work to make sure the critical stuff doesn't fall apart - mostly my marriage, my work, and my health.

I know what you mean about wishing to take some time to ponder. I feel like I spend too much time just reacting and trying to keep up.

[venusss]

My family seems to be in shambles

I have this reoccuring nightmare in which I "realize" that the whole world does not exist... This is my reoccuring theme. Deconstructing to the core... wondering about how much real everything is, or if that is some sort of distraction..... *shrugs*

[Confusedinomicon]

Love you, Venus<33333

((HUGS))

I don't really have anything intelligent to add to the conversation. I hope you pull through!<3

[Rosie23]

I kinda like the part about escaping somewhere. A warm beach would be it.
I find the ocean very soothing. I just completely relax at the beach.

My preoccupation with philosophy often drives me to delirium, wondering if the world around me exists. Wondering if time is actually based in reality or just in numbers to conceive a reality. If you're interested in the Western vs. Eastern concepts of time, read "The Yoga of Time Travel" by Dr. Fred Alan Wolf. It's really enlightening!

Lately, I'm not sure whether it is apathy or genuine comfort that allows me not to agonize over everyone else's concept of reality anymore... I've spent so long being preoccupied that there was nowhere to place my feet & I was falling off of the deep end. Oftentimes, it's just because I was thinking about being in an abyss & no one else was to know that feeling. Truly, though? Everyone is in the same state of unreality, just most people are too deluded to realize it. They actually think measuring systems mean something other than just that: To measure what little we can to impose stability in a chaotic universe.

Quantum physics itself states that everything is just energy & mostly empty space, vibrating at different frequencies to visually express itself as different things. Or to aurally express itself as different sounds. Different scents, different textures, different tastes. But if you meditate about it-- Breaking everything down to its ultimately empty & chaotic nature, it can be exhilirating. Scary at first, but there's a peace in it because every possibility lies in chaos & random chance.

With this in mind, we get to pick & choose our reality. Realize everything comes to us as long as we impose it with our own views of the nature of this energy. If we think the universe is a hostile place, we will be greeted with the hostility we think is there. It's all about perception. Just because it's empty & uncertain doesn't mean it can't be fulfilling & satisfying... There is no rule saying that except for your own.

Sorry for getting too philosophical here. Perhaps it helps, perhaps it doesn't. Just enjoy yourself & take it as it comes.