[lad007]

Did not sleep for 6 weeks, did not eat much, did not believe the mania was coming, but knew inside that it would. I held it in my heart, and cherished it, as it came on like a freight train.
I knew I held the power that would bring others to their knees, the wit, the physical beauty, the charm, the ability to talk everyone into everything. The smile that will light up a room, and turn negativity into something magical. The power to change the world.
It is a rare gift that we have.
With that gift comes sleepless nights, with voices in the ear, shadows of people that we know or have known leaning over us, and whispering our names.
Feeling hungry but nothing ever looks good, things smell weird and disgusting when we try to buy and then cook them.
So why do I cherish this mania, become irritable with those who love me, and try to help me?
I do not know, but for some reason it is comfortable to me, and makes me feel set apart.
The Pdoc increased the meds, sleep has come back, my family is relieved, yet a part of me longs for it, and misses it.
It is part of me, and more meds have taken it away.
Blessing to all my bp comrades who have taken the time to read this, as we take this journey together.

[Towanda]

I know what you mean Lad. I used to feel incredibly powerful and creative when I was manic and I kind of miss it. But I certainly don't miss the havoc and destruction that followed

[John_Galt]

Your post was well written Lad. I felt it was a call to a "brother in arms." I too crave that almost invincible feeling. I feel like my meds have taken part of my being away. I know the toll mania has taken on my family and friends, but to feel that without the damage... that would be something. To resist the draw to mania is the hardest thing I have ever done. But as you said it is our journey to take together.

[greylove]

Wow......I'm always surprised and relieved to learn it wasn't just me. I had my first bout of mania a couple of years ago; late in life and very severe. All that you described with yours', lad, could have been written by me. The mania was amazing......at least the good parts, but the sheer craziness I exhibited at the same time makes me wonder how I survived. Hmmmm......the mania without the path of destruction.....interesting. That could work for me.