i can't figure him out help

Hi all.
I about 8 months ago became friends with a guy,artist, via net, we became really good friends we shared alot i really liked him.
he told me from the first he's the type of person who doesn't ask what he wants. he's afraid what others may say.
and he said he isn't good at relationships because he treats girls like boys and i said i have no problem with that.i don't like girlish stuff anyways.

anyways before we met eachother i said maybe i can ask him out and he said no he doesn't want a relationship.he's just not ready and doesn't have the energy.

also he said he has never been in love.

we met a couple of times it was really good, he actually gave me some really cool stuff and bought me cute things.

we talked practically every day for some hours.
at first it wasn't that obvious he wouldn't mind but he wouldn't let me say i miss him .he said he wants to suppress his feelings.no answer to why.

but after a while he just said he doesn't feel right and he didn't talk to me much.I knew he used Fluvoxamine 100 and mostly haloperidol but i never asked what for.
anyway i about read depression and bipolar,and thought its just an episode and i was supportive and just asked him every once in a while to see eachother that he refused.

after awhile he got better he was more social but he added some girls just to flirt and i got sad and i told him about it.he said hes not ready and it shouldn't stop him from having sex..but nothing will happen.

and after he said if he wants any relationship it will be with me.that was a month ago.

some weeks after he got worse,avoided me, it was like he's adding any b**** and just wants to make me sad...i told him and i got sad and he said he doesn't like to give any explanation to anybody ,talked very mean.

i said i don't want any but its just makes me sad because i like him more than friends.and he said sorry he has changed his mind and he prefers bad and slutty girls now.and he doesn't want to date me nor see me again there's no point in seeing.we don't match.and he doesn't want to let anyone get close to him.

anyway it broke my heart he said we can be cyber friends and with no talking about emotions but i couldn't do it.
it seems that now he isn't flirting that much anymore...

is there any mental disease that a person will act like this?didn't he like me or just changed his mind?
he mentioned sth about bipolar but he said its just what he thinks he may have.but the drugs were prescribed for sth i didn't ask what.

I don't know that any of this is a mental illness, sometimes it boils down to personality as well. We are all still people and even if you have a mental illness like bipolar, we all just don't act alike.

Sound alike this guy does have issues tho. Not wanting to ever offer anyone an explanation for anything~ while we don't owe people explanations, it is a part of communication. Honestly sad to say, but it sounds like you are probably better off without this guy. It doesn't sound like he really has anyone's interests in mind besides his own. That doesn't make good relationship material. As a relationship is about both people involved not just one.

I think if I were you I would just focus on moving on, and finding someone who is a better fit, an actually wants a relationship~ since that's what you want. I'd not worry over if this is a mental illness or not. That's not something anyone cam answer, and even if he does have a mental illness, personality and personal traits still play a large role, just like anyone else.

I wish you the best!

It doesnt sound like he knows what he wants...He flip-flops and is wishy-washy...I know that rejection hurts What has worked for me in the past is to chalk it up to experience...live and learn. What u start off with in a relationship is what u get and ppl dont change unless they want to..Look at the bright side, at least u know what he is like now instead of finding out years later..Everything will be just fine, sweetie. One day u will run across someone who wants what u want.

is there any mental disease that a person will act like this?
I don't know if there's a mental illness. I do know in the past I have pushed good people away because I didn't want to hurt them more. My motto was Fiona apples- fast as you can song. My suggestion is stay clear of this guy because he's not currently stable and doesn't seem to currently be trying to get there.
didn't he like me or just changed his mind? I can't answer that

I'm sorry, but it doesn't sound like he is stringing you along at all. He sounds to have stayed consistant to everything he has told you. Bipolar doesn't make people mean, maybe desperate and out of control, but that doesn't sound like what he is doing. He keeps warning you off, so if you see something in him that he doesn't then I wish you luck! That's a hard road to travel.

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so you think i'm the one that made a mistake? i have feelings for him and i can't hide them. he wants me to be quiet and a regular non emotional friend, but i can't do it. and i think asking me to be is mean .i can't watch him all flirty and saying mean things to me and changing his mind all the time.

