***May be triggering. Briefly mention sui.*

Ok so a few weeks ago I was falling quickly into a depression and somehow by some miracle, I just popped out of it and started getting productive again. Cool. So I start my very first go-round with meds and am put on Lamictal, slowly working my way up to a therapeutic level over the next several weeks. A few days after I start my meds, I start getting really mixed emotions throughout the day. It could be the meds but on the other hand, it could just be me. I got these waves of euphoria, then irritability and agitation, then crying all in one day for a few days. I had a couple good days then I have some suicidal ideation one day, a panic attatck the next day, then yesterday was filled with obsessions and a big crying spell last night. I didn't have any suicidal feelings last night, I just got overwhelmed with confusion. I wish I could just make my brain stop sometimes. I don't know if it's just me or if it's the meds that's causing this. I felt like I'm a bad mom. All I'm gonna do is mess my kids up because of all my issues and they deserve better. Everyone would be better off without me. I'm just a burden on everyone, etc, etc. And everything in the world is so sad and tragic etc. That's how I was feeling last night. So far today, I'm just kind of here with no feelings at all so far. I'm new to this diagnosis and I know I can't diagnose myself and none of you are doctors but does this seem like mixed episode or rapid cycling? I'm really unable to discern the difference between the two. And even if the meds are causing this right now, I've been through this same thing a few times in the past. Also, my doc prescribed for me to take Seroquel if I find myself heading for a depression but my emotions are so back and forth, I don't know if I should start taking it. Ugh. I just wanted to vent because no one else understands. My husband is supportive but he unintentionally minimizes my feelings sometimes and that would hurt a lot right now. Plus, I don't feel like burdening him with my issues yet again. I'm sure he's so sick of hearing about them. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read through this entire novel LOL. Just venting.

[BipolaRNurse]

I don't know if this is helpful, but after a horrendous fight with my youngest son (age 21) I had a meltdown, less than a week after starting Lamictal. I cried hysterically for hours and threatened to eat all the Ativan in the house. I didn't really want to die, of course; I just wanted the pain to stop.

Got over it fairly quickly, then traveled a very bumpy road from 50 mg. to 125 mg. I was up, down, up, down for weeks......it was no fun at all. In retrospect, I think it was one of those things where you have to get worse before you can get better; when I hit 125 and then 150, my love for life came back with a roar and has continued on an upward trajectory. Now I'm at 200 mg/day and LOVING IT!!! I feel better than I have in years. It might be a little TOO good since I'm not sleeping like I used to and I'm bouncing off the walls, but as long as I don't tip over into full-blown mania I should be fine.

You will be too, if Lamictal works for you the way it does for me. Vent away any time you like while the process of healing goes on; we're here and will listen if you need us.

Wow ok so maybe it is the meds causing this. I won't be up to 200mgs for almost another month. It's gonna be hard to get through if things keep up like this but thanks for giving me some hope that there may be light at the end of this crazy confusing tunnel.

[bowhunt72]

No great insights, just another person that will listen and care when you need to vent. That's what we're here for, to help each other. Don't ever feel like you're a burden on us here.