[BobbyDDS]

I am tired of always feeling down. I was taking a risperadol , celexa, and topamax for a year and by the end of that year i was so down I tired to overdose. I had been having a hard time at work (which ended up with them and I splitting ways) and fighting with my wife. I tried to end me, but i lived. I was admitted to the hospital and they changed the topamax and gave me something else (i don't remember) I tried taking that but after awhile i was feeling low again i had a more private suicide attempt but i ****ed it up and now I am think the meds are the problem.

I am still miserable and sad and frustrated but I don't want to kill myself just hurt myself -a feeling that is hard to fight.

After 2 weeks off the meds I am actually feeling moments of joy ... i have no idea what to do I just would rather be off the meds then feel like killing myself is the only answer.

[hamster-bamster]

That is true that joy is better than killing yourself, but compared to other people you did not try many meds - usually it takes a higher number of meds to settle on something useful, unfortunately. It might make sense to try more but be very vigilant and very critical of them and discontinue/try something else at the first signs of trouble, such as suicidal ideation and planning. The first medicine that helped me and the one I eventually intend to use as my sole bipolar medicine (Lithium) was tried after Lamictal, Depakote, Seroquel, and benzos, all failed. And, I asked for Lithium three years post being dx'd. Three years gone in vain.

[Victoria'smom]

Other than medication is there anything else you've been doing to help with BP?

[Clinte89]

Have you been seeing a t? That may help you and don't give up totally on meds it's taken me about a year to get on the right meds and its nice on this side of the fence so don't give up just yet.

[Trippin2.0]

On certain levels I can relate. Meds made things worse for me, and like you, I didn't try out many combos and their side-effects before I broke up with meds... It is important to look into alternate ways of managing tho, a therapist can assist with methods. I hope you find the route to wellness, and to the bipolar express train the other passengers here are friendly and helpful, hope you like it

[Seaswept]

I'm sorry you're feeling so low Bobby. I can relate about the meds.

I'm currently taking Lamictal, Seroquel and Lexapro. Have only been on the Lexapro a little over a month and have not seen any changes except feeling worse.

Before my Dr. started the Lexapro, she upped my lamictal to 350 mg. I was originally on 200. The increase in the Lamictal has affected my cognitive abilities, my thinking is so slow,memory and concentration-bad. When Started Lamictal years and years ago, I did affect me cognitively, but it passed or I just got used to it... not sure. I just can't afford to lose any more brain cells.
The Seroquel is bad in that area too- I had to increase it from 25, to 50 to 100mgs- now 100 is not working. At 100mgs I am feeling Zombie-ish but can't sleep without it wtf.

Right abut now I'm feeling like I want to ditch all of it.

Oh yeah, also tried Strattera back in September, I think, but I'm not sure cuz my memory is shot- maybe it was working a little since dr. tapered me off that just before increasing Lamictal and adding Lexapro.

I'm sorry I'm rambling so much...It's just so frustrating and confusing to find the right med combo.

[wildchild r]

I can totally relate! and I Alsoyou,Im new here and everyone has been very kind and supportive.Im tired of all these meds that dont seem to help too.Its been a year for me too, and so far, no attempts to take myself out...yet... I just keep holding on..maybe it will get better.one thing is for sure..tomorrow will come!