[missmorganxo]

So, I've had two miscarriages in the past. My husband and I got like, 5 dark positive pregnancy tests in the last 5 days. I was SO excited. My Mom & Grandma bought me some baby books and I had got my hopes up so high. My first doctor app. was tomorrow. On top of everything else, I'm on lithium and seroquel which I knew was dangerous. So, I was going to call my pdoc tomorrow first thing.

Anyway, I woke up today in stomach pain, and went to the bathroom, and was bleeding huge blood clots. Sorry for the tmi.

Since then, I've been like crying hysterically...throwing things...just freaking out. To top it off, my husband basically said get over it. I don't even know if I want to put up with him anymore, he doesn't treat me right.

So, I'm dealing with all of this alone. My religion and faith is the only thing keeping me from killing myself. I literally googled/looked in the bible for scriptures about how God feels about suicide. If I didn't think I'd go to hell, I'd just do it. I'm done.

But no, I have to just keep dealing with life. I HATE having to continue on. My heart is broken. I'll never have a baby, I'll never be with a good guy.

I just need some words of comfort.

It's 3:00pm, I just want to take my seroquel, it calms me. But it'll put me to sleep. Ughhh. I'm devastated.

[notablackbarbie]

Originally Posted by missmorganxo

So, I've had two miscarriages in the past. My husband and I got like, 5 dark positive pregnancy tests in the last 5 days. I was SO excited. My Mom & Grandma bought me some baby books and I had got my hopes up so high. My first doctor app. was tomorrow. On top of everything else, I'm on lithium and seroquel which I knew was dangerous. So, I was going to call my pdoc tomorrow first thing.

Anyway, I woke up today in stomach pain, and went to the bathroom, and was bleeding huge blood clots. Sorry for the tmi.

Since then, I've been like crying hysterically...throwing things...just freaking out. To top it off, my husband basically said get over it. I don't even know if I want to put up with him anymore, he doesn't treat me right.

So, I'm dealing with all of this alone. My religion and faith is the only thing keeping me from killing myself. I literally googled/looked in the bible for scriptures about how God feels about suicide. If I didn't think I'd go to hell, I'd just do it. I'm done.

But no, I have to just keep dealing with life. I HATE having to continue on. My heart is broken. I'll never have a baby, I'll never be with a good guy.

I just need some words of comfort.

It's 3:00pm, I just want to take my seroquel, it calms me. But it'll put me to sleep. Ughhh. I'm devastated.

(((missmorganxo)))

I am so sorry this happened to you. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. I'm sorry i don't have specific experience with this, but hope you do have a safe space/time to deal with all of the feelings (not just push them aside as your husband seems to be doing)..

Who could you contact in real life to support you and hear you out? I hope you are also able to get help when you see your doctor tommorow. Again more gentle to you...

[missmorganxo]

Sorry about the TMI in the first post. I literally have no one else to talk to & no where else to turn. You guys are the only support system I seem to have anymore, besides my counselors. ):

[missmorganxo]

Thank you. I see my counselor Tuesday, and pdoc on Friday. I think I can wait til Tuesday, I have my Mother for support but she doesn't know how to handle it. She's had 8 miscarriages so she knows how much it hurts, but knows there is nothing anyone can say to help.

Thank you for your support and kindness.

[notablackbarbie]

missmorganxo...you don't have to apologize for this...you are processing and dealing with a lot right now...

Is it possible to get more testing done by your doctor to see what is causing the miscarriages? There could be a number of reasons...you don't have to blame yourself at this time. I am truly sorry you are dealing with this right now; take all the time you need to be gentle with YOU. I'll keep you in my prayers too.

[missmorganxo]

I had some testing done after my second miscarriage, but they said they couldn't find anything wrong and I had bad "luck." But, if I had a third miscarriage, something really might be wrong.

I'm just so drained, I give up.
Thank you for the support.

[missmorganxo]

So, update....... my bleeding stopped, now it's just spotting. I went out and bought two different brands of tests, I took both.... STILL dark positive.

No cramping... I don't know what to think.

I'm calling a doctor first thing in the morning!

[Moose72]

It might be that you're still pregnant. I've heard of people bleeding and going on to deliver. It might be that hormone is still in your body. Will they dO an ultrasound?

[Secretum]

I really hope that you still are pregnant. I know that you really want a baby. I just want to point out something obvious that could bring you hope. You said that your mother had 8 miscarriages, and yet you still exist! So it is still possible that you will be a mother. None of us know God's plan until He reveals it to us. I'll be praying for you. Please hold on.

[tnlibrarian]

I'm so sorry! I had two miscarriages--one at around 6 weeks and one at 12. I know it's totally devestating. My advice would be to call the psych doctor first thing in the morning, tell her what's going on and see if she can give you something to help with anxiety. The next thing is to go to your appointment and make sure you have indeed miscarried. Not to give false hope--but I had the same kind of bleeding early on with my oldest. You need to make sure that is indeed what has happened. If it hasn't (and there is a chance it hasn't) your OB and psych need to discuss your treatment plan. I took Wellbutrin and Lamictal with my last pregnancy and David is fine. Also, if I'm not mistake Lithum is considered to be one of the safer drugs to take during pregnancy. I'm on Seroquel but I have no idea what risks are associated with pregnancy.

As far as your husband goes--if he treats you badly and seriously doesn't care that you may have miscarried I would have a long talk with him, express how I feel and go from there. He sounds like a jerk if that was what he said.

KUP and let us know how you are doing. If you are truly suicidal PLEASE go to the ER. Seek help. If you go tell them that you got a positive pregnancy test--they will do an ultrasound and blood tests to see what's going on. Feel free to message me if you need to talk.