No, sounds like he's making mistakes as well if he is telling you one thing and then acting another way and back and forth. That's pretty confusing for someone. He knows you have real feelings, He could have acted with more integrity and care, been more clear and string you along by having his actions match his words. He could have cut ties when he realized you wanted more, but people don't always do that. Maybe it's because he's confused a bit too. He does sound like he's having issues of his own.

I think to keep trying with someone who clearly doesn't want what you want, that would be a mistake. It's hard to want something and not get it, but there is usually a reason why we don't always get what we want. Sometimes it's because it just isn't right for us.

You P.M.'d me and asked me to respond so I will. As far as having similar thoughts to him, well... I just kinda get what he's doing. So I will elaborate for you what I see:

First off, in reading your entire post you never once gave one example of him asking anything of you. He was the one setting limitations. He actually stayed very true to his word and it didn't look like he was hiding how he felt from you. He said very straight out what it was that he needed. BUT... what he did do is agree to meet up with you, and he even was extrememly kind when he did. Things appeared to start to develop and that's when he started avoiding you and seeing those other girls. He must have thought you would be out of there. But you stayed.

I really don't see this as confusing. Maybe your right. Maybe I have similar thoughts as he does. I see this as someone who knows they can't handle a relationship. He told you from the beginning, but he tried anyways. It seems obvious to me that after meeting you, and trying that it got too much for him. It seems he can't handle it for whatever reason. He is trying to get you to be 'safe' for him. He has no problem with mindless sex with other girls. But there is no commitment to those girls. He doesn't want you to say you miss him or to get too deep with him. Once again not having a commitment, or should I say a strong attachment.

I believe that he is trying to make you safe for him. That's why he has all of those crazy requests. That's why he says not to say you miss him. Not to get too emotional. He has been consistent with his requests, and then he pulled away.

After reading up on the meds he is on, and the way he is reacting... I would think that whatever he is being treated for is causing him to feel almost worthless. A fear of rejection too. Tourettes syndrome, bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia and/or Shcizoaffective disorder bipolar type. I'm sure there are more that are treated by that combination.

Well that's whats in my head. I was only pointing out that he is not stringing you along in my original post. I'm sorry that this is happening with someone you have these strong feelings for. You can't fix him though. He is on anti psychotics for a reason. I am on those too. My wife can't fix me either.

thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me,
I get what you mean but why did he tell me that if he wanted a relationship it would be with me?and then after he said "he has changed his mind and even seeing eachother is worthless he likes bad girls"?
and my second problem was I was listening to him i didn't say i miss him or anything like that again,but when he started to flirt with other girls ,it was hard for me to just watch and say nothing.and when i said he started to act mean.

"I get what you mean but why did he tell me that if he wanted a relationship it would be with me?and then after he said "he has changed his mind and even seeing eachother is worthless he likes bad girls"?"

The little details don't really matter too much but I'll attempt to indulge you for a moment... Maybe he does like you but he's afraid of commitment. Maybe he's been burned in the past. Who knows? Or (sorry if this sounds rude) maybe he just wanted you to lay-off. Like, by implying that he liked you more that it would put your min at ease. You would be reassured and you would back off a bit just by knowing he liked you. As for changing his mind, did you begin to act differently after he said that? Like going after him even more, hoping that the relationship would go to the next level? That could have pushed him away 'cause his idea back-fired. I dunno.
Like I said, the details don't matter because regardless, he is clearly trying to push you away and you need to look at that big picture. I agree with others that you should move on. He sounds a bit broken and I think I can speak for everyone here by saying it's not fun being with someone broken. Don't try to save him or whatever. I know what that's like and you'll just end up hurt in the end. Move on before you get even more emotially invested and therefore more hurt. Good luck!

I think that's exactly what he meant. IF he wanted a relationship, it WOULD be with you. There is a difference between what someone wants, and what they are capable of. Fear is a strong thing. i really see him changing his mind as a fear response. He is only trying to get you to leave... hmmm... I have done the same thing in the past. Not in this context, but similar things. If you stay, he will have to deal with his emotions, ones that quite possibly seem impossible to deal with. If you leave, well, that makes it easy for him to say, "Another one left. everyone leaves." and he won't have to deal with it. At least for me, that would be true. I'm willing to bet, that he may have added those other girls on whatever site you talk to him on, and you had to watch it, but I bet that he NEVER intended to do anything with them. It was a technique. One to make you go. Or, one to see if you would.

