[Seaswept]

I am on the brink and have been a nervous wreck. I feel like I'm gonna lose it. We have to move for the 2nd time in 1 year due to losing our house to foreclosure.
I had a breakdown last year..
My therapist said I could take a leave- she'd write me out but she told me to call Human Resources to get the paperwork. I know they'll be asking a lot of questions and I don't know what to say.
I know legally I can take this leave due to my "disability" but I've taken leaves in the past (2 were emergency, so I did't have to talk to them) and 1 medical. I just don't want the agency to think I'm out too much and then find other ways to get rid of me.
They are cutting peoples hours like crazy, they are ruthless. So maybe I shouldn't even try. I work in healthcare.

[RobertDark]

This sounds like a really tough situation to be in. Of course you can legally take time but we all know that just because you can do it according to the laws, that doesn't mean your place of employment fire you because of it and blame it on something else.

How did your employer react to your other leaves? I'd say that needs to be your gauge. If they were very understanding and you never had backlash from it, then you should feel comfortable asking for this leave.

If it was difficult then you need to proceed with caution.

BUT...

The bottom line is you need to do what is best for you. If you know you need time off to survive this, then do it. If you are worried about losing your job in a terrible job economy and you think you can weather the storm, even if it's barely, then do your best to hang in there. There is no 'right' answer for you other than the one that makes you most comfortable.

[Seaswept]

Thank you for responding Robert.
Yeah its hard to know. The woman that ran this department in hr was really sweet but retired and the new person seems kind of cold. I guess the leaves were ok last time.. no one said anything to me, I just don't know what could have been said or on paper in the office.
I have to be really careful and weigh the pros and cons. I just don't want to freak out at work but then again it may not even happen. This bipolar is very unpredictable for me. Sometimes I don't even trust myself.
I just wish I had some Xanax damn it, It always helped in the past. My new Doc won't prescribe it.

[BlueInanna]

I think you should be able to take a look at your file. I'm an employer and learned that in some class. You can look at it but not take it with you, not sure about copies. But maybe that would be a way for to see what they said in the notes about the previous leaves. Good luck, this sounds like such a ****** situation. and my doc won't give me xanax either, I wish.

[Confusedinomicon]

Have you tried mindful meditation or a slow yoga?

It would be really helpful for stress control though it takes time before you get the effects. Practicing muscle relaxation at night can also help.

I practice mindfulness and its helped immensily.

[Seaswept]

I think I'm going to try and tough it out.
Thanks Blue, I forgot about the files..I"ll ask to look at them next time I'm at the office.
I know my triggers from past experience and that's why I'm worried, but with that knowlege I should be able to prepare myself better, right?
and Confused, I haven't done Yoga lately but therapist did teach me some breathing techniques. Do you consider mindfulness and mindful meditation to be the same thing? oh, you have to sit still for meditation so how do you go about practicing mindfulness? By being in the moment? Hope I make sense. and thanks

[Confusedinomicon]

Yeah. I also do a lot of my own desensitizing to triggering stimuli and allow myself to experience the anxiety all the way through. It helps to count and focus on your heart rate decreasing. It requires you to know when to step back and give yourself a moment to gather and prepare yourself. I also do something that I describe as delay reactions. I found that I feel less stressed if I am triggered and then I start to mentally count in my head to focus on something than what is going on around me and when I am not at the height of that particular emotion I can check myself back into reality.

(If you have friends or family, you can also role-play situations out or ask your therapist to so they can help you figure out responses that would get you over that moment. It's also good to practice those coping mechanisms outside of the trigger area so you're more mentally prepared.)

The key thing you have to remember are physiological responses are generally temporal in nature and it's IMPOSSIBLE for your body to stay in that state permanently. So practicing is important because it allows your body to understand that. You have to remember that what you know in your head as the truth is not what your body knows if you practice certain behaviors over and over.

Like you KNOW you need to do x,y,z if blahblahblah happens. You don't practice but are faced with blahblahblah. X,Y,Z mean nothing because you have been doing A,B,C the whole time. Body is like: "WHY SHOULD I CHANGE MY BEHAVIOR?!?! I DO THIS AND IT WORKS!!!" Your head is like: "BUT I WANT TO DO THE BREATHING TECHNIQUES BECAUSE I WANT ANOTHER RESULT!"

Body and head won't meet unless you align them so that's why practice is important.

You have to remember, also, that you will never be perfect but it's OKAY. There will always be something that can go wrong, but if you try then it is worthwhile because you're reinforcing behaviors you want to see.

As much as bipolar is a chemical imbalance, it's also a disease that loves to breed negative behaviors so even when you are stable you're still practicing them because that's all you know.