[XserenityX]

I have never been diagnosed personally with bipolar disorder.
However, my sister and father both have it.
I understand that it is hard to deal with, most of my friends are also bipolar and depressed.
But my father...
He scares me. I never know what mood he will be in when he gets home.
Often he throws things. Rips phones out of the wall. One time he put his foot to my door until it broke open.
he likes to scream. He calls me stupid or moron a lot.
But other times he is very nice, I like being around him.
It is all very confusing.
I don't want to be afraid, he is my father. Sometimes I even feel hate in my heart.
I don't want to hate him either.
I know it isn't really his fault...right?
I don't really know what to do...

[BlueInanna]

hi serenity, do you have a therapist you can talk to?

[XserenityX]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

hi serenity, do you have a therapist you can talk to?

I do not. My parents don't like therapists...

[BlueInanna]

Well you have a really difficult situation
Living with and loving someone with bipolar can be great sometimes and a nightmare sometimes.

I don't want to give you any wrong advice that's why I was hoping you have a therapist or maybe a school counselor. They keep everything confidential unless there's a serious imminent danger.

My dad has passed away, but I remember being a kid and not knowing when he was going to be ticked off, depressed, or the funnest guy ever. Now I'm that mom... I've worked really hard at not having meltdowns in front of my kids, and happy to say it's been over 6 months since I lost my cool in front of them, I wish I could take back the past times that i had.

I guess I'd recomend you have activities that keep you busy and help you feel good about yourself, in addition to as soon as you can get a counselor too.

Hugs

[Anneinside]

There are no easy answers for you. I have a question for you. How old are you? You might be happier in foster care or going to live with another relative.

[BipolaRNurse]

I lived with a parent like that (my mother). She was never diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but probably should've been. I never knew where I stood with her---sometimes I was her pride and joy, but most of the time I was a "hellion", a bad girl who was destined for jail, and a general pain in the ***. She never beat me, but there were times I wished she had because it would've been over sooner......no, she would just scream at me for hours until she made certain I knew I was lower than snail slime.

In this day and age, that's called emotional abuse. And it's as destructive as physical abuse....maybe even more. Our scars are on the inside.

I'm sorry for what you are going through, and wish you would talk with some adult at school or church whom you can trust. It sounds to me like your entire family needs some help. I'm a bipolar mother and grandmother who did some of the same things to my kids that my mother did to me---I didn't know then that I was ill---and I wish with all my heart that I could do it over again.

Your dad will have regrets for the rest of his life, and what's worse, you will end up being scarred if something doesn't change. PLEASE talk to a trusted adult. You don't deserve this.