Once again, there is a difference between what someone wants, and what they are capable of. I have serious abandonment issues too. He might as well. My bipolar started around the age of 13. It's bipolar II. I grew up with it undiagnosed until this year. I am 33. I did a lot of the same things he is doing. Before, I would do them because having someone do what you are doing gave me hope, and hope hurts. Hope means I would have to try. Have to address what was happening, and that would have been impossible. Plus, when someone gives up, truly gives up, like I did, they can not have anyone around believing in them. That hurts too.

I bet what he is doing is finding shallow, flirty types who get off telling him what he wants to hear. Who allow him to escape in their words. Who give him enough sexual attention that he can distract himself with. It's like a drug sometimes. Instead of drinking to forget your problems, just call sally! lol. Apologies to anyone here with that name. I am in no way trying to connect that name to anything bad. I'm just trying to give an example.

If you really like him, and you are willing to wait, just make yourself available. Make sure he knows it. If you are not going to leave, then don't! If you are, then go now! He will test you. He will push you away. But if you stay, he might learn to trust that. Make sure he knows that. But don't be that constant call that he dreads picking up either.

I don't know why you would want to do that for anyone. You could just find someone who is not damaged you know. I kind of get it though, my wife did the same thing for me.

I do agree with the High Priestess. My wife has been continually hurt in our 12 years of marriage. You WILL be hurt by him. Repeatedly.

But at the same time, I did get help. She is my hero. I get it if you are going to be someones hero too.

... I love this post! I think either way, he's playing head games and she should just leave him alone. But, like you, my husband did the same for me. I told him from the beginning that all I would do is hurt him. And I did everything to push him away. But he married me anyway and I know he loves me for better or worse. I don't know why, but I do know that he is one strong and resilient man! But like I said the the OP, it's not easy loving someone broken!

wow guys really thanks alot! I was thinking like how landskaperdan has said. but then i told myself maybe i'm wrong ,maybe he's telling the truth he is not interested in me anymore and maybe even he likes someone else...you know mostly because i was doing ok not showing my emotions too much but then he started avoiding me and all that girls and actually he seemed kindda in love at the same time he eas flirting with many girls...

but then again all of a sudden i lost all my hope and i told myself maybe he really doesn't like me anymore.
i decided not to talk to him...i really am kindda jealous when it comes to these things.
i may talk to him again.I will definitely on his birthday which is a month from now...but im not sure what he thinks of me.

Is there any way i can be sure of what all of these mean?like its how landskaperdan described or he's just a douche...im still really confused...and when i check his profile i just feel down...

I'm sorry for what I'm about to say, it's going to be a little negative.

You can't make him want to be in a relationship. If you do get him and he seems really reluctant then there's a strong chance it's not going to work.
You should be REALLY careful if you don't want to be hurt.

If you get jealous then his behavior is just going to make it worse for you, you'll just be upset when he flirts with other girls.

Why do you think he seemed to be in love?

By the way, I know you're second guessing yourself, I know what that feels like. It's all confusing, annoying, and a very emotional time because we don't know whether to stay or to move on.

although he treated me very badly in recent weeks and bluntly pushed me away ,i still like him and want to be his friend but i can't control the pain i feel when he's flirting.
also if i only knew he just likes me ,even as a friend, i would stay.
but his words although are mean but it some kindda is like when a kid is mad at you and they push u away as your punishment , i mean the kid doesn't mean what he says when he says to you go away ..he's just mad...his behaviour sometimes seem like that.

about being in love,i pay too much attention to everything,and he's not a romantic guy at all, but he put some romantic poems(!) on his blog..which is so not him, but then again makes me even more confused.

and in relationship forum everyone is telling me he only wanted sex...but i never felt that way...he didn't make any comments on that issue...if anything from the first he implied that im not one those that has fun with anyone that comes around..

When's the last time he was in a relationship?? He may not be over his ex. Maybe a little jaded. Possibly why he writes "romantic" poems??

over a year.maybe a year and a half...i asked at first,he said that he actually has never been in love so...