Well, my truck is still down..but that's ok. I get it back on tuesday evening. that's ok too. I'm here alone now for the next two days while my wife and kids are at work and school. I don't do alone well at all.

I get a break from my job - the one that I have lost all of my confidence in. the one that I'm not sure i can do w/out hypomania.
the one that i hate anymore... but that's okay. I'm sure I can learn to like it again.

I get a break from people - time that I can just be me. Time that I can see what I hate about me and have the time to commit to change myself into someone I like. Just like my job i'm sure it's no biggie.

I get to listen to music - songs that I have heard over and over again and again. Ugh.

i get to just think - Well... as clear as I can behind the fog of the full dose of lorezapam. I'm kinda tired but that's okay too.

I read a post that motivational people are bothersome. It kinda made me laugh a little, cuz i didn't realize I was bothering people. But that's okay too lol. I can tone it down.

My reasons for being a motivational freak: - I can't afford to look on the downside. I feel that if I let myself go there again, then I might never come back and I want to be here. So if I let it win, If I allow myself to fall into another bout of deep depression I may never return.. not fully anyways.

That's where I am now, catching myself here and pulling myself up there. Trying so hard to pull myself out. But hey! nothing new there, right? So it's okay. It is what it is.

It's kinda cool to feel how the meds are working too... my anxiety is not causing swings in my moods... but my body reacts as if they did! Now the depression is 20% of a choice and I have no hypo. I have little energy wise though and i'm way out of shape. oh well.

I got my own thread earlier! Someone started a thread just for me cuz I was gone for a few days! That made my day so thank you!

my wife and kids are happy too. I guess I've been pretty even. I got mad the other day and told Karen that there is no point in fighting. I told here people should get mad and get over it! hahaha... me saying that... big differece!

I'm doing okay with my rage too. I have a lot of that but it's way down and docile too.

So I guess things are okay, But I really appreciate people asking about me. Makes me feel important.

Glad you're better, Landskaperdan,

Getting your truck back Tuesday night is going to get you going again, and with the
changes you're planning for yourself, you should be a very good person for all the
people in your area to meet and know.

Congratulations on making things work for you.

Take